You should call up someone you don't like and be like, "Hey _____, how you doin'? What'd you do today?"
As they start to speak, interrupt them and say, "Listen, man, I just called to tell you something....A FUCKING HAWK JUST FLEW IN MY FUCKING HOUSE, MAN! A MOTHERFUCKING MAJESTIC KING OF THE BIRDS WAS IN MY FUCKING KITCHEN! HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW, BITCH?!!"
Then hang up.