I'd like to discuss the merit of having high expectations as pertains to perpetual advancement. I can't really enjoy things I normally do anymore unless I feel that I'm making something of myself. I feel angry, disappointed, and frustrated with my current progress. I have this relentless hunger that isn't being satiated. My needs as a man aren't being met, and frankly, I don't feel very manly as a result. This purpose of this thread is to engage in intimate discussion on the matters of growing up and obtaining the future you envision for yourself.
There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it I have now surpassed. My pain is constant and sharp, and I do not hope for a better world for anyone. In fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape. But even after admitting this, there is no catharsis; my punishment continues to elude me, and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself. No new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing.
I just want to see the life experience of others
But all this is will get better by posting on the internet...
and yes, I'm just fucking with you
Sometimes I masturbate too soon after the last time I masturbated, and I realise that building up a tolerance to doing it all the time makes it not feel quite as good as laying off for a few days. Those are high expectations, but coupled with low rewards.
If I can obtain even the slightest modicum of insight that I'm blind to, it'll be worth the bashing and dissent.
I think South Park summed it up best.
It's a condition called becoming a cynical assh*le:
I'll find a cure one day... one day...
Man, that episode had the saddest ending I've ever seen from South Park, with fucking landslide playing in the background while he cries himself to sleep.
I felt violated for South Park to surprise me with that.
I guess I just want school to start back up again
So does every thirty year old in the world.
What needs are not being met?
I suppose financial gain, professional success, and intellectual curiosity/satiation. I feel I should be much further along in life by now. It's hard not to be envious of the success of my friends when I feel so stagnant. I also have this very deep desire for adventure and exploration.
This is where the practice of sowing your wild oats came from. Young men are meant to be stricken with wanderlust. Of course nowadays they are shuffled through regiments and schooling and straight into a job.
If you are still in school your financial gain and professional success are irrelevant. That race doesn't start until you have your degree. Whatever your friends may be doing that makes them "further along" is incidental.
You are in mechanical engineering with a physics minor? What got you started in that? I think you said so once, but I can't remember. Are you interested in nano-technology? Particles? Energy? Reconnect with what kindled your interest in physics and engineering in the first place.
I see it as the difference between "doing" and "being".
It's easy to be happy when you're accomplishing things, even if you're not necessarily successful.
But it's much more difficult to be happy when you're just "being" in the world. Not achieving or accomplishing, just "being".
Initially I didn't understand what the hell you were on about, now I get it. I'm actually in the same boat tbh..
Come to Africa
I know it's mostly incidental. I'm just as capable as they are, and I'm happy for their respective yields. I just want a slice of the pie. I also really want more experience that I can take a microscope to variables are relatively blind to now, so I can make employ more focused planning and preparation for the future. I like mystery, but I don't want to stub my toe in the dark. Plus the need for money is pretty constant and I don't want to be a burden on my family.
Started when I was 3 or 4. I wanted to be an astronaut. Graduated from there. Explored astrophysics, quantum physics, biochemistry, genetic engineering, aerospace engineering, etc. Everything I ever wanted to do was heavily scientifically inclined. I'm interested in all those things. I'm actually interested in all things period given a certain orientation. I've been indulging myself in a lot of self study and that is opening my eyes to different avenues of learning that I hadn't actively experienced before. I actually really want to double major, but I'm already behind and I don't know if it's feasible at this stage. It's a matter of risk vs reward though to be fair, I haven't had a single semester where a personal or financial issue hasn't pulled my attention from school, so I don't even know what my work capacity even is as far as school is concerned.
Yeah I admit my OP was pretty disoriented. I'm not as articulate and free-flowing as I normally am. A lot of stuff has really been pissing me off lately. Reached a bit of a peak last night.
I seriously plan on going abroad all over in a few years. Just need the money...
I know I'm accomplishing small things. I've been becoming a lot more disciplined, focused, and driven. My priorities and values have changed. My habits have changed. I just hate losing seemingly effort based gambles purely on the basis of luck and disposition. I know I'm meant for a lot more. Everyone that knows me believes the same.
God damn it man now I feel all weird inside after reading this