Hey all, I have a friend who needs some advice on how to approach a sensitive situation/topic.
My friend is a white girl and her boyfriend is black. I met the guy once and a few things struck me.
During my conversation with him (and the rest of the four of us at the lunch table), he tended to bring the conversation around to himself. He also tended to blame white people, a lot, for current problems (in front of my friend). In fact, almost every topic was veered over to these two topics. My friend tells me that this is a trend in his behavior and has put off the friends of hers that she has tried to introduce him to.
When she tried bringing this up with him, he apparently tied this behavior into his race. That is, he essentially told her that she wouldn?t understand why he acts the way he does because she isn?t black.
There are two issues here, namely the gentleman?s attitude and his belief. Speaking as an immigrant of color myself, I can see why one would blame the dominant race, but in my experience in North America (particularly the US), this is for the most part unwarranted. If you educate yourself and work hard towards your goal, you won?t be stopped. Maybe I?m naive.
But the question is, how does one approach the situation given the boyfriend?s attitude? Any suggestions?
I don’t think I would be very sensitive towards this situation. If you’re an ass it has nothing to do with the color of your skin. Personally, if one of my friends is dating someone that I don’t think is a good person or right for them, then I will let them know about it. But ultimately it’s their decision, not ours.
when hes standing by himself, sober. if you come at him when theres people around, he’ll feel the need to be defensive. The trouble is, he wants to blame somebody else for his problems - otherwise he has to blame himself.
if all else fails, tell him to go back to the motherland and chuck spears at lions. I gotta go do white guy stuff now.
It is my fervent belief that people deserve who they date.
Also, I do not tell my friends negative comments about the people they choose to associate with, unless they specifically request my opinion.
Were I in your situation, I wouldn’t bring it up, but would instead avoid spending time around him. During the natural course of events, either she’ll realize he’s a fool and stop dating him, or buy his opinion hook, line and sinker.
The fastest way to convince a fool they’re a fool is to let them have their own way. I am referring to your friend with this comment, not her boyfriend.
Alternatively, you could actively engage her boyfriend in race-relations discussion, but I doubt you’ll get very far.
Cliff Notes- YOU don’t deal with this. You just get out of the way and let her figure it out on her own.