T Nation

Have You Ever Beta Orbited a Girl


#241

And also work to make yourself someone who is kept on when there are layoffs. This means focusing more on your work than on your social life. Since she apparently did you a favor back in August and has seniority over you, I would think that none of these:

…are appropriate. If you take the bitterness and nastiness out of numbers 2 and 3 you might have a decent plan: deal with her in a professional manner, treating her with friendly courtesy, as you do every other coworker. It is up to YOU to regulate your emotions. It is up to YOU to avoid silly drama games, and if you can’t handle social media or non-work-related group communication, it is up to YOU to remove yourself without making a public fuss.

These are ultimately your issues, and they are about your boundaries, not about her behavior or your romantic feelings. Professionals don’t make announcements to others about the interpersonal conditions under which they can maintain emotional stability; they create these conditions for themselves internally. An exception would be clear abuse of power, e.g. sexual harassment, but that’s not at play here from the sounds of it.

Professional. Courteous. Hard-working. Friendly without seeking to become friends. A go-getter. These are the qualities that make you a good guy to have on the team. Ultimatums, flounces, angry body language, and gossip are going to maintain you forever in a place of professional irrelevance, because they smack of immaturity. Your three options suggest you are still very much emotionally invested in this situation. Stop it.


#242

Hey guys… since this is the best jobs environment in decades, perhaps it’d be wise if he went to work for a company that didn’t just have layoffs and close locations. Regardless of the in he may or may not have with lady coworker.

Fresh start and a chance to do things right with no baggage wouldn’t hurt either.


#243

This is something, if this is a legitimate request for advice, he’ll have a lot of problems with and it’s not something one can work on over a couple weeks and conquer. Learning to regulate emotions takes a lot of time, effort, reflection, and regression…I don’t get the impression from this guy he’s all that patient or mature to even START to learn to regulate his emotions…

All in all though, I absolutely agree with every bit of advice you doled out here.


#244

As an adult he has to take responsibility for who he wants to become. But the more I meet broken people like this, the more I wonder what kind of examples they had growing up to model behaviour after.


#245

OP, how old are you?


#246

I agree. However, the idiom “you can lead a horse to water” comes to mind…

This is one of the main reasons I strive to strengthen and exhibit moral virtues as opposed to just simply preaching them - I want to be a strong model for my son and other people who come around us.

Also: we don’t speak the Queen’s English in this country, son. It’s “behavior” … there is no “u” in it…tighten up your language son :wink:


#247

Yes dad. I struggle a lot, but I do pretty well for a dyslexic accountant. You’ll notice most of my posts have 5+ edits lol.


#248

“Broken people like this?” I’m not arguing, just wondering which parts of my post give it away.


#249

I want you to take what I’m about to say in the spirit with which I offer it. I will try and make my feedback as constructive as possible. Also know that I was a petulant, angry, violent and self absorbed teenager from 13-15. So these comments are coming from direct experience.

The way you talk about relating to other people, especially women… reveals a level of narcissism, lack of self awareness and emotional maturity that will ruin all of your relationships for the rest of your life be they work/friends/SO’s etc…

If you approach every interaction with other humans wondering what you can get out of them, most adults will sense your usury 50 miles away and shun you.

You are not special or unique. There are lots of selfish and difficult people on earth. The question is are you willing to work on yourself and get better.

I’d start with reading How to Win Friends and Influence People… and see a therapist as a bare minimum. Learn how to accept feedback graciously and ask the 10 closest people in your life to list 10 things they don’t like about you. That’s a good start.


#250

This made me think of this thread


#251

Poor beta. He beat himself out of the spot before he even asked.


#252

How is this thread still a thing? Never orbit anyone, lol, nothing wrong with havi’n some gravitational pull tho.


#253

Is that a fat joke? Because if so, I’ve got gravitational pull for daaaaaaays. #thicc


#254

I can feel it from here!


#255

Nah, I don’t make fat jokes, nothin wrong with being stout and strong as hell either.


#256

BUMP

I want beta orbiters. for myself.


#257

I thought that Hirohito guy was one of yours…


#258

He’s a beta CUCK. Someone’s not up on their incel terminology.


#259

You don’t have to be such a Chad, Steve.


#260

Touche’! So you have peered down that nasty little rabbit hole, eh? There’s some seriously creepy stuff in there…