T Nation

Has Anyone Else Ever Dealt With This Before?


So I'll start off by saying I'm 19 and I switch between living at college for 8 months of the year and at home with my parents during the summer. I started seriously training less than a year ago and have made some decent progress.

Anyways I hadn't been home in a while and I roll in the door a good 20 pounds heavier than last time my parents had seen me. At this point my mother staged an on the spot intervention claiming that I have turned myself into a freak and that I look like shit cause I've been training hard and doing nothing but eat (to which I couldn't help but laugh because I'm 185 lbs and 6'0). When I explained to her that I'm actually on the smaller end of the scale compared to people I workout with her response was "well then your gym friends are freaks of nature". When I said that I was planning on continuing to gain weight over the summer she decided that I had a mental disorder and needed to see a psychiatrist and that this whole trying to change how I look thing is nothing more than pure narcism.

The next few days things got worse when she witnessed the insane/idiotic diet consisting of steak, eggs, chicken and oatmeal (albeit a shit load of it.. and the occasional pop tart for good measure (I'm a skinny bastard)). So now she's called my doctor to set up an appointment (that I have to go to or I'm cut off) so he can smack some sense into me.

My question to anyone reading is, have you ever dealt with some one like this? How exactly do you do it? I tried blabbering on about how I still eat relatively healthy clean foods and explaining that you need to create a calorie surplus to put on muscle. I think she can't wrap her head around that some one would want to change how they look/ get bigger.


3 easy steps

1) Get a Job
2) Move out of mom's house
3) Suddenly enjoy life much more, maybe even get laid once in awhile


Ive done 1 and 3, unfortunately until I graduate college I'm stuck with living at home.


There is no point in wasting money on a place for 4 months a year. 99% of the time anyone who criticizes you changed is from them being scared, insecure, or weak. Deal with it for the time you have to and head back to school. Something you'll realize pretty soon even at school, is that every time you try to better yourself in any way, someone will always try to hold you back, in this case it is your mother.

edit: However what school do you go to that there is no summer semester?


I was in college for 6 years (lol) and didn't live at home at all...

Come on, don't you have like 3 or 4 buddies at school to split a shitty rundown apartment with?

I lived across the street from "tha hookup" and the next street over had 2 boarded up crack houses, and one launching pad. I saw someone get shot trying to rob a store 24 and generally had a great fucking time.

Our garbage man lived down the street from us, so I started leaving him cases of beer, because we threw out a ton of shit you weren't supposed to, and he took it all.

I miss college.


That is why you live near school 12 months a year...

College was so much more fun during the summer.


Your preaching to choir on living at school 12 months of the year, I have an awesome job lined up during the summer where my parents live that I can't really say no to, both career wise and money wise. It especially sucks because I'm stuck paying for the 4 months Im not using the place in the summer cause of the lease we signed.

Tyrant: I go to school up in Canada where college ends in April and there's no classes until September.

Damn, I was hoping some one had one sentence I could blurt out next time that would make her realize that lifting weights isn't a mental problem, lol


I don't know if this is real or not, but either way I'll share my perspective because I have no life really right now. First of all, yes I have dealt with this subject matter before. You may not know this, but when I was in highschool,I never felt comfortable eating around my parents because I was losing weight at the time and I always recieved comments about my eating patterns and what I was eating. (I hate eating around people at all to be honest, but I do just because it's so customary.) But enough about me.

The point I was building up to was that you need to find out where your parents' heart lie in the situation. Are you recieving snide remarks about your weight and what you eat? Or is it out of general concern for your health? How was your relationship with both parents before you gained the weight? These are the questions you need to be asking yourself. Then you can wisely react to them. What has worked for me in the past is honesty. Just tell them how you are feeling,and don't bottle your emotions in. And don't call it an idiotic diet man, because that's basically all I eat so now you're throwing me under the bus and that's not necessary man I'm just trying to help you


Yea, dude, get the fuck out of your mom's house. It really is the best decision I ever made.

if she still tries to control your looks and diet then she sees you as a boy..show her what's up and play it by your rules at your own spot.

beans has it rigght, you have NO IDEA of what college fun is until you have your own little spot that runs on your rules and not campus housing bs or naggy mom rambling.

honestly, I respect my mom like everyone else here but evenually you gotta say "fuck you, old bitch" (not literally but ya jkno)


Thanks man! By the way I assure my mother is very real.
Idiotic wasn't my term, I would never eat what I thought was an idiotic diet, thats what I've been told by the parents basically every time I try and pick up a fork.

The concern according to her is just about my health in general and that lifting weights means I'm obsessed with myself and my appearance and I'm therefore a narcissist. The health thing is easy to tackle, you can try to explain that training hard and eating a diet consisting of mostly meat and vegetables is not going to kill me, but the nutritionist that comes on Oprah once a month says otherwise. The obsession with appearance I just try to explain that I'm not going to settle for being unhappy with my appearance just because it takes time and dedication to get to where I want to be. And also that believe it or not it actually enjoy hitting the the gym 4-5 times a week now regardless of how it makes me look.

Like Tyrant says I think my approach is just to try and just live with the criticism for the next four months.


This is what you do. Buy a copy of MD. Show her pics of Kai Greene and Cutler. Say that this is NOT what you want to look like (even if you do, lie in this case). Show her that there are "far worse" alternatives to your lifestyle.

Then you should attempt to educate her on why you are eating certain foods instead of others. It helps if you can do this without stuttering. If that fails than you may have to resort to "I'm an adult and your son and it is insulting to hear you say that I would be stupid enough to intentionally harm myself". There's also "I try not to judge your personal preferences so I'd appreciate if you respected mine."


How are they going to "cut you off?"

What does your dad say? Mine was always good for shutting my mom's ass up when she got stupid like this.


Wtf, you're 6' 180. Has your mom ever watched a football game before?


This. If this doesn't work, then rationale is not present in her.


Bonez: I like it. I'll save those for steak number two of the day tomorrow.

Steel Nation: As much as they can be a royal pain in the ass when it comes to topics like this, my parents are good enough to pay my tuition and housing costs and school as well as my food and all that when I'm living with them in the summer. Which I'm obviously grateful for so putting up with this stuff isn't so bad all things considered. So cut off would be something involving them not paying for one of those things.. not that I think they'd actually take it that far, its likely just something they can throw out so that I'll "stop the madness"

As for my dad he is whipped unfortunately, so he just nods along and says your mothers right during these talks.

jtrinsey: dude I know lol. I think what adds fuel to the fire is that I can't stop laughing when I hear things like "185 is just not natural on your frame" during her lectures.


Put it in her butt while hitting her and yelling TUBE STEAK BOOGIE at the top of your lungs.

If that doesn't shut her up then just quit lifting and go on a strict diet of marshmallows and chocolate syrup.


Your mom needs to realize how much worse it could be.

You could have a kid she would be helping support... or you could be on drugs, stealing things, etc.

Instead, you're eating healthy, exercising, and trying to be size XL.

Remind her of that.


My parents were generally supportive of my health when they were paying for my food.

Whenever I did have difficulties, I would make up psuedo-science. Like that steak contains anti-oxidants. Or that the protein in eggs helps strengthen the lining of the urethra and prevents prostate cancer. Its not like your parents do pub-med searches; they read Reader's Digest. And if you haven't learned it by now, it's usually okay to lie to your parents when they're wrong.


Tell her that a complete man is strong in MIND and BODY. You just want to be the best well rounded person you can be.

If that doesn't work just point to how many others were saved from near fatal accidents by their muscle mass.


Where the fuck do these parents exist who freak out at their kid getting into better shape?

Seriously - how many threads do we have where some kids parents won't "allow" him to eat, or flip the fuck out at a measly 20 pound weight gain?

Holy fuck, no wonder we're raising a generation of whiny, self-important douchebags - they have pussified twits for role models.

When I was a kid my dad took me into the garage and showed me how to do the basic lifts, and gave me my first little bench, my grandad used to come see me wrestle in high school and was always happy when I would win because I got stronger through training....I just don't get it.