T Nation

How Do You Guys Control Your Temper?


#1

I'm 22 and I've begun to notice my temperament getting worse as time passes. I'm extremely concerned because I feel like I might do something stupid or even worst get knocked out. I don't try to pertain that tough guy Alpha Male attitude if that's what you're thinking. I'm actually very friendly and not a fake tough guy.

Matter of fact i'm willing to admit i'm not a tough guy at all. However as soon as I get disrespected in certain ways I tend to lose my temper. For example when someones tailgating me while i'm driving. Or when I'm getting ready to walk through an entrance and instead of holding the door they keep walking and the door almost slams in my face.

I've read that short tempered people get better as they age because they become wiser and more responsible. I've never been arrested or even come close and haven't gotten into a fight since middle school. Are there any techniques you guys use?


#2

I don’t get upset if I am disrespected by stupid people. If anything, I’d be more upset if they respected me.


#3

[quote]T3hPwnisher wrote:
I don’t get upset if I am disrespected by stupid people. If anything, I’d be more upset if they respected me.[/quote]

Lol that’s a great way of looking at it. I’m actually think of it this way the next time some idiot does something to make me upset.


#4

I used to have a pretty bad temper when I was around your age. Experience and circumstances changed my outlook and I don’t really get upset about much anymore … It’s too damn tiresome to get upset over piddly shit - I’m much happier and successful now that I focus my attention and energy to more fruitful endeavors. Onwards and Upwards man.


#5

Homer Simpson on rage…


#6

I stopped taking excessive caffeine and fucking destroy myself in the gym. Eating right and sleeping well helps too.

I also have been trying mindfulness meditation. I am a big fan of it but you do need to set aside 15-20 minutes a day to basically sit alone with your thoughts.


#7
  1. If someone else or even some other thing is really pissing you off and you are sure you’re in the right just pretend there’s a camera recording you and your situation with this asshole or stupid object that isn’t working right and think How would I want people who watch this video later think of me?
    If you’re dealing with a very stupid/rude/dangerous other person then you know almost everyone out there would agree with you and be on your side.

This doesn’t necessarily mean you need to act like a monk and do nothing; you can give them a piece of your mind I guess…if the situation calls for it.

  1. The idea that we have a gauge that tells our anger level and that we can “let off steam” and bring that number down is a myth.
    We can control ourselves without hitting the wall or lifting weights or even detrimental things like drinking too much.
    That is where the monk thing can come in handy. Understand that our perceptions control our attitude.
    That’s why i think it’s good to not even label yourself as a hothead or anything. You may start to think that’s what you are instead of just a guy like anyone else but who may give in to impulses too readily.

#8

[quote]Justliftbrah wrote:

Matter of fact i’m willing to admit i’m not a tough guy at all. However as soon as I get disrespected in certain ways I tend to lose my temper. For example when someones tailgating me while i’m driving. Or when I’m getting ready to walk through an entrance and instead of holding the door they keep walking and the door almost slams in my face.
[/quote]

This part of your post seems to contain a contradiction, imo.

Why does it matter whether you get disrespected by strangers? Why do you feel that those actions are a sign of disrespect?


#9

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#10

[quote]PB Andy wrote:
I also have been trying mindfulness meditation. I am a big fan of it but you do need to set aside 15-20 minutes a day to basically sit alone with your thoughts. [/quote]

This actually helped me out a lot as well … learning to control your breathing and moving on to controlling emotions (such as anger and frustration) helped tons


#11

People that explode are rarely exploding due to the current situation but because of built up frustration. Personally mindfulness and dealing with issues as they arise. Not keeping shit friends, not bottling up little frustrations etc all help.

One saying that became my mantra around this was: Never mistake stupdity for malice. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanlon's_razor

I mean drivers are people and most people are fucking retarded (seriously, most people are pretty stupid and unable to process their own thoughts let alone plan when driving) so especially when driving I’m just like “Oh well. Another stupid person.” you tend to start almost feeling sorry for people …

Good luck! You just gotta find a strategy that works for you and practice it until its habit.


#12

As someone who is now 36 years old but who has had mood problems since thirteen years old, I believe I can share some serious input. I am not a tough guy or badass by any means, nor am I someone who even acts remotely confrontational. I am not someone who gets off on mistreating people at all. I believe my temper is a result of experience and natural predisposition.

Although I have learned to take more things in stride as I get older, I would say the degree of the temper and physical manifestations of it–that is, what I feel inside, physically and mentally–have gotten worse! This might be hard to understand for some who do not experience it, but I have learned to control the expression of the temper but the actual visceral feelings have gotten worse when it appears.

My temper has actually interfered with the well being of my relationship. I am not an abusive person at all, but to for a woman to be around some with volatile mood swings is no picnic. So basically the fear of a wrecked relationship and now MARRIAGE–and all the great things that have come along with this relationship/marriage disappearing–is enough to keep in check! When I feel that fiery visceral feeling and a racing mind, I try my best to calm down and think of all the serious consequences that can manifest if I continue to have such experiences and possible bad behaviors as a result. I don’t want to lose employment or wreck relationships with people.

This is taking some serious and behavior modification and a total change in my outlook on people and life and acceptance of things. I’ve thought to myself for some time why do I have this problem and how can I solve it. Some think that finding the cause of an emotional problem might not serve much good because, after all, the problem exists and one must fix it. For me, finding the cause, I mean really turning the situation over in my mind and finding out what has caused it has helped me immensely.


#13

I should add that the explosive temper has SLIGHTLY helped me… but ONLY with people for whom reason and cordiality do nothing and in some cases might even interpret these things as signs of weakness. There are people in this world who in some instances only understand intimidation or that they are going to have a difficult situation on their hands (even if this person putting up a fight is actually physically weaker). Generally speaking, bullies and brats do not like working; they want their bravado to be shown effortlessly and to have an unequal match.

This might not be good in the long run or on a chronic basis because an explosive person might be conditioned to think they can get what they want just by acting like an out-of-control nut (and no, I am not talking about being a so-called badass). However there are people in this world who need a serious challenge to their abusive and unreasonable ways.


#14

[quote]magick wrote:

[quote]Justliftbrah wrote:

Matter of fact i’m willing to admit i’m not a tough guy at all. However as soon as I get disrespected in certain ways I tend to lose my temper. For example when someones tailgating me while i’m driving. Or when I’m getting ready to walk through an entrance and instead of holding the door they keep walking and the door almost slams in my face.
[/quote]

This part of your post seems to contain a contradiction, imo.

Why does it matter whether you get disrespected by strangers? Why do you feel that those actions are a sign of disrespect?[/quote]

I feel the same way. There are careless and distasteful people all over, in increasingly larger numbers it seems. They are not looking to disrespect any individual in particular.

Living in NYC, I can find distasteful behavior AT WILL. I can step outside in the town I work in, pull out my camera, and start videotaping repulsive behavior in likely just a few minutes, and probably more quickly if I ventured into Manhattan. These people are not aiming at anyone in particular generally.


#15

There are too many soft people today. Good for you for getting mad, the world can be quite shitty and frustrating. Lift and get a lot bigger than them so you become naturally intimidating and they leave you alone.


#16

Quick read!! http://zenhabits.net/life-purpose/


#17

[quote]Aero51 wrote:
Lift and get a lot bigger than them so you become naturally intimidating and they leave you alone. [/quote]

Seriously? This comes back to lifting?


#18

Id be lying if I said that isn’t a reason I lift.


#19

points to ponder
point 1}if a person pisses you off and its a stranger you dont know what they are capable of doing
point 2}if a person pisses you off and it goes bad for them you have the potential for jail time or lawsuit
best to be the wuss and back off ,leave chill out
anger Management classes or techniques


#20

In any situation, be it potential conflict with another man or encounter with a hottie in a tight dress, simply ask yourself this question: What would James Bond do? (The real, Sir Sean Connery James Bond. Not the other ones.) This advice was passed on to me when I was a young buck and it has served me well for nearly a quarter of a century.