How far is too far?

When do you guys draw the line at someone stepping on your self respect? More specifically in the work environment when your boss or a customer crosses their role and treats you below a human being. I’ve always been willing to go the extra mile, get my hands dirty, and swallow my pride as long as I wasn’t retreating on my dignity, but I have this manager who has pure estrogen running through his veins. I have little to no respect for the man, not only because of his sleazy comments about the (much) younger girls that work there, but by the way he goes out of his way to push me around. Here at T-Mag I’m probably about average, but where I work I’m considered to be the big guy and my coworkers really look up to me. My boss treats everyone pretty equally, but he constantly tries to step on me. I usually joke my way out of it but lately he’s been threatening me etc over extremely irrelevant issues. Going out of his way to prove in his mind that he’s the bigger man, always in front of everyone else. The job is great, I wont’ get paid as much anywhere else, but I feel like my dignity is being trampled on, in any other environment I’d flick him aside and continue on my way. I’m almost positive I’ll break next time he goes to far, just wondering if anyone else has found themselves in a similar situation and how they reacted?

A buddy of mine just quit his job due to a situation like yours.

If I were you, I’d either look for another job OR if this supervisor of yours has a boss, go to them, if they can’t help go to HIS boss…Someone will listen. If they DON’T - then you’d better get the frick outta there; you’re working for crap management.

why cant you talk to someone above him?

How bad do you need the job? If not bad, then kick his ass in front of everyone.

If you really just want to “fix” the problem, invite him out with you. Invite him to hang out with you and your friends. He sounds like a stereotypical fag (yeah, I did that on purpose) and probably will treat you differently once he sees that you’re a cool person.

I use to be in his position and when I had employees that thought I was just another piece of shit boss and they didn’t respect me, I would invite them to drink with me. That usually changes a person’s whole perspective once they know you outside of work.

Well, I think it would be too complex to explain in words, so I attached this convenient graph illustrating my point.

Not sure whether or not this is good advice, especially if your job is like mine in which case it is better in the long run not to have anything like that on your record. If it’s a job that you don’t really care about for your career, get in his face the next time he starts running his mouth. Just stare him down and put the fear of God into him. I had a boss like that once that used to piss me off all the time at work, and then we went out for beers one night and he tried to call me out in front of this girl I was hitting on. I dragged him outside in front of a bunch of people and basically told him I wasn’t going to take his shit and I’d be happy to rearrange his jaw for him. He didn’t give me any more problems after that.

Well, this guy is alot older than me, but act like he’s my age (22) and I’m not so arrogant as to think I threaten him, I think he just sees me as someone that will make him “cool” in his and everyone else’s eyes if he ‘puts me in my place’. I’ll more than likely just tell him exactly what’s on my mind next time, I’ll be fired, but otherwise this will always eat at me.

Maybe he’s riding you because he can tell you don’t like him?

It’s a tough situation to be in. You really have to weigh this out for yourself.

Sometimes, work just plain sucks… some guys are able to forget about it as soon as quitting time rolls around. Other folks tend to get bothered by the BS of the job.

Do you care about this job? It sounds like you do, since you said it pays well.

Is your own attitude straight-up? Are you a real asset there? If so, maybe you should ask your boss why he’s down on you, privately.

There’s a real good chance he’s just an a-hole and you have to roll with the punches and let things roll off your back. If he’s a prick, who cares what he says or what he thinks.

Maybe you need to discuss this with a co-worker you respect, and trust to keep it private.

Definitely if you want to keep the job it would be a good idea to talk to him privately. Being on his side of the matter before, he may not consciously realize that he is making you mad. I tend to be the same way, by joking sarcasticly with some employees. A simple heads up privately with smooth it over 99.9% of the time.

Oh yeah, forgot to say Morg’s diagram is awesome, LMFAO!

Looks like a case of bullying in progress.

Having a rather gentlemanly behavior with strangers, I kind of attract similar fuckers, so maybe this could help.

What I found that works:

  1. Drop the good-guy facade for that person. The minute that person realizes you put-em-up just for her, you will get her thinking. Could be overnight. But, trust me, if you are consistent, sooner or later that chump will ask you what happened. GUARANTEED. They act that way because the need feedback of type X. They are controlling fuckers.When you give them something they don`t expect, they start to go nuts to get things back like they were.

Is that hypocrite? NO. You always treated the fucker with respect. You never got any back. So you return the favor. These chumps can`t take what they dish out. And they need the attention, hence their behavior.

And theyll never go complain to the Human Resources department either. They cant come up and say hes changed recently with mewithout knowing somewhere you will come in with athat persons has been bullying me for a year before I did reajust to her comment. Specially if you changed your way or doing things AND explained to them why (to the bully). They cant say you never told them, and they cant that they had the luxury/excuse to guess the whys of your actions/intentions.

Warning: If you come up on a professionnal/serial bully, please consider alternative tactics. Not as extreme as the ones in American Beauty, but you`ll need special weapons until bully learns his/her lesson.

  1. Sad to say, but some of them have no idea what they inflict upon others until they get some back. And since most people are sheep, nobody ever gives them their well-earned comeuppance. Dont expect the other to change. You have to. Dont worry if other people won`t recognize the new-you. Sane people will respect you even more after your stirring up of things.

In short, grab your balls and do something. You wish, you lose.

Just my 2 cents.

(The whole theory behind this is in another post. Do a search for Cupcake Ass Raping in the forums.)

Have you actually tried talking to your boss about it?

You deal with office bullies the same way you deal with playground bullies. Over 99.9% of them will run like hell the first time, and stay the hell away from you for ever after. The remaining .1% get something other than words.

Maverick has a good point.

I had a situation like that with an old boss. He felt threatened by me and I just gutted it out for years. Then it came time to lay a bunch of people off, and I was on the top of his list. He gloated about it with my ex-coworkers and told them I’d probably lose my house, etc. What a moron.

I hated him at the time, but after some time had passed I realized it was the best thing that could have happened. I didn’t realize how miserable I was working there.

I took three months off, bought a boat, learned how to sail, and got an excellent new job, huge raise in pay, and a boss that was, well… awesome.

The economy is turning around, look for a place you’ll enjoy working and where you get along with your boss. Life is too short to work in a place you don’t enjoy.

Or you could just sleep with his girlfriend, then whenever he’s being a dick you can just say, “I probably deserve that, cause I slept with that dude’s girlfriend”

I was fired in May in an political move much like Warhorse’s and my office environment was probably similar to yours. Even though I swallowed every bit of pride (and then some) I had, even though I was treated worse than a plantation nigger, even though I allowed my dignity and self-respect to be stripped from me … I was devastated. I couldn’t imagine finding a job that paid as much given the current economy, was sad to leave the few coworkers I liked, saddened even more knowing whatever shit job I took next would undoubtedly involved a 45-hour commute for shit pay and the likelihood was that I’d be treated the same way, etc.

Well, take a wild guess what happened? After several months of moping around and doing a lot of soul searching I realized that this was the best thing to ever happen to me. I took inventory of my life, threw out a lot of useless emotional/mental crap and tried my hand at several entreprenurial ventures as I’ve always hated the encumbrances of having a “job” and the restrictions of having insecure bosses.

Now, I have my own consulting business, net 11 times what I was grossing before on an hourly basis, work from home and have no commute, can take any amount of “vacation” time I want, have met A LOT of very intriguing people and travel often.

Don’t fear unemployment - it can be very rewarding.

Well first off your still a young guy, Older guys always give younger guys alot more shit, probably because they feel like we get all the breaks and they had to work for everything they got. Im sure your dad has told you that your generation is going run this world in the ground. Its the same old song and dance. I would just suck it up a little especially if it was a job i needed, i generally dont listen to half the shit that spews out of peoples mouths to begin with. Dont let on like it bothers you, dont give the guy the satisfaction, and if he is cutting you down or trampling on u a bit give him a little in return not enough to get you fired though. I have worked in the construction industry most of my teenage years and now into my twenties and they always grill the younger guys a bit. I wouldnt blow up on him or threaten him though, be witty.

I used to have a principal like that, total control freak, “I am god” complex. One of his favorite tricks was to get right up in your face when chewing you out. Most people would avert their eyes and back away, and he knew that he could get away with that behavior with them. Others kept their eyes right on his as they stepped back, and a few just stood there and met him eye to eye. He left the latter group alone after one try.

If this is a corporate environment, I wouldn’t hesitate to go to employee relations or Human Resources. They will take your issues VERY seriously. Especially with this litigious world we live in.