T Nation

Have You Ever Beta Orbited a Girl


Don’t leave us hanging!


I like beta orbiters. Don’t know why people hate on them. We always included one in our group so we could go off and do guy stuff while we left our girlfriends with him and he would entertain them in exchange for female attention. You feel secure that nothing’s going to happen between them and you don’t feel guilty about it because you know he’ll fuck your girlfriend without a moment’s hesitation if ever given the chance even though he calls you his friend.

IMO they are a crucial part of society.


What’s the actual meaning of this term lol? I searched and found different definitions on Urban Dictionary.


I used to do a few girls with beta orbiters but got tired of the weirdness of it. How are you supposed to go all howler monkey with Joel sitting in the next room being all thoughtful and distantly supportive? It’s just fucking weird!

One woman that tried to lure me in as an orbiter kind of pissed me off with the play so I banged all of her female friends and made sure that they all spoke very well of me to her.


Damn bro you mean you were friends with a girl and she didn’t want to have sex with you? That’s fucked up man. How are you ever gonna come back from this? I’m here for you, you poor douchebag.


When I met my then to be wife, about 30% of her friends were male. I would say this continued until we got hitched and it dropped to 20%, a bunch of them seemingly uninterested in her friendship.

After our first child, I hardly ever saw most of these male friends, I mean surely you visit your friend when they have a kid and since our second child, she basically has zero male friends that aren’t tied to a female friend.

Perhaps being married and having kids doesn’t gel well with males but whatever it is, it is certainly more trying on me haha


Yeah, marriage filters out the orbiters who were hoping to get into her pants. They’re usually spineless little weasels anyway. Not worth associating with unless you specifically need them for something.

But when you’re younger and you have a clingy girlfriend, beta orbiters are essential. They do the shit you don’t want to do like follow her to the salon and wait for her to get her hair done, eat fucking rabbit food with her at sushi restaurants, entertain her so she can kill time waiting for you when you’re in the gym, discuss the ever-so-complicated relationships in Ally McBeal and The Gilmore Girls, listen to her whine about you being a racist, misogynist, bigot, fascist puppy killer so she lets off steam and doesn’t start arguments with you…


HAHAHA that’s a special kind of payback
Never had that happen to me, but once had a girl try to hold my hand and do boyfriend stuff with her while her orbiter was trying to get close to her on the other side. Very weird for me, but did not feel bad at all fucking her a few days later.


Poetic justice of sorts. She was already pretty well known for doing stuff like that and liked tooling her boyfriend by keeping other guys around.

There’s a woman from high school that has developed late onset hotness on my fb. She just loves the adoration of orbiters. She’s like professional level. Bartender at a couple of high end places and rounds them up to come watch her bartend and buy drinks. I’d think it was sad and icky if she wasn’t killing it at these things.


This is also a role often filled by ‘the gay best friend’


For me, sexual orientation is not the issue, since one of the reasons jock sniffers hang around is hoping for leftovers or rejects from the actual jock. (think entourage)

Being a doofus/loser is. A doofus/loser hangs out with “star athlete”, hoping that some of the magic stardust rubs off. Total lack of self esteem is the core issue. Which is why I equate “jock sniffer” to the “beta orbiter”.


It IS fucked up, as a male specimen myself I expect that every women I commute with wants to have sexual intercourse with me, otherwise they wouldn’t be talking to me

Social interaction with the opposite sex --------> sexytime (hence how dating leads to sex)

Girl says “hi Unreal242478” ----------> sexual intercourse is expected within the next fifteen minutes.

(should clarify I’m not being serious)


I am so, so confused by this statement.


Or by girl friends.

One girl I was with a couple of years ago had a couple of those “beta orbiters.” When she hanged out with them I would go like, “oh you’re going out with your girl friends today?”

Ah man, that used to be hilarious




Can girls be beta orbiters too? Pretty sure i’ve Had a few in my time


I had a gander over at one of those incel forums not so long ago. Oh my. Uncomfortable stuff. Turns out I’m a “Chad” which I didn’t know up until now.


Sure, it’s just that it’s more of a male typical behavior.

Girls don’t need to orbit usually, because more likely than not they’ll have lots of guys throwing themselves at them, so they don’t need to spend time and energy chasing guys. And if a girl is interested in a guy and she’s good looking, she usually doesn’t need to do any orbiting, just giving a clear sign of interest will do.

At least that’s how I see it. (But I’ve had a couple of orbiters myself as well, so that’s definitely a thing.)


Yeah I used to read that stuff when I was like 14, and in retrospect that’s pretty fucked up.

Nevertheless sometimes those people describe mechanics that do actually take place in some form. We aren’t going to argue about the fact that it’s much, much easier for girls to get guys than the other way around, are we?


Lmao I had to google it too!