I will try to keep this as short as possible because I really need advice.
I’m 38 years old. Have no thyroid or adrenal problems, just low T. My FSH and LH are normal, a urologist said my testes were damaged - something about lydig cells. Also had a vericocel, I had a serious ATV accident at age 15 that damaged my stuff.
As a kid, I always had sort of a lack of masculine features (my nuts were broke). I was horny when I was a teenager but had very low muscle tone, a fat stomach and had a hard time gaining weight despite my best efforts. I have no baseline reading of testosterone to know what my normal level is.
Fast forward to the year 2005… I was diagnosed with low T. My level was 199. I had lost my sex drive, gained fat, lost even more muscle in my upper body.
Doctor did lots of tests, ultrasounds, checked T, LH, FSH, E2, TSH, RT3, T3, SHBG, etc. etc. everything NORMAL except T was 199.
Doctor put me on 50mg T injections twice a week. Got my levels up to 1800. I felt GRRRREAT! I was more outgoing, I bought things I couldn’t afford, gained 20lbs, etc.
Then I asked my doc for some Arimidex to lower my E2, because it was starting to get out of hand.
He said no way. I went doctor shopping, couldn’t find any help. My doctor cut my T level down and my test fell to 550 in two weeks time.
Then I started having SEVERE panic attacks, like I would crawl out of my skin. My throat would spasm, my epigastric area would have a KNOT, my upper abdominal muscle would spasm (you could see my abdominal muscle in a knot from across the room). I’d shake visibly.
I found a doc who gave me cream from a compounding pharmacy. It got my test up to 1900 but I had extremely bad panic attacks. Couldn’t handle it and stopped.
Original doctor wanted to put me on xanax. I fired him and I just went off the T cold turkey.
A few months went by. I started falling apart, literally… lost 35lb, looked like an AIDS patient, could not get out of bed, no upper muscle, eyes sunken, high blood pressure, nervous wreck, ERs wanted to give me valium, xanax, etc. and attempted suicide at one point, but was not strong enough to move the barrel to get on and jump off to hang myself.
Lived through that, had been low on testosterone for the past 7 years. I look and feel like a miserable person.
Finally last month I saw a new doctor. He prescribed 1.62% androgel.
Last week I tried a tiny amount (1/4 pump) to see if I’d have a reaction. Nothing happened… then about an hour later, I started thinking about women. But that’s pathetically sad, given my sorry state.
Tried the androgel again (just a dot) the next day… no problem. Did this for a few days, gradually increasing to a half pump (I was supposed to be taking 2 pumps).
Knowing that I was probably shutting down my own T production, my T would probably decline to like zero, I decided to do this for only a few days.
Day 5, I realized that I either need to stop taking the androgel, or go full in… two pumps.
I tried another half pump this morning. By this evening my panic/anxiety came back like it did in 2005, perhaps worse.
HERE IS THE STRANGE PART…
MY THROAT AND EPIGASTRIC AREA (my whole upper GI tract) went it a SPASM like I could not imagine… I tried to drink some water, it wouldn’t go down!
I could not get liquid down - and my stomach was in knots
(I did have an upper GI not long ago and everything is fine there - this is hormone or nerves)
Then I started shaking visibly. Drove in front of the ER… sat there and thought perhaps my T just tanked from taking too small a dose. It was evening after all, and I took the androgel early this morning.
Drove myself home. Had a drink… stood in the mirror looking at myself in disgust.
Then I came here to post.
Please help me with these two questions:
#1 Why would I have esophageal/epigastric spasms whenever my testosterone tanks? Or could it be from taking the T (maybe it is turning into E2 or who knows what). This is not just me. I’ve found other posts from guys having the same symptom, for example on primordialperformance I read this:
“at one time i get some sort of anxiety attack and also this is very strange and never got this with injections but my throat get very tight and the only other time i got this side effect was when i would take dbol, its like a nervous lump in my throat. I researched all over the net and couldnt find any info from anybody else saying it did that to them.”
Strange, that’s the same symptom I got.
#2 Should I go full in… 2 pumps (I felt like I was having a heart attack today btw)… or should I throw in the towel?
I cannot throw in the towel, as in “just take it, if it kills you, what’s the loss”, because I now I have a wife and kids who need my sorry ass.
Adivce please. Thanks.