T Nation

Help With Neighbor


Ok people let me try to break it down for you.

Now my wife and my neighbor have this agreement that they made when I was in Iraq.(i tryed to stop it but it didnt work.)

The way it works is that my wife will keep the neighbors kid when she goes to school and she will keep ours.

Now this is why it is difficult to say anything to her that would piss her off because she keeps our kid M,W,F. And we dont want her to treat our kid bad like being mean to her or just resent for us, going to our kid. Now we cant get daycare because it cost to much.

With that said, My neighbor has fucked us every chance she gets. She always brings her kid over for us to watch for shit like,, Oh I need to clean my house can you watch her for me. Im like what the fuck do you think we do with our daughter when we clean.(on the inside)She always brings her kid over for some stupid shit. She has even went as far as trying to bring her over so she could get drunk with all of there friends. I stopped that one though. But she did get drunk one night before my wife had to go to school and my wife wouldnt bring our daughter over there. And I agreed. But the problem there is that I was working nights so now I had to stay up untill 4:30 in the afternoon and get no sleep and go to work that night all because she wanted to get drunk and me and my wife didnt want her watching our kid when she had a hangover.

But, my wife wont let me say anything to her. And beleive me I would have no trouble saying what I need to say. Here husband is part of it also. He just sends her to do the dirty work.

Then when hurricane Rita came through she was like oh my god I have to get out of here its gonna hit us. My dad wants me to come home. And she was gonne for about 4 days. Now before you say well it was a hurricane look what happened to N.O. We live in San Antonio. And we where evacuating people from where it was gonna hit to the base here. And Im like do you really think they would bring people here if it was gonna hit us? I dont think so. Her:: Oh no I have to go it gonna be bad its a hurricane. ME:: Oh yea your right the cost is just 220 miles away from us its gonna be unreal.

Needless to say she missed nothing but sun shine and 95 degree weather. Just like I told her it was gonna be like.

Now because of this my wife missed 2 days of school and 2 tests.

Once again my wife wont let me say anything to her or her husband.

Now the iceing on the cake. Today when I wake up. I am awaken by the sound of her loud obnoxious voice. I look at the clock. 6:00 WTF! I dont have to be up untill 7:45 Why is she here? I drift back to sleep. 6:30 I am awaken by 2 children screaming.(just from playing. kids are just loud) WTF! I know whos kid it is. 3 guesses. Thats right hers. Now why is here daughter at my house at 6:30. So I get up, I walk down stairs to see my daughter and hers with toys every place you can think of.(and my wife just cleaned the house last night) Then I look out my front door to see her entire liveing room set, entertainment center, baby stuff and alot of junk in my driveway.

She decided to have a garage sale and put all the shit in our drive way without asking. And I have to go to work and all the shit is behind my truck. I lost my mind. But,once again my wife wont let me say anything.

Any way enought of my rambling. Im just pissed about this whole thing.

If there is any advice anyone could give to me to maybe convince my wife to let me say something. Because here and here husband are just gonna keep fucking us over if I dont. But, like I said I dont want any resentment for us to be directed at my kid from her.

Any help would be great.



Have you looked into CCMS through the county?


Not sure what CCMS is. Sorry. But, I live on base in base houseing. Now I dont want to get any of the higher ups involed in this I just wanna get my wife to let me say something or find a way to do it with out the guys supervisor getting involed. Plus my kid does stay over there and I dont want to have to beat someone down for being bad to my kid. I mean I would never know that she was being mean or what ever to my daughter unless there was some physical signs. My girl is only 2 so she cant tell me.


Easier to ask for forgiveness then permission.

Your wife probably feels the same way but doesn't want to cause any trouble or annomosity.

I would say something to the neighbor and let the chips fall where they may.


Ive really been thinking of doing that.
And yes my wife does feel the same. She gets so mad and wont say anything for about 2 hours and starts cleaning and shit.(why do women clean when they get mad?)

If it happens many more times that is probably what I will have to do.



Does your unit have a Key Volunteer or Family Readiness network? Maybe you can find someone else to take your kid during the day through them. Then you can stomp some ass all you want. Maybe your chaplain has some hookups for child care, or knows who would. The chaplains are usually pretty plugged into different resources on base. Once that dumbass doesn't have your kid, you can go apeshit on her all you want.

Semper Fi


Sounds like this woman shouldn't have kids let alone be looking after yours. After you speak to her, and you are going to have to......... you aren't going to want her looking after your kid any more. I think that once the shit hits the fan, you'll be looking for someone else to look after your kid.

I'd just find someone else, and tell the neighbour the 'agreement' is over.

\|/ 3Toes


You know I didnt think about that. I will have to look into it. Thanks. And I would love to tell her off and her husband. This is the first time I havent been able to speak my mind to someone and I cant stand it.



I dont know what she thinks when she brings her kid over for stupid shit. I have my own kid to deal with. We carry her where ever we go and in what ever we do. She just cant seem to understand that when you have kids they go where you go and you plan things around them. I mean me and my wife seem to clean and go to the Commissary(Grocery stor on base for all you civilian folk) just fine with our daughter.

Finding someone else is the problem. Ive been looking for about 2M and not many people that want to do it for free.

And Im a cop on base and Ive tryed to find shit to report her on with say child neglect but she hasnt done anything that I can see. And oh have I looked. Now the getting drunk thing was close but it seemed the neighbor on the other side of her didnt mind. So the kid wasnt there. So its possible that we are not the only people she is doing this to. But, she doesnt keep anybody elses kid.




[quote]hedo wrote:
Easier to ask for forgiveness then permission.

thats what im talking about : )
go get that bitch if you want some help give me a call and we will take care of the husband to.



(why do women clean when they get mad?)

thats not always a bad thing, that cleaning part anyways. tell he she can come over and clean my place if yous isn't durty


Shit man my place is always clean. But, Ill send her over the next time she gets mad. Just send her back when she is in a good mood.

And yea thouse 100's are gonna be good.
Been awhile since I pushed thouse up.


Goku: if you report her out of anger stemming from a personal issue like this could it come back to haunt you? cover ya ass man. Fukk sounds obnoxious


Goku, I'm an hour away in the Hill Country - she's welcome to help me out w/ my house, too! I need some organizational help. lol!!

Seriously, just say something. You said she feels the same way. She probably just doesn't want to make waves, which I understand. But I also realize that the longer I don't want to make waves the more I get walked on or taken advantage of. Just say something.


Reminds me of that "king of queens" episode where they kept sending his father in law to stay with their friends. Then the friends would send their kids hopped up on caffeine to out do the father.


Anyway, I dont have much help to offer other than to repeat what has already been said: say something to your neighbor. Shes trying to take advantage of the fact that you'll watch her kid.

Or, you could ask her to watch your kid for ridiculous reasons. Worse comes to worst, she says no. This way, you'll have a "reason" to say no when she wants to clean the house. How old are the kids? She could always give the kid a duster and let them help, or just plop them in front of their favorite TV show and viola!

Seems that your neighbor has taken this too far.


If someone is going to cop a resentment over something, I would rather it be someone else over something I did than the other way around. Looks like you are on the recieving end at this point.
Fuck'em. And if they don't like it, fuck'em again harder. Continue until they desist.


Your wifes just thinks youve got no tact. Make her deal with it. Create a excuse if necessary.


Yes, she has went too far. And as far as the tv show thing goes I know for a fact that she could put on Shrek or any Disney movie and the kid will watch it the whole way through.

Hell, Ive seen every Disney movie 20X right now. I can repeat the whole Shrek movie off the top of my head.

The neighbor is also pretty young. Only 21. She has alot of growing up to do.


21??? She's looking to party instead of parent. There is nothing wrong w/ going out w/ friends and having a good time. There IS something wrong w/ pawning your kid off on the neighbor so you can go get drunk on a Tuesday night.

You definitely need to say something. And I'm sure that in the long run your wife will understand. She's probably sick of being used, too.


No theres nothing wrong going out and drinking a beer or 20. But,like you said it is wrong to try to pawn her kid off on everybody.

I also forgot to mention that she is over at my house all the time. When Im gone to work she is at my house when I get home she is there. And I give her the go to hell look and she leaves shortly after.

Me and my wife would go run everyday in the afternoon when I got home from work. Now she has invited herself to run with us. I dont even go anymore. I do my running at the base gym now. Every time we try to do somethig shes like oh I wanna go. And then Im just like fuck it Im not going. And let my wife go with her in hopes that it will convince my wife to say something to her. Since she wont let me. And like Ive said before I would be more than happy to let her now how I feel. And I think Im gonna have to bite the bullet and do it anyway.

I think her and her husband have some issues. They seem to always be fighting over something. And Ive seen it. She does shit just to piss her husband off. I feel sorry for the guy about that. But, he is just as much part of the shit as she is.