interesting, and do you feel your ambitions and desires are limited now? If so, how?[/quote]
Yes, very much so. Every single thing I do has a cost. If I pursued a woman, I’d have to account for the cost of my commute to see her, the cost of dates, the cost of more appealing attire, and the cost of contraception in terms of finances. There are also time costs. If I wanted to take summer courses, I’d have to manage of the costs of that somehow as well be away from my family for an even larger portion of the year. I have non-negotiable financial obligations such as rent right now that I didn’t have last year. I have to monitor my luxuries and keep myself out of the red. I have at least one confirmed work opportunity now finally. I’ve applied for probably 70-80 jobs in the span of a few weeks. Fuck Regal Cinema btw.[/quote]
it sounds to me like you are focusing too much on the cost. It’s apparent from the repetition of the word in your post.
To use the example you used of pursuing a woman, it sounds to me like the problem is that relationships with women you’ve had in the past were not worth the cost. Everything we do is as the result of perceived cost vs perceived reward, whether we are aware of it consciously or not. It sounds like either you have not had a good enough relationship with a woman in the past to be able to see past the costs, or you have recently had a bad relationship which is causing you to ruminate on what you had to give up or sacrifice. You have skewed your perception to emphasise costs and deemphasise benefits, affecting how you behave.
As for the summer courses, it sounds almost like you are making excuses not to do them. I’ve read your posts for a while now, and have learned a little of your background. You are a very intelligent and driven young man, and I don’t believe that things like financial management or time restraints are anything you couldn’t handle.
Are you sure that what you are doing right now is definitely what you want? Could the extra emphasis you are giving to costs be because you are losing motivation to do something that you’re not sure you want to dedicate your life to anymore?
and don’t stress about the newfound financial responsibility. We all panicked when we were first in that situation. You’ll cope just fine, everybody does.
And I’m sorry if it sounds like I’ve gone all pop psychology on you, I’m just trying to help[/quote]
I know you’re trying to help and I appreciate. I would like to take summer courses in the future I just need to plan for them. I’m focusing on costs so much because I’m literally running on empty lol. I’ve had overdraft before and the mere principle of an overdraft fee is ridiculous. I’m really, really good with financial planning. I’ve just been very irresponsible with my spending. I’ve definitely changed that now. It’s really easy to spend a lot of money in one day in a city and not even notice, so I’m just being careful.
My past two relationships were… well… bad. I won’t get too into it, but they were both huge stressors and distractions. I definitely learned a lot from both experiences, and I feel I’m a stronger and wiser person as a result.
I’m not someone that gives up. I can be flexible my plans and adapt. I certainly don’t give up. I’m more motivated than ever, but I’m not getting any legitimate opportunities to act upon it. It’s just a lot of things have been pissing me off like crazy. I’m very disappointed in many aspects of the world around me, but I’m optimistic and I know I’ll make it. I just need to wear a better pair of boots when I wade through shit.