T Nation

High Expectations

[quote]spar4tee wrote:
I’d like to discuss the merit of having high expectations as pertains to perpetual advancement. I can’t really enjoy things I normally do anymore unless I feel that I’m making something of myself. I feel angry, disappointed, and frustrated with my current progress. I have this relentless hunger that isn’t being satiated. My needs as a man aren’t being met, and frankly, I don’t feel very manly as a result. This purpose of this thread is to engage in intimate discussion on the matters of growing up and obtaining the future you envision for yourself.[/quote]

explain what you mean by “my needs as a man aren’t being met, and frankly, I don’t feel very manly as a result”

[quote]spar4tee wrote:
I know it’s mostly incidental. I’m just as capable as they are, and I’m happy for their respective yields. I just want a slice of the pie. I also really want more experience that I can take a microscope to variables are relatively blind to now, so I can make employ more focused planning and preparation for the future. I like mystery, but I don’t want to stub my toe in the dark. Plus the need for money is pretty constant and I don’t want to be a burden on my family.

Started when I was 3 or 4. I wanted to be an astronaut. Graduated from there. Explored astrophysics, quantum physics, biochemistry, genetic engineering, aerospace engineering, etc. Everything I ever wanted to do was heavily scientifically inclined. I’m interested in all those things. I’m actually interested in all things period given a certain orientation. I’ve been indulging myself in a lot of self study and that is opening my eyes to different avenues of learning that I hadn’t actively experienced before. I actually really want to double major, but I’m already behind and I don’t know if it’s feasible at this stage. It’s a matter of risk vs reward though to be fair, I haven’t had a single semester where a personal or financial issue hasn’t pulled my attention from school, so I don’t even know what my work capacity even is as far as school is concerned.[/quote]

Mmm. Money… the great problem. I don’t know about your situation, and this is a very personal thing, but for me, my family always sort of looked at college as a parental expense. It really doesn’t matter when you think about it, because either you are paying for college when you’re in college, or you’re paying for college when your kids are in college. It will always be a financial burden on someone, but it all nets out in the end, and in the present parents are usually much more equipped to help with handling expenses. Of course sometimes it is very hard for parents to manage the expense regardless.

BTW where I went to college a physics minor literally consisted of the same number of credit hours as most majors. So I wouldn’t stress yourself with trying to double major that lol. There is always time to go back and attain more knowledge.

[quote]Big Kahuna wrote:
Sometimes I masturbate too soon after the last time I masturbated, and I realise that building up a tolerance to doing it all the time makes it not feel quite as good as laying off for a few days. Those are high expectations, but coupled with low rewards.[/quote]

you need a girlfriend

[quote]rds63799 wrote:

[quote]Big Kahuna wrote:
Sometimes I masturbate too soon after the last time I masturbated, and I realise that building up a tolerance to doing it all the time makes it not feel quite as good as laying off for a few days. Those are high expectations, but coupled with low rewards.[/quote]

you need a girlfriend[/quote]

[quote]rds63799 wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:
I’d like to discuss the merit of having high expectations as pertains to perpetual advancement. I can’t really enjoy things I normally do anymore unless I feel that I’m making something of myself. I feel angry, disappointed, and frustrated with my current progress. I have this relentless hunger that isn’t being satiated. My needs as a man aren’t being met, and frankly, I don’t feel very manly as a result. This purpose of this thread is to engage in intimate discussion on the matters of growing up and obtaining the future you envision for yourself.[/quote]

explain what you mean by “my needs as a man aren’t being met, and frankly, I don’t feel very manly as a result”

[/quote]
My empire is far short of its potential. I need to be out in the world acquiring my own yield.

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]rds63799 wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:
I’d like to discuss the merit of having high expectations as pertains to perpetual advancement. I can’t really enjoy things I normally do anymore unless I feel that I’m making something of myself. I feel angry, disappointed, and frustrated with my current progress. I have this relentless hunger that isn’t being satiated. My needs as a man aren’t being met, and frankly, I don’t feel very manly as a result. This purpose of this thread is to engage in intimate discussion on the matters of growing up and obtaining the future you envision for yourself.[/quote]

explain what you mean by “my needs as a man aren’t being met, and frankly, I don’t feel very manly as a result”

[/quote]
My empire is far short of its potential. I need to be out in the world acquiring my own yield.[/quote]

and you believe that will make you feel like a “man”?

[quote]bdocksaints75 wrote:
There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it I have now surpassed. My pain is constant and sharp, and I do not hope for a better world for anyone. In fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape. But even after admitting this, there is no catharsis; my punishment continues to elude me, and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself. No new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing.[/quote]

Did you even try to fit in?

[quote]rds63799 wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]rds63799 wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:
I’d like to discuss the merit of having high expectations as pertains to perpetual advancement. I can’t really enjoy things I normally do anymore unless I feel that I’m making something of myself. I feel angry, disappointed, and frustrated with my current progress. I have this relentless hunger that isn’t being satiated. My needs as a man aren’t being met, and frankly, I don’t feel very manly as a result. This purpose of this thread is to engage in intimate discussion on the matters of growing up and obtaining the future you envision for yourself.[/quote]

explain what you mean by “my needs as a man aren’t being met, and frankly, I don’t feel very manly as a result”

[/quote]
My empire is far short of its potential. I need to be out in the world acquiring my own yield.[/quote]

and you believe that will make you feel like a “man”?[/quote]
More manly

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]rds63799 wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]rds63799 wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:
I’d like to discuss the merit of having high expectations as pertains to perpetual advancement. I can’t really enjoy things I normally do anymore unless I feel that I’m making something of myself. I feel angry, disappointed, and frustrated with my current progress. I have this relentless hunger that isn’t being satiated. My needs as a man aren’t being met, and frankly, I don’t feel very manly as a result. This purpose of this thread is to engage in intimate discussion on the matters of growing up and obtaining the future you envision for yourself.[/quote]

explain what you mean by “my needs as a man aren’t being met, and frankly, I don’t feel very manly as a result”

[/quote]
My empire is far short of its potential. I need to be out in the world acquiring my own yield.[/quote]

and you believe that will make you feel like a “man”?[/quote]
More manly[/quote]

in what sense?

[quote]rds63799 wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]rds63799 wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]rds63799 wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:
I’d like to discuss the merit of having high expectations as pertains to perpetual advancement. I can’t really enjoy things I normally do anymore unless I feel that I’m making something of myself. I feel angry, disappointed, and frustrated with my current progress. I have this relentless hunger that isn’t being satiated. My needs as a man aren’t being met, and frankly, I don’t feel very manly as a result. This purpose of this thread is to engage in intimate discussion on the matters of growing up and obtaining the future you envision for yourself.[/quote]

explain what you mean by “my needs as a man aren’t being met, and frankly, I don’t feel very manly as a result”

[/quote]
My empire is far short of its potential. I need to be out in the world acquiring my own yield.[/quote]

and you believe that will make you feel like a “man”?[/quote]
More manly[/quote]

in what sense?[/quote]
More freedom to explore my ambitions and desires

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]rds63799 wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]rds63799 wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]rds63799 wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:
I’d like to discuss the merit of having high expectations as pertains to perpetual advancement. I can’t really enjoy things I normally do anymore unless I feel that I’m making something of myself. I feel angry, disappointed, and frustrated with my current progress. I have this relentless hunger that isn’t being satiated. My needs as a man aren’t being met, and frankly, I don’t feel very manly as a result. This purpose of this thread is to engage in intimate discussion on the matters of growing up and obtaining the future you envision for yourself.[/quote]

explain what you mean by “my needs as a man aren’t being met, and frankly, I don’t feel very manly as a result”

[/quote]
My empire is far short of its potential. I need to be out in the world acquiring my own yield.[/quote]

and you believe that will make you feel like a “man”?[/quote]
More manly[/quote]

in what sense?[/quote]
More freedom to explore my ambitions and desires[/quote]

interesting, and do you feel your ambitions and desires are limited now? If so, how?

[quote]rds63799 wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]rds63799 wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]rds63799 wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]rds63799 wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:
I’d like to discuss the merit of having high expectations as pertains to perpetual advancement. I can’t really enjoy things I normally do anymore unless I feel that I’m making something of myself. I feel angry, disappointed, and frustrated with my current progress. I have this relentless hunger that isn’t being satiated. My needs as a man aren’t being met, and frankly, I don’t feel very manly as a result. This purpose of this thread is to engage in intimate discussion on the matters of growing up and obtaining the future you envision for yourself.[/quote]

explain what you mean by “my needs as a man aren’t being met, and frankly, I don’t feel very manly as a result”

[/quote]
My empire is far short of its potential. I need to be out in the world acquiring my own yield.[/quote]

and you believe that will make you feel like a “man”?[/quote]
More manly[/quote]

in what sense?[/quote]
More freedom to explore my ambitions and desires[/quote]

interesting, and do you feel your ambitions and desires are limited now? If so, how?[/quote]
Yes, very much so. Every single thing I do has a cost. If I pursued a woman, I’d have to account for the cost of my commute to see her, the cost of dates, the cost of more appealing attire, and the cost of contraception in terms of finances. There are also time costs. If I wanted to take summer courses, I’d have to manage of the costs of that somehow as well be away from my family for an even larger portion of the year. I have non-negotiable financial obligations such as rent right now that I didn’t have last year. I have to monitor my luxuries and keep myself out of the red. I have at least one confirmed work opportunity now finally. I’ve applied for probably 70-80 jobs in the span of a few weeks. Fuck Regal Cinema btw.

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]rds63799 wrote:
interesting, and do you feel your ambitions and desires are limited now? If so, how?[/quote]

Yes, very much so. Every single thing I do has a cost. If I pursued a woman, I’d have to account for the cost of my commute to see her, the cost of dates, the cost of more appealing attire, and the cost of contraception in terms of finances. There are also time costs. If I wanted to take summer courses, I’d have to manage of the costs of that somehow as well be away from my family for an even larger portion of the year. I have non-negotiable financial obligations such as rent right now that I didn’t have last year. I have to monitor my luxuries and keep myself out of the red. I have at least one confirmed work opportunity now finally. I’ve applied for probably 70-80 jobs in the span of a few weeks. Fuck Regal Cinema btw.[/quote]

it sounds to me like you are focusing too much on the cost. It’s apparent from the repetition of the word in your post.

To use the example you used of pursuing a woman, it sounds to me like the problem is that relationships with women you’ve had in the past were not worth the cost. Everything we do is as the result of perceived cost vs perceived reward, whether we are aware of it consciously or not. It sounds like either you have not had a good enough relationship with a woman in the past to be able to see past the costs, or you have recently had a bad relationship which is causing you to ruminate on what you had to give up or sacrifice. You have skewed your perception to emphasise costs and deemphasise benefits, affecting how you behave.

As for the summer courses, it sounds almost like you are making excuses not to do them. I’ve read your posts for a while now, and have learned a little of your background. You are a very intelligent and driven young man, and I don’t believe that things like financial management or time restraints are anything you couldn’t handle.

Are you sure that what you are doing right now is definitely what you want? Could the extra emphasis you are giving to costs be because you are losing motivation to do something that you’re not sure you want to dedicate your life to anymore?

and don’t stress about the newfound financial responsibility. We all panicked when we were first in that situation. You’ll cope just fine, everybody does.

And I’m sorry if it sounds like I’ve gone all pop psychology on you, I’m just trying to help

[quote]rds63799 wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]rds63799 wrote:
interesting, and do you feel your ambitions and desires are limited now? If so, how?[/quote]

Yes, very much so. Every single thing I do has a cost. If I pursued a woman, I’d have to account for the cost of my commute to see her, the cost of dates, the cost of more appealing attire, and the cost of contraception in terms of finances. There are also time costs. If I wanted to take summer courses, I’d have to manage of the costs of that somehow as well be away from my family for an even larger portion of the year. I have non-negotiable financial obligations such as rent right now that I didn’t have last year. I have to monitor my luxuries and keep myself out of the red. I have at least one confirmed work opportunity now finally. I’ve applied for probably 70-80 jobs in the span of a few weeks. Fuck Regal Cinema btw.[/quote]

it sounds to me like you are focusing too much on the cost. It’s apparent from the repetition of the word in your post.

To use the example you used of pursuing a woman, it sounds to me like the problem is that relationships with women you’ve had in the past were not worth the cost. Everything we do is as the result of perceived cost vs perceived reward, whether we are aware of it consciously or not. It sounds like either you have not had a good enough relationship with a woman in the past to be able to see past the costs, or you have recently had a bad relationship which is causing you to ruminate on what you had to give up or sacrifice. You have skewed your perception to emphasise costs and deemphasise benefits, affecting how you behave.

As for the summer courses, it sounds almost like you are making excuses not to do them. I’ve read your posts for a while now, and have learned a little of your background. You are a very intelligent and driven young man, and I don’t believe that things like financial management or time restraints are anything you couldn’t handle.

Are you sure that what you are doing right now is definitely what you want? Could the extra emphasis you are giving to costs be because you are losing motivation to do something that you’re not sure you want to dedicate your life to anymore?

and don’t stress about the newfound financial responsibility. We all panicked when we were first in that situation. You’ll cope just fine, everybody does.

And I’m sorry if it sounds like I’ve gone all pop psychology on you, I’m just trying to help[/quote]
I know you’re trying to help and I appreciate. I would like to take summer courses in the future I just need to plan for them. I’m focusing on costs so much because I’m literally running on empty lol. I’ve had overdraft before and the mere principle of an overdraft fee is ridiculous. I’m really, really good with financial planning. I’ve just been very irresponsible with my spending. I’ve definitely changed that now. It’s really easy to spend a lot of money in one day in a city and not even notice, so I’m just being careful.

My past two relationships were… well… bad. I won’t get too into it, but they were both huge stressors and distractions. I definitely learned a lot from both experiences, and I feel I’m a stronger and wiser person as a result.

I’m not someone that gives up. I can be flexible my plans and adapt. I certainly don’t give up. I’m more motivated than ever, but I’m not getting any legitimate opportunities to act upon it. It’s just a lot of things have been pissing me off like crazy. I’m very disappointed in many aspects of the world around me, but I’m optimistic and I know I’ll make it. I just need to wear a better pair of boots when I wade through shit.

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]bdocksaints75 wrote:
What needs are not being met?[/quote]
I suppose financial gain, professional success, and intellectual curiosity/satiation. I feel I should be much further along in life by now. It’s hard not to be envious of the success of my friends when I feel so stagnant. I also have this very deep desire for adventure and exploration.[/quote]

Interesting topic, and I know what you mean.

You simply want, want, want MORE and the voices in your head never stop.

BUT, at least as far as success and intellectual development are concerned you really do not want to stop ever.

Because if you reached the very pinnacle of what you are capable of, the voices in your head would not stop and you would have nowhere left to go to.

Its a journey, one step after the other and, quite frankly, I am looking forward to be being 50 and 60 and 70 because if you dont stop growing it is all very rewarding.

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]bdocksaints75 wrote:
What needs are not being met?[/quote]
I suppose financial gain, professional success, and intellectual curiosity/satiation. I feel I should be much further along in life by now. It’s hard not to be envious of the success of my friends when I feel so stagnant. I also have this very deep desire for adventure and exploration.[/quote]

Interesting topic, and I know what you mean.

You simply want, want, want MORE and the voices in your head never stop.

BUT, at least as far as success and intellectual development are concerned you really do not want to stop ever.

Because if you reached the very pinnacle of what you are capable of, the voices in your head would not stop and you would have nowhere left to go to.

Its a journey, one step after the other and, quite frankly, I am looking forward to be being 50 and 60 and 70 because if you dont stop growing it is all very rewarding.[/quote]
I agree. My wants feel like needs and that keeps me driven at a primal level.

you’re in a slump but it won’t last forever. I know people are always quick to offer platitudes as wisdom, but really, it won’t.

Finances are a bitch when you’re a student. Not really anything you can do about that. It’s a plate-spinning act where you have to work enough to live, study enough to pass and find time to actually be young and enjoy yourself. Nobody gets it completely right, so don’t worry. You’re not alone.

As for the relationship thing, I had two appalling relationships back to back when I was about your age. They really left some scars, and it sullied me against the whole idea of monogamy and finding a partner for a very long time. Then I met a girl who I had a long, happy and healthy relationship with. It didn’t work out and we broke up, but I’ll always be grateful to her for renewing my faith in love and relationships. These days I am engaged to marry the most perfect human being on Earth, and I don’t think I’d be in this position if it weren’t for that previous good relationship that put me back on track.

The point I’m trying to make here is that if I can be saved, then you can too. You just haven’t met your saviour yet (insert born-again Christian joke here).

The world will disappoint you, but there will always be people, places and things that can renew your faith. Just don’t let the bad stuff spoil your enjoyment of the good stuff.

[quote]spar4tee wrote:
My wants feel like needs .[/quote]

Yes, they do.

But, its a lie.

[quote]rds63799 wrote:
you’re in a slump but it won’t last forever. I know people are always quick to offer platitudes as wisdom, but really, it won’t.

Finances are a bitch when you’re a student. Not really anything you can do about that. It’s a plate-spinning act where you have to work enough to live, study enough to pass and find time to actually be young and enjoy yourself. Nobody gets it completely right, so don’t worry. You’re not alone.

As for the relationship thing, I had two appalling relationships back to back when I was about your age. They really left some scars, and it sullied me against the whole idea of monogamy and finding a partner for a very long time. Then I met a girl who I had a long, happy and healthy relationship with. It didn’t work out and we broke up, but I’ll always be grateful to her for renewing my faith in love and relationships. These days I am engaged to marry the most perfect human being on Earth, and I don’t think I’d be in this position if it weren’t for that previous good relationship that put me back on track.

The point I’m trying to make here is that if I can be saved, then you can too. You just haven’t met your saviour yet (insert born-again Christian joke here).

The world will disappoint you, but there will always be people, places and things that can renew your faith. Just don’t let the bad stuff spoil your enjoyment of the good stuff.[/quote]
I agree with your entire post. I’ve changed a lot in the past two years between graduating high school and now (17-19). My life is a lot different now than it was then.

Finances are indeed a bitch right now. The financial security that I thought I had was just an illusion. I’ve been getting better and better in that aspect though. Budgeting and planning has never been hard. It’s the responsibility aspect that’s taking time for me, but I’m getting there.

I also agree with you here. I’m very optimistic in this department. The hard part is being patient. There’s also the inner conflict between wanting a relationship and just casual sex. I know I prefer the former, but I also know that I would benefit from experiencing the latter prior to a serious relationship (i.e. the final relationship). We’ll see what future brings. As of the moment, girls/women aren’t something I’m focusing on (still check them out though).

I don’t mean to perpetuate the tone of a cynic. I’m typically a very optimistic and upbeat person. I have a lot of friends and made friends easily. People generally like me when they get to know me. I don’t know why, but it’s true. I could be worse off. Last year’s slump was #fullhouse.

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:
My wants feel like needs .[/quote]

Yes, they do.

But, its a lie. [/quote]
If it is, it’s a very useful one