Help Relieving Extreme Guilt, Please Read

Agreed, you seem to feel an inordinate amount of guilt. She was the one who cheated, you were just an enabler. Doesn’t erase your guilt, but I would still call it a smaller crime. Unless you knew the guy. Then that’s just fucked up.

Best thing to do is accept it as a learning experience -some women have questionable morals, and most men have little trouble justifying something they know is wrong when in the moment- and move on. Definitely not something to be proud of(we all have those), but not worth dwelling on.

Oooo since everyone else is going I’ll going in too.

Slept with a married woman while her husband was away on business, and daughter was downstairs.

It’s not a big deal OP, think of it this way, if she was that easy to bed when she is engaged w/ two kids, she probably slept with a lot more guys behind her bf/husbands back. Your just one of them. Granted, I’m just a manwhore and sleep around a good bit. Gotta have fun while your young.

[quote]BlackLabel wrote:
HolyMac?[/quote]

lol neg.

while i have hooked up with a married woman. i didn’t find out she was married until the 2nd time.

i also didn’t have the urge to cut myself when i found out. i just stopped doing it.

[quote]Sarev0k wrote:

[quote]That One Guy wrote:
I think you should see a therapist, because you seem to be experiencing an exaggerated amount of guilt that I don’t think is normal.[/quote]

Therapists don’t do anything except tell you not to kill yourself, followed by a whopping dosage of anti-depressants that MESS YOU UP, and then guess what, you still feel like shit, but you’re numb. Numb all over.

@OP I feel for you man, we’ve all done stuff in our lives that we regret deeply, myself included. Half of these guys on here have no moral compass, so they have no credability. It is normal to feel guilty about something like that, just know that God forgives us for everything we do wrong, and you have already done the right thing through this confession to us. PM me if you ever want to talk.

  • Sar[/quote]

What that kind of attitude, of course they mess you up. Pessimists are never happy.

[quote]HolyMacaroni wrote:

i also didn’t have the urge to cut myself when i found out. i just stopped doing it.[/quote]

I’m actually kinda surprised, was it because your morality stepped in or you didn’t want an enraged husband all over your shit if he found out?

Don´t try to find her husband.

You´d only cause a divorce or unpleasant relationship problems under which their children would have to suffer.
Doing that to get a relief is selfish.

You did what you did. It´s better not to do it and I assume you won´t do it again. Stop kicking yourself for it.

[quote]Tyrant wrote:
Oooo since everyone else is going I’ll going in too.

Slept with a married woman while her husband was away on business, and daughter was downstairs.

[/quote]

Mine had two sons, both down the hall.

We saw each other for a month or two.

The first 3 girls I ever slept with were all cheating on their boyfriends with me.

[quote]needadvice wrote:
I created this new account to ask this question because I don’t really want any T- Friends to know who I am because I’d be embarressed.

Basically I feel asbolutly awfull about something I did in the past. I can’t stop thinking about it, sometimes my brain feels “pumped” from all the worrying.

About three years ago I was in a nightclub with a few friends when this girl comes on to me and starts flirting. I go along with it (why not) and before I know it, we are kissin on some seat. After a while we decide to go back to my place. She tells me before sex that shes engaged and has two kids! I tell her no way, I can’t do this and then she tells me " But i Don’t love him" For some reason I interpreted this as “its ok, shes not really in a relationship if she doesnt love him, go for it.”

Of course this was me thinking with my dick. Afterwards, she went back to her home up the North and i Broke off all contact with her. I wanted nothing to do with her.
This happened three years ago. I was 21 at the time, and I didn’t think much about it because i was young, immature, free and single and probably drunk. I cant remember all the details.

Now I am 24 and i have a serious relationship and I’m feeling regret. And I don’t know if i can accept what i did. I feel like I am a scumbag that doesnt deserve happiness in a relatonship. I worry about that man and his two kids up the North, will he be played by some careless woman for the rest of his life? I am ashamed that I was part of her making a fool out of him. I am ashamed that I was weak, and had sex with his Fiance. That last line disgusts me.

I am disgusted

I keep thinking of some decent man up the North with 2 kids, and a cheating fiance, and he doesnt know any better. I feel like he deserves to know the truth but I can’t find him. I don’t know how to deal with this guilt. I used to like who I was, now I dont want to be on my own. I’m nearly crying as i type. If i Had the morals that I Have now back then, I would have kicked that bitch out, and rang her boyfriend off her phone.

But I was 21 and sexually inexperienced, a bit drunk and pathetic. I dont know how to be happy again. I dont want to become clinically depressed, and anxious. I used to enjoy being a positive person. Now whenever I try to be happy this guilt drags me back. A few freinds of mine told me that she was the one in the wrong, that she lured me in and she “knew what she was doing. You were single, you didnt cheat, she did”

But I still feel wrong. I cant get this cloud of misery off my shoulders. I need a different perspective on the situation, one that will help me to get over this.

If you can offer any advice on dealing with guilt I would more than appreciate it. Its effecting my entire life.

I feel like this is something that “isnt who i am” but i cant get away from the guilt. I used to take pride in being a generally decent person, but this memory shakes my foundations. It challenges the way i percieve things, it makes me feel unacceptable, immmoral, prick, fuckin stupid. I dont want to feel like that dickhead who slept with a man’s woman.

I would never approache another man’s woman. Never. Ever. its not something I would ever thought i would do. Its something i take serious, and this memory shakes my whole fuckin life.

The longer this goes on, the more I forget about the details of that night. And the more ambiguous the situation becomes. More to worry about.

Lately I honestly cant remember if she told me before or after sex that she was engaged and had two kids.

All i remember saying was “no i cant do this” after she said it. Im thinking about it so much that anything else is exhausting

She really didnt give a shit. I do.

Can anyone help with this mess, i feel like a cunte.

[/quote]

dude, you gotta move on. if she was that easy, then trust me, the man has already found out. its obvious you are understanding in some part of your mind that its not completely your fault, as you are making excuses for your self, “i was drunk, immature, etc.” dont let someone elses poor faithfulness to their partner affect your relationship that your in. it has nothing to do with you OR your partner. and yeah, you were wrong, but so was she. if she wasnt to have cheated with you that night, she definitely would of been with someone else that night, so it really doesnt matter who it was, it would of happened. and its clear that you still have good morals, and you did back then, as immediately and to this day, you feel complete guilt. but its time to move on and get on with your life, it was a mistake that you know will never happen again, and you will find a new appreciation for staying faithful in your relationship and this will make you a better man/partner
good luck

I also struggle with guilt, often for no particular reason, there is just some part of me that is prone to it. My own experience is that:

-Alcohol makes it a thousand times worse. Beer much more so than spirits. I still drink, but I generally regret it.
-Any form of positive mantra makes it worse. This is pretty widely accepted as being true for depressed people in general. One theory on why this is the case is that if you don’t believe it then as someone predisposed to a negative outlook, it simply feels like a lie, thus seeding more guilt, and another failure to live up to an expectation.
-Failure is the central theme of all guilt. You failed to live up to a set of morals which you hope to live by, same as everyone who ever lived has.
-A good solution, for me at least, is to succeed. Luckily, you presumably lift heavy shit, so you have lots of chances to succeed, and to feel proud. Take whatever you want to be, find goals to help you get there and then feel good when you meet them. It can be anything. If you want to be better read, feel proud every time you finish a book. If you want to be strong, feel proud every time you nail a workout. On these occasions, consciously tell yourself that you have achieved something and are a better man than you were yesterday.
-IMO, allowing yourself to feel constant guilt is an attempt at self martyrdom. It belittles all that you could and should be. It does nothing but rob yourself of happiness and impose a burden on those who surround you. If you are truly concerned with doing the right thing, then, you must make strides to remove your guilt.

My 2 cents, I wish you luck.

I’ve helped a girl consistently on her boyfriend for a while, here’s why I didnt feel bad.

You obviously have the moral fortitude not to cheat, you respect yourself, your significant other and your commitments. Someone who cheats guilt free does not possess these characteristics (though some may disagree with the self respect part). Your guilt is clearly indicative of a bigger problem, you’re a grandoise narcissist (Sorry for my PHD-free internet diagnosis). Reason I say this is because you clearly think you are so important and influential that you can take on other’s guilt and live their live’s for them.

She was in the wrong she cheated, she has to live with the consequences. You’re implying she’s just a vassal incapable of thought who you led astray. If she had kids and a fiance and you were a wasted 21 year old she likely led you astray and used you as a tool for something she wanted to do anyway (you said you only talked for a few minutes).

You can’t live another person’s life for them, I have a hard time with that concept too sometimes. Let it go.

its just sex man, chill out

so qhat man??

think, if the girl cheated on his husband once, she’ll doit and did it more times, after 3 years i’m pretty sure that relation ship is over.

no one deserves a cheating whore/bitch/wife/gf/aunt.

Just move on, she was the one who cheated, not you and no one put a gun on her head.

PD: Sometimes i dream about a MMF with Holymac, mmmmm (leaves the room and stares his 6th grade teacher’s pic)

[quote]mmf4holymc wrote:
so qhat man??

think, if the girl cheated on his husband once, she’ll doit and did it more times, after 3 years i’m pretty sure that relation ship is over.

no one deserves a cheating whore/bitch/wife/gf/aunt.

Just move on, she was the one who cheated, not you and no one put a gun on her head.

PD: Sometimes i dream about a MMF with Holymac, mmmmm (leaves the room and stares his 6th grade teacher’s pic)[/quote]

lol at aunt

[quote]mmf4holymc wrote:
so qhat man??

think, if the girl cheated on his husband once, she’ll doit and did it more times, after 3 years i’m pretty sure that relation ship is over.

no one deserves a cheating whore/bitch/wife/gf/aunt.

Just move on, she was the one who cheated, not you and no one put a gun on her head.

PD: Sometimes i dream about a MMF with Holymac, mmmmm (leaves the room and stares his 6th grade teacher’s pic)[/quote]

You’re just creepy…

Having sex with a married woman is like eating a hamburger. Enjoy the meal, don’t think about the cow.

Shit, that sounded a lot more profound in my head.

i know a guy whose wife cheats on him, and i just want to scream it in his face that his wife is a cheating whore, but i keep my mouth shut cause his wife if my girlfriend’s friend. but i feel guilty just knowing it and he doesnt. go to confession.

Who the hell says, “from up the north”?

I met a chick from up the north? She got married up the north? I banged her down the south. Now I want her husband from up the north to know.

OP is a fucking nutjob. And whomever is offering him a serious reply is his equal (nutjob). OP is probably catholic. Your God isn’t here priest.

OP is a fucking nutjob. And whomever is offering him a serious reply is his equal (nutjob). OP is probably catholic. Your God isn’t here priest.

I was really going to try and think of a good reply to help this kid out, but after reading through his dilemma again, I realize there is probably no amount of rationalizing that is going to have a positive effect.

If he’s feeling THIS much guilt, for THIS long about doing something that, while not the most noble thing in the world, is certainly not worthy of this much afterthought, then his problem is not having committed this act, his problem is some sort of mental condition that predisposes him to obsessive thought, and a need for “drama”. If its not this one ridiculous reason, he’ll manufacture another one.

Just imagine, that he’s sitting there years later, still feeling guilty for this one stupid act, yet he has no idea if this marriage: ever even happened, is still together, if she was even telling the truth to begin with, if the guy is such a dick that he deserved it anyway, and a million other possibilities.

They may even be perfectly happy together at this point, and that one indiscretion on her part has actually HELPED her marriage. Shit, by now, that guy may be married to someone else and perfectly happy, and she may have had sex with 47 other men, and have 4 kids.

And I can guarantee you one thing, this bitch probably hasn’t thought about OP since the morning after. But OP is ruining his own life, relationship, and probably torturing all his family and acquaintances with this Guilt crap.

Get the fuck over it, just don’t ever do it again so you won’t have another excuse to dramatize over, because at this rate, you’re going to have no friends left in another few years. Nobody wants to hear this shit over and over when they have their own REAL problems.

Add to that, don’t ever: Cut someone in line, run over a squirrel with your car, or take spare change that you’re not sure is yours, lest ten years from now, YOUR wife will be rolling her eyes while you go on and on about how guilty you feel about it.