Lame. The family never should have publicized the act of punishing their children, they were asking for negative attention in a big way.
I remember having my mouth washed out with soap, getting spanked and occasionally belted (I would have gladly chosen to eat hot sauce), sent to bed with no dinner and being grounded with no tv, radio, phone privilege or use of the backyard pool.
In fact, I would have chosen hot sauce and a cold shower over almost all of the punishments I received.
My punishments are common and generally accepted forms of correction but they could all be twisted in to abuse.
I could have choked on soap.
Spanking is controversial and the alleged abusive aspect of it is obvious.
No dinner could turn in to a media field day of starvation and neglect
Being grounded could be considered extreme isolation…
It’s all so subjective.
I love my parents, they raised me to be a productive, active member of society and I wasn’t an easy kid. Their intent was always love, they always explained the why behind the what and hoped lessons stuck. It sounds like this was the case for the linked family. It’s not like they were just being sadistic assholes deriving pleasure from the kids pain.
This is a bullshit conviction.[/quote]
You’re pretty late to the “my parents did this and that but I’m okay” brag…that was in the original hot sauce mom thread. There is ample evidence within these very forums that you are not as okay as you proclaim.
Do you have children? If you do, I want to start a serious dialogue, because I’m going thru this right now myself.
No brag. Personal, anecdotal evidence.
If you think I’m so fucked up, why do you want my parenting advice?
But yes, I have a son. I’m not married, I had a gf a few years ago. I love my son and would give my life for him, he was not planned. The girl and I are no longer together but we are on good terms and share the responsibility of our son equally.
I’m all for a serious conversation. If you deem your thread the right place I’m fine with it. If you prefer pm that is ok too. My preference is your thread though, I’m open to insight from you and other posters…[/quote]
LOL I’m not looking for your parenting advice, trust me. A spirited debate, yes. Advice no.
First, it’s fallacious to think that b/c your parents, or a generation did one thing, that it’s the “best” way to do it or that it’s okay. We pretty much come to be conditioned to think or believe something is normal if we’re exposed to it long enough. Hell, prisoners and the abused even learn to love their imprisoners/abusers, to give you an extreme example. So, to say “my parents did this” or, “this generation did that” followed by “and we’re okay” is a non-starter. There is no evidence “we’re okay” or, that you wouldn’t be better off with a different approach or, that you’re merely just conditioned to repeat a cycle (common) as your parents were.
As for me, I’m struggling with what I deem to be appropriate punishment. You have a son. I assume from your post you’re not against corporal punishment. I have an honest question; have you ever struck your son when you’re angry? I’m willing to bet you have. I too have spanked my son and I’ve usually been at the end of my wits or angry when I’ve done so. I’m not comfortable with this and if you love your son, you shouldn’t be either. If spanking is truly “corrective” and is not merely a release valve for your anger (it’s a slippery slope), then why so many parents do it as a last resort and usually with anger? I’m not saying a spanking cannot be given dispassionately - I know it can. But it’s rare from what I’ve seen…extremely rare. A spanking is usually the default position of a loss of control by the parent, frustration or anger. I’m pretty sure that I’m personally finished with the spanking thing (which was very infrequent for me anyway). I think intelligent parents (you might want to call them pussies right?) can think of better corrective measures.
And as far as an argument by anectdote, for every alleged person you can cite that got spankings “or worse”, I know one that received the same and is fucked up.
Anyway, it’s just a subject I’ve been thinking about earnestly as my 5 year son challenges my patience like 5 years olds are want to do. I have NEVER struck him hard, never left a mark, never more than a swat or two on the butt and it’s something that has occurred very infrequently yet every single time I’ve done it, I’m very troubled by it…b/c of the EMOTION I felt when doing so. Think about it…and be honest.
And what are we teaching children when we strike them? That violence is the means to get what you want? What exactly is the lesson there? Personally, I think taking away my son’s Xbox (for example) or any other privilege will carry far greater consequences than the temporary sting of my hand across his backside.