T Nation

Heaven: How Do You Get There?

I thought I’d take the religious bullshit one step further by posing the qestion… IF there is a heaven, what do you have to do to get in? Is it enough simply not to be evil? Do you have to do good works? Do you actually have to believe in God? Do you have to be an all-out Bible thumper?

Note that the question is now whether you believe in heaven… but rather, IF it exists, how do you get in?

Also, if you don’t go to heaven, do you necessarily go to hell?

Take a left at the bright white light.

If heaven exists, and I for one do not believe in any sort of after life, I’d like to think the requirements would be thus:

Be an all aorund, decent human being. Don’t be evil, and if you commit an evil act, repent for it sincerely. Nothing to do with prayer, though if it helps you be a good person, by all means go ahead. Nothing to do with faith in God, unless that’s what helps you be good.

No matter your religion, sexual orientation, ethincity, ect… If there is a paradise in the afterlife, I hope it’s openned to all decent “souls”.

And I feel very sad that there are so many who’d like it to be (drasticly) otherwise.

Clearly, to get into heaven you have to kiss god’s ass. God not being incarnate for this purpose, the next best thing is to kiss one of his priests on the ass. All organized religions agree on this point.

And if you think the price of admission is onerous, just be glad you’re not a minor anymore.

You just need to respect the 8 “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts” as suggested by His Noodly Magnificence, and you’ll get your Beer Volcano and your Stripper Factory.

It’s all about Jesus gentlemen…

Who are the “Jesus Gentlemen”?

[quote]grew7 wrote:
Who are the “Jesus Gentlemen”?[/quote]

Weren’t they the singing group that was on Howard Stern years ago?

If the Jehovah’s Witnesses are right The Anointed (a grand total of 144,000 of them) will be in heaven to reign with Jehovah God. The rest of the faithful Jehovah’s Witnesses will live forever on a paradise Earth. Those people who are not members of the Watchtower organization will be destroyed by Jehovah God and cease to exist. They also believe that men will have a second chance, after death, to be saved.

Ceasing to exist is what I’ve been expecting and not too bad an option in my book.

Hmmmm - I have no idea, but my guess is don’t act like Heaven is a country club to which you are invited and no one else is.

That, and spiritual humility. I think God really likes the fundament: there is a God, and you aren’t Him.

Hmm, I never thought my first post would be on a thread like this. Oh well.

Depends on your religious views. What do you want to know? I can give you my personal view, along with the Catholic, Methodist, and Calvinistic version. Can’t speak for other religions like Hindu, Buddhism, Islam, Paganism, etc. Which sect of religious bs would you like to know more about?

I see it as this. Getting to heaven is not your goal. You should have your heart set on God. When you die your with him that should be your goal. I rarely worry about heaven or hell. I just keep my focus on Him.

There are companies that, for about $4800, will take your cremated remains and launch them into space. This seems to be the surest way of “going to heaven” after you die.

[quote]Loose Tool wrote:
If the Jehovah’s Witnesses are right The Anointed (a grand total of 144,000 of them)[/quote]

You’d think that at some point, one of them would do the math and tell the others to stop going door to door to recruit.

There are about 6.6 millions of them already. If you think the PS3 launch was unruly, just wait to see them going after 144,000 available spots.

[quote]pookie wrote:
Loose Tool wrote:
If the Jehovah’s Witnesses are right The Anointed (a grand total of 144,000 of them)

You’d think that at some point, one of them would do the math and tell the others to stop going door to door to recruit.

There are about 6.6 millions of them already. If you think the PS3 launch was unruly, just wait to see them going after 144,000 available spots.

[/quote]

Haha! I can just imagine a Jehova’s witness pacing in front of the pearly gates…

“Come on… come on… I know! Maybe if I freeze myself in holy water…”

I actually have a friend who is a Jehova’s Witness and that isn’t quite what they believe. The way he explains it is that there are already 144,000 chosen to have the highest positions in heaven. They’d be like lords to God being the king. Everyone else gets to be in heaven too, but they don’t get to live as high as the choosen few.

To the O.P. you must believe in God in order to get into Heaven first and foremost.

[quote]mj_gk wrote:
I actually have a friend who is a Jehova’s Witness and that isn’t quite what they believe. The way he explains it is that there are already 144,000 chosen to have the highest positions in heaven. They’d be like lords to God being the king. Everyone else gets to be in heaven too, but they don’t get to live as high as the choosen few.

To the O.P. you must believe in God in order to get into Heaven first and foremost. [/quote]

I think this is an evolving doctrine. I found one explanation:

“God chooses these 144,000 individuals, the process began with the first century Christians and was completed in the year 1935. Of course from 1879 (the year the Watchtower started) till 1935 only faithful Jehovah?s Witnesses were chosen for this special role. All faithful Jehovah?s Witnesses not chosen to be among the 144,000 elite that go to heaven (those joining the Watchtower after 1935) will spend eternity on earth. All other people on the earth will be destroyed at war of Armageddon here on earth. This would also include any Jehovah’s Witnesses who has been disfellowshipped or is otherwise unfaithful to the Watchtower and has not worked his or her way back into the good graces of the Watchtower by the time of Armageddon.”

[quote]mj_gk wrote:
To the O.P. you must believe in God in order to get into Heaven first and foremost. [/quote]

Most people who don’t believe in God also don’t expect an afterlife. Kinda makes the whole point moot.

[quote]pookie wrote:
mj_gk wrote:
To the O.P. you must believe in God in order to get into Heaven first and foremost.

Most people who don’t believe in God also don’t expect an afterlife. Kinda makes the whole point moot.
[/quote]
And even if their IS an afterlife, kind, courteous, “good” people who happen to not believe in God should go there.

Of course this is all opinionated and hypothetical, so we shouldn’t be answering “how”, but “how do YOU think it SHOULD be?”.

Eat broccoli, use dental floss and apply suncream