T Nation

How Do You Deal?


#1

Legitimate question... so please no flaming besides any normal initiation hazing :). I am 6'4" - 300 lbs - and I have anger issues. My lifts are very modest compared to T-Nation... I don't take steroids... I only mention my size because I'm just relating it to some of the big boys on the site who may have faced my issues. I rarely sleep through the night due to night terrors. I also think I am showing signs of panic attacks like Tony Soprano did The Sopranos. In short, I suck...

I have the typical issues that lots of people have... marriage (not so great but love my kids very much), laid off (now commuting one hour both ways to much lesser job), kids coaches are idiots, etc. etc. Nothing special to legitimize being angry.

I read on this site every day. I see how people I admire act, talk, and treat people. That's what I want and wish to be around. I don't see that in my everyday life.

I recognize that I have issues. My Dad has had several heart issues so I know that being pissed off all the time may not be in my best interest.

I honestly start each thing (work day, commute, ball tournament) with the thoughts of "just do your job", "they are not worth going to jail or getting shot over", "relax and let the kids play". Then I see 1) whiny, pencil neck geeks at work crap on people (because they "can") 2) drivers that very dangerously cut people off, slam on breaks on interstate in front of drivers, give fingers, tailgate, swerve, etc. and 3) umpires or abusive parents that abuse their "authority" or act like fools around children without consequence.

I take the job stuff as much as I can because... heck, the girls have got to eat. The road rage and idiots at ball games... I could show improvement.

I always get very good information on this site on a variety of topics. Many on here are as big as I am ... most are definitely stronger... do you guys honestly just ignore or brush off these people??? Did you feel the way I do but developed a "system" to deal with realities of the modern world outside your control? I want to... but I just find it difficult to believe that "real men and women", like yourselves, can just let these people float in and out of your life... crapping on what they may.

I am seriously asking for ideas and help... thanks!


#2

I can try to respond later, but I have to get to school right now. I just popped on for a moment to see if anything interesting came up.


#3

Spirituality Bro.


#4

What do you do for YOURSELF that truly makes you happy? Something you love?

And I don’t mean lifting.


#5

Enjoy the show?

Life is a circus and if you live in the US of A you are pretty close to the front row.

Pour a glass, kick back and take the freak show in.


#6

If the 3 items you listed are what piss you off, you need to change your perspective.

Go work in a women’s shelter or soup kitchen.


#7

[quote]Loudog75 wrote:
If the 3 items you listed are what piss you off, you need to change your perspective.

Go work in a women’s shelter or soup kitchen.

[/quote]

Not a bad idea. There’s not much more fulfilling and perspective changing than helping someone less fortunate that you.


#8

Self-sacrifice.


#9

The night terrors thing is actually HELLA not normal. Pretty concerning amirite? sounds intense really and I would want to get some help for that.


#10

Dude, everyone is a goddamn hater.

Your best friend has probably talked shit about you behind your back about something, as probably has every single person in your family.

People talk shit, and that’s just life. You have to find the things that help you cling on that sanity between dealing with all of the morons.

(FTR, road rage is seriously one of my biggest issues these days. When you find out how to increase the IQ of everyone on the road by 30, let a brother know.)


#11

[quote]Brother Chris wrote:
Self-sacrifice.[/quote]

Give yourself fully.


#12

There are plenty of coping mechanisms that psychologists and behaviourists have developed over the last hundred years or so that can work . I’d urge you to get a, or some, books on mindfulness or some meditations or something.

Right now your thought was, that sounds like it’s for pussies.

However, having people effect you so much that it takes you out of your own game; that’s being a pussy.

The way I think about it is that any ounce of effort or energy that another person takes from me is me being weak for some reason. There are times when you give, but that’s a choice you make (like helping family or friends) but for the most part, if a stranger is making you feel angry or frustrated then there are ways to regain that control they’ve taken over you.

I think the first step is to realise, and know, that your reality is defined by you. You can be as happy being a porn star as you can being a cum mopper, you just have to accept your place in life, what you can and cannot change and dedicate yourself to a goal that’s personally rewarding.

Mindfulness techniques are simple as shit, but they aren’t easy and they take practice. Personally though they’ve saved me from a pretty crappy life. My Dad and his dad were angry fucks, and that was my path too. I’m no pussy, but I sure as hell have a more rewarding life and relationships than those guys. My advice would be to start with learning about that topic and what you can get from it as a tool. Remove any religious or spiritual stuff from it, and just treat it as a tool.

Good luck.


#13

[quote]Hallowed wrote:
The night terrors thing is actually HELLA not normal. Pretty concerning amirite? sounds intense really and I would want to get some help for that.[/quote]

That reminded me of something.

When I had sleep apnoea I did not stress out in the least.

I was too fucked up to care.

However, oh 300 lbs dude, how thick is your neck btw, when it was succesfully treated my blood panel showed that my stress hormones where only detectable in trace amounts.

Now one would believe that without any stress hormones there would be no stress, but one would be wrong.

It is more like waking up every night at 2-3 am and being so flummoxed that you would like to hide under the bed for a week instead of tackling the next day and generally freaking out when it comes to any stress whatsoever.

So, I second Hallowed, maybe checking it out would not be such a bad idea.

And yes, those hormones build up again and you are no longer spooked by your own shadow.


#14

[quote]TyDaddyKK wrote:
The road rage and idiots at ball games… I could show improvement.

[/quote]

My nephew got black balled from an all-star team by some dick coach. Apparently the coach was talking shit during a game and my nephew hit an rbi double that was enough to shut the coach up but my nephew piled on by talking some shit of his own. The coach held it against him come all-stars. My brother was so furious and just happened upon the team practicing while driving by. He slammed on the breaks and hobbled down there with his crutches and broken leg to rip the coach a new one for ten minutes before hobbling back up to his car.

I hope I don’t have to deal with that kind of shit when my kids are older. Some coaches are so petty and self absorbed and forget they are dealing with kids and teenagers.


#15

Find Jesus.

Then beat him up. That’ll relieve stress.


#16

I like turtles


#17

This too shall pass.


#18

[quote]TyDaddyKK wrote:
Legitimate question… so please no flaming besides any normal initiation hazing :). I am 6’4" - 300 lbs - and I have anger issues. My lifts are very modest compared to T-Nation… I don’t take steroids… I only mention my size because I’m just relating it to some of the big boys on the site who may have faced my issues. I rarely sleep through the night due to night terrors. I also think I am showing signs of panic attacks like Tony Soprano did The Sopranos. In short, I suck…

I have the typical issues that lots of people have… marriage (not so great but love my kids very much), laid off (now commuting one hour both ways to much lesser job), kids coaches are idiots, etc. etc. Nothing special to legitimize being angry.

I read on this site every day. I see how people I admire act, talk, and treat people. That’s what I want and wish to be around. I don’t see that in my everyday life.

I recognize that I have issues. My Dad has had several heart issues so I know that being pissed off all the time may not be in my best interest.

I honestly start each thing (work day, commute, ball tournament) with the thoughts of “just do your job”, “they are not worth going to jail or getting shot over”, “relax and let the kids play”. Then I see 1) whiny, pencil neck geeks at work crap on people (because they “can”) 2) drivers that very dangerously cut people off, slam on breaks on interstate in front of drivers, give fingers, tailgate, swerve, etc. and 3) umpires or abusive parents that abuse their “authority” or act like fools around children without consequence.

I take the job stuff as much as I can because… heck, the girls have got to eat. The road rage and idiots at ball games… I could show improvement.

I always get very good information on this site on a variety of topics. Many on here are as big as I am … most are definitely stronger… do you guys honestly just ignore or brush off these people??? Did you feel the way I do but developed a “system” to deal with realities of the modern world outside your control? I want to… but I just find it difficult to believe that “real men and women”, like yourselves, can just let these people float in and out of your life… crapping on what they may.

I am seriously asking for ideas and help… thanks![/quote]

Think of work like the zoo. If you are at the zoo, and a monkey is jumping up and down and otherwise trying to annoy you, do you get mad? Of course not, the monkey has no power over you no matter how hard it may try. Why is it any different when a person tries to irritate you? It’s just a simple matter of not giving someone else power over you. Simply making an active, conscious effort to not take what other people or say seriously is way more effective than getting mad over it and letting your subconscious take over.

Same thing goes for drivers really. What can you do about it? Absolutely nothing, so why let it irritate you? Accept what is as what is and move on.

At games (and this goes when you are on your kids in the car too), just remember your kids are always watching and are always learning from you. Your daughters will grow up and think to be angry is to be masculine, because their dad was angry all the time… which is not the impression you want to leave, is it?

To be physically strong is a completely different plane from what it is like to be mentally strong. Many people use the gym as an escape and a way of denying the present; having a tough workout is just another way to tire out the brain and escape an unpleasant existence.

Anger, at a basic level, is denial. It is the refusal to accept what is. As soon as you can recognize that, the better off you will be.


#19

[quote]TyDaddyKK wrote:
Legitimate question… so please no flaming besides any normal initiation hazing :). I am 6’4" - 300 lbs - and I have anger issues. My lifts are very modest compared to T-Nation… I don’t take steroids… I only mention my size because I’m just relating it to some of the big boys on the site who may have faced my issues. I rarely sleep through the night due to night terrors. I also think I am showing signs of panic attacks like Tony Soprano did The Sopranos. In short, I suck…

I have the typical issues that lots of people have… marriage (not so great but love my kids very much), laid off (now commuting one hour both ways to much lesser job), kids coaches are idiots, etc. etc. Nothing special to legitimize being angry.

I read on this site every day. I see how people I admire act, talk, and treat people. That’s what I want and wish to be around. I don’t see that in my everyday life.

I recognize that I have issues. My Dad has had several heart issues so I know that being pissed off all the time may not be in my best interest.

I honestly start each thing (work day, commute, ball tournament) with the thoughts of “just do your job”, “they are not worth going to jail or getting shot over”, “relax and let the kids play”. Then I see 1) whiny, pencil neck geeks at work crap on people (because they “can”) 2) drivers that very dangerously cut people off, slam on breaks on interstate in front of drivers, give fingers, tailgate, swerve, etc. and 3) umpires or abusive parents that abuse their “authority” or act like fools around children without consequence.

I take the job stuff as much as I can because… heck, the girls have got to eat. The road rage and idiots at ball games… I could show improvement.

I always get very good information on this site on a variety of topics. Many on here are as big as I am … most are definitely stronger… do you guys honestly just ignore or brush off these people??? Did you feel the way I do but developed a “system” to deal with realities of the modern world outside your control? I want to… but I just find it difficult to believe that “real men and women”, like yourselves, can just let these people float in and out of your life… crapping on what they may.

I am seriously asking for ideas and help… thanks![/quote]

How old are you?

Just because you are a large man what does that have to do with anything?

How is your marriage?

You dont have to answer any of these questions. But as a divorced/remarried father of 5 who put himself through 14 years of college and now manage a state I know a little about stress management. PM if you want. Good luck.


#20

Night terrors and panic attacks are some serious stuff. I think it’s probably time you went to see a doctor.

Seriously, I hear you man, at the beginning of this year I had some serious sleep issues and that directly translated into some anger issues (I get cranky when I’m sleepy too). Then that big earthquake hit and I didn’t really sleep for a month or so. The wife still wakes up to nightmare earthquakes. I know it’s silly, but that “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” by Carnegie helped me out. Good luck. I do think seeing someone might help.