T Nation

HGH Questions/Baw Thread

Hello everyone, I am interested in trying HGH and would appreciate some insight from other users. Sorry for the long post in advance, I just need to get some things off my chest as much as anything else.

I’m a 27 year old male, have a girlfriend, a social life, but I have a whole host of problems that underlie pretty much everything about me.

First, a little history. I had a pretty bad childhood, not to whine or complain, but it was stressful as hell. From about 5-6 years old I was homeless, and then once the police found me, I was put in an orphanage while my parents fought a custody battle over me. While there, I was routinely beaten for being white, not to start some race discussion, that’s just the way it was. I was only about 6 at the time. Once I was placed in one of my parent’s custody things didn’t get much better. A half-sister of mine basically psychologically tortured me for years, constantly yelling at me, mocking me, etc. In school, I was popular for a long time, but once late middle school came around it was clear I was not growing at the same rate as everyone else. That’s when the beatings and mockings started. These kids literally tortured me. Between everything, I became even jumpier than before. This is pretty common with people who are low on the middle school/high school food chain I believe, but I think I had it pretty bad. I don’t want to document everything that happened, but it did scar me. I couldn’t even escape these people in my sleep because they were there torturing me allover again.

People couldn’t even give me a high five without prompting me to jump away in fear.

I really retreated into books and fantasy novels. Not to get into all the scientific studies I’ve read, but stress very early in life especially, and of course later in life, leads to brain shrinkage, increases in cortisol, lowered T levels, and shrinking of the bones in the extremities, lack of growth hormone, etc. I think a big factor is genetic susceptibility. So, you can have a different person on the same conditions, and perhaps they grow normally, but for certain people, you end up like me. Basically I believe due to diet and stress, my body underwent drastic metabolic changes. My body was constantly in fight or flight mode and it really started to destroy it. I have read that a stressful life can advance puberty because of the idea that you better start reproducing if you’re going to die soon. But I also heard that a stressful life has the opposite effect in others, basically it’s saying, don’t grow yet because right now you just need to focus on surviving to hit puberty another day. I think I fall into the latter category.

So, I am about 5’9", but I have a lot of belly fat deposits with very very skinny wrists. Strangely enough, my left wrist is thinner than the right wrist. In addition, I have much more wrinkles in my left hand than my right, indicating that somehow this particular arm didn’t get as many nutrients IMO. Furthermore, once I hit puberty, it’s like I was growing vertically, but my limbs just stayed skinny as hell.

On top of all of that, my nutrition was horrible growing up. I attribute this to a mixture of outside factors and me being too stupid and young to know any better. I drank a ton of coke everyday, ate sugary crap, never even ate a lot to begin with, and I think this also greatly contributed to my reduced physical stature and added stress to my body. I stopped playing sports rather young since everyone was blowing past me in terms of size and speed, and I really just couldn’t keep up. This just created a vicious cycle I had difficulty escaping from.

I always have slept a lot as well, and this is probably partly genetic and also just due to my body being all fucked up because of the host of factors described above. I still suffer from some pretty intense fatigue, and during high school, was always sleeping in class. Couldn’t get on a normal sleep schedule to save my life. Guess what? More stress from sleep deprivation…I can barely believe I haven’t had a heart attack yet. The body also needs sleep to grow, and I was barely getting any.

Oddly enough, I started taking Paxil at the end of high school. I was depressed and on top of all of that, my dad had died when I was 17 from a horrible disease that lasted for years. But I think the Paxil possibly repaired some of the brain damage my life had undergone due to the stress. Some of my old personality came back. Started dating a really cute girl in college and have since been pretty successful with women. I am actually pretty good-looking considering my body composition, and I can make people laugh. So I’ve gotten by on life on that.

That being said, I fatigue very easily. Have a ton of trouble losing belly fat, and suffer from various little health ailments that flair up that the average person my age probably doesn’t deal with. I exercise now, running at least 4x a week pretty intensely and have for about 5 years now. It has helped for sure. Twice in my life I was working out with heavy weights REALLY intensely, eating a ton of protein, and was able to lose my belly fat and gain definition but gains faded. I also was totally unable to gain any mass on my wrists during those periods. I still lift weights, do sit-ups, pushups, that type of thing, but at this point for some reason I can’t shed my belly weight anymore despite these measures.

I also eat pretty healthy, lots of fruits and veggies, lean meats, fish, nuts, berries. I also take some whey now and then. I keep my sugar intake to a minimum, etc.

Basically, I’m interested in having a little bit more energy AND increasing my wrist bone size, even if it’s miniscule. I’ve read from other users on here and others that sometimes there is some growth of the wrist. I know it’s very possible no such growth will occur for me, but I want to give it a shot.

The problem is, I have no idea where to get a legitimate source and don’t know of a doctor who would prescribe it for me given I’m only 27. Just wondering if there is anyone who has experienced some positive wrist growth and some other benefits from a few cycles of HGH. I’m not looking to get huge, just look somewhat normal.

I also know I need to reduce my cortisol. I’m a bit of an alcoholic in the sense that I can go a few days without drinking, but once I start drinking I can’t stop. I am quite a social person, but I also experience anxiety, and being around so many people pushes me to want to drink more. People who experience anxiety tend to have this problem, at least a subset of anxiety suffers.

Anyway, sorry for the long post, just needed to write some of that down. Maybe some people keep share their experience with different steroids/HGH and let me know if they had positive experiences.