T Nation

Help Me Create a T-Vixen

OK folks, I need some ideas here. I recently started dating a girl, who although looks great and has a nice bod, doesn’t believe in diet or exercise. Yikes! Well, she does yoga on occasion, so that’s something. But my main goal is to get her to change her eating habits (not force her into exercise). As it stands right now, she eats once a day. We all know that’s not good. I told her to eat 6 meals a day … and the common excuse came: “I’m too busy and don’t have time.” Anyway, I’m going to try to put together a good meal plan for her that she can pre-make the stuff and just eat at her desk, and stuff she likes. Has anyone ever had to convince someone to live healthier? I hate preaching, as if I’m trying to recruit someone into the Amway cult … so I figure a good thing might be to get others’ comments on the subject and say, “This is what others are saying about it!” Another thing to note is that she sometimes suffers from panic attacks … I’m not an expert but I would think that a healthy diet would aid in such an area? So that’s a good angle to take. Also, if there are any T-Vixens out there who used to be like her (I’m not trying to generalize but it has been my experience that females are usually the ones who think eating nothing is the way to go…) and if you’ve “seen the light” can you tell about your experience? Thanks!

My Vixen used to beleive all the low fat crap that every diet guru used to spew, and believed cardio was king.
I read everything and quoted things from time to time… telling someone what’s best for them seldom works… I just ate and exercised by what I had learn from T-mag and a couple other sources… I just mentioned things from time to time and when she heard the same stuff somewhere else it really hit home.
Now she knows Low fat food is loaded with simple carbs, and she is amoung the few people that uses the squat rack at our gym… she gets pumped knowing she is doing tough exercises, when alot of the guy’s are using pussy weights and exercises.
Tell her what works, but don’t push… it may take awhile, but it’s worth it.

Thanks for the input Dale. Yeah, if I push too hard it won’t be worth squat (to use a pun). I may take the “if you cared about me you’d at least try it” approach, lol.

Hey G - This is a thing that most women have a problem with. Have you watched Ally McBeal lately?
You could tell her about the health benefits of eating smaller meals over the day, but what really matters is that what she’s doing right now probably keeps her in the shape she’s in.
If she eats 5 or 6 meals a day, it’s better for the long term. Her insulin levels will be way more consistent - right now she probably has low energy all day until she eats one big meal and is awake until 4am. Tell her that down the road, not only would she be lowering the risk of disease and serious illness, but most men and women that do this all thier lives eventually become larger as the years go by and body fat % increases. I don’t know about you but I’ve met alot of people in thier later years that ‘ate this way all thier lives’ and are just now starting to change their diet because the have too. My father is a prime example - developed type 2 diabetes because of this ‘diet’ and has seriously high blood pressure, high chance of heart disease, plus a slew of other health issues, like not being able to even go up a flight of stairs in his home anymore because he gets too winded, he has to rest half-way. Let her know that you care about her, and if the relationship is serious tell her that you want to grow old and wrinkly together! That should do the trick! Good luck!

Since she looks great already it is going to be hard to talk her into anything new. You guys don’t like to be changed either. See if she will at least read some information and maybe she will draw her own conclusions. I was never overweight either. What got ME into the gym was when I realized how weak I was.I didn’t like it. From there I learned to eat right to get some muscle and increase my strength. Good Luck!


Note from moderator: Kill the all caps. No need to scream.

I’ve dated a few girls who took interest in weight training and came with me. I would teach them basic stuff about training and nutrition. They would follow it for a little while or make a half-ass attempt. You can’t change someone’s habits unless they are determined to do so. So my advice is to wait until she is disciplined and dedicated to making a lifestyle change. Otherwise, you are preaching to the choir, even if it is the best thing for her.

I feel your pain. My wife hates to exercise but I told her that the fact that she exercises whether she shows results at the moment turns me on. I don’t even have to see her do it, just coming home and seeing the barbells or another piece of equipment out turns me on because I know she’s doing it for me.

I will say that as she started to see a difference in her body she got more into it and I make sure that she does something she likes. Also I walk with her and we’ve agreed to learn to rollerblade together once I’m through fighting for the year.

Don’t pressure her but, you can make a deal with her to start doing something she likes if she’ll try exercising your way. Oh yeah, if she likes yoga, she might like Combat conditioning simply because some of the movements are similar.

Don’t have her go from 1 meal a day to 6 meals. Are you crazy?? You’re setting her up for failure. Have try 3 meals daily for a few weeks. Then work up to 4 meals and possibly 5 meals down the road depending on caloric intake. From experience, people don’t change their bad habits in one day. It takes time. She’ll thank you in a year or two.

I have been going through the same thing over the past 2 years. We have recently married and she has been slowly coming around since we met. My wife had recently completed her first marathon when I met her but was surprised that despite eating 3 veggie meals a day and running 6-18 miles every morning before breakfast, she didn’t look the way she wanted to and felt worn out all the time.

I got her to start weights first, one set per exercise, very subtle change. She began to enjoy getting stronger and wanted to know more. 2 years later she deadlifts, front and back squats, can chin her own weight, and looks damn good. She also enjoys a steak every now and then and eats chicken/fish everyday. It takes time but every little change will make the next one easier. Good luck!

Leave her alone…it’s her life.

You can’t create a T-vixen, you have to find one. Fuck the girl you have and look for someone better.

the best way to create a t-vixen is in a lab- like on Weird Science.

I agree with Maclar. Take her as she is. If she finds what you are doing worthwhile picking up, great. If not, oh well. If you keep on bugging her like this, eventually she’ll get sick of it and dump you. Hey, there’s nothing wrong with having different interests. By the way, Nate Dogg, “preaching to the choir” means preaching to someone who’s already a convert. In this case, “preaching to the pagan,” may be more appropriate.

You cannot change her attitudes over night (if
ever), and will only harm yourself, her
and the relationship by trying. I’ve been married 9 years, and actively lifting for 2 years, 4 months. For the first year of my training, I’d ask her about it, drop hints, make suggestions. She was not interested. The second year I started to offer buying her gym memberships etc. Did’nt help. I’m certainly no specimen to be proud of – I do not manage the calories very well. But I work hard, and know enough that I’ve been able to pack some muscle onto my frame and people started to notice. Then I think she noticed – as her fitness continued to decline and she put on weight. Eventually, 4 months ago I talked her into a year membership – and she likes it. She’s relatively convinced that’s she’s putting on muscle – I have my doubts, its probably too early to actually see – but I humor her. I’m still working on her diet too. She at least understands healthy food vs unhealthy food, and the calorie connection, but is not interested in 6 meals. The point is, keep doing your thing, and keep giving her opportunities to join you.

I have to agree with alot of the comments her. You can force a lifestyle onto someone. I have been active my whole life and fitness has always been there for me…i really enjoy it… I know too many girls that buy a memberships to gym or come out to only ONe ofmy aerobics classes because the want to “loose weight” and never return. You have to realize that some people just plain dont like to work out. Please dont try to self impose this on her because she might get offened and maybe even take it the wrong way (like your telling her you dont like her the way she is). If it really bothers you, mabe you should re-asses the type of person you want to be with…T-vixen Jenn

Sounds to me like you will be less a chick in about 4 months…tops, if you keep that up.

Leaving a paper copy of T-Mag lying around the house might help get her started, she’s bound to at least look through it.

…i’ve never even considered dating someone who i wanted to change and would be repulsed by anyone who would date me in turn with the intentions of an “improvement project” … with that said,
i anticipate that if you wait for her to give you verbal clues that she wants to become healthier than your “wisdom” will be taken as lifestyle changes and are more likely to “stick”
most people do want to become healthier, so i’d wait for her to ask about joining you in the gym, or perhaps you could plan to meet during some of your meals, this way she gets to observe proper eating habits and food combinations rather than being preached to

Hyok, good catch. After I posted, I was like, “That doesn’t sound right.” Oh well. What can you do? It’s all good! Hey Grow, if your girl already looks good and doesn’t work out, then I wouldn’t worry about it. The only time I can imagine it being a real problem is if you like to stay active, and she likes to sit around.
For me, I need an active girl. Someone who enjoys exercise and getting outside to play. So I don’t like hanging with lazy asses. And I’ve dated a few girls that were very pretty and had nice bodies, but they weren’t very active. It was annoying, and then they got angry because I didn’t spend enough time with them. Eventually, they realized that if they wanted to spend more time with me, they would have to join me in the gym or in-line skate or something. That’s when they realized that exercising and eating right made them feel better and look better. But it’s a slow process. And after breaking up, I think they all reverted to their earlier days.