The weaponizing of sexual misconduct allegations is a legit fear for a lot of men. It just takes one, it doesn’t even have to true, hell it doesn’t even have to be plausible. Once accused, it sticks and even if acquitted, there is that group that will always think you are guilty. Once accused, it never goes away. I do not think this is an illegitimate fear.
Once, I was scooting past some people, who kindly stood up to let us through, to get to our seats. Apparently, my hand grazed this young girl’s hoohaa as I passed. I had no idea, I was just trying not to fall while scooting past them. My wife, hysterically laughing, told me afterwards that I did that. I mean total accident, completely non-intentional contact in close quarters where my focus was completely elsewhere.
If that girl, who may not have realized it either, realized it and was a bitch, she could have totally turned it into a perv move and ruin my life. I mean, I did apparently touch that area of her body, that’s a fact. I had no intention, desire or even the slightest thought of actually ‘grabbing her by the pussy’. I didn’t even know I did it. If my wife didn’t tell me, I still wouldn’t know I did it. And that’s all it takes, one accident on the wrong person and BOOM! Life is over…
Those types of things are easy to avoid. Read up on histrionic personality disorder or histrionic personalities.
They’re super easy to spot. In fact, they make it a point to be noticed. So when you see the overdone attention whore that doesn’t mind making a big showy spectacle of herself- go the other way. They’re the most volatile and likely to use sex as a weapon and create problems in the workplace.
I agree 100% with you Pat…(as well as the sexual abuse of Children. I see it almost daily in Child Custody Battles).
Here is the big, BIG problem we have as a society, though…(and I’m sure you would agree):
Weeding out the “wheat from the chaff…”
In other words; rape, sexual abuse and misconduct…both of adults and children…is a very REAL and very PERVASIVE problem WORLDWIDE…that gets “cheapened”, if you may, by the spurious and false accusations that get mixed in with the real.
I personally feel that those who perpetrate false accusations and claims for some type of gain should be prosecuted and punished harshly.
They cheapen and lessen very real problems…and often destroy people in the process…
The obvious counter to that would be if the actual victims feel their lives may be completely destroyed by not having enough proof they’re much less likely to come forward.
How does one “prove” or “disprove” an act that goes short of rape though? If there’s no witnesses and no physical evidence it literally becomes he said-she said. How do you convict or exonerate “beyond a shadow of a doubt?”
I don’t think that you can…nor do I think you can raise these issues to that level. (Nor should we want to. If so…(mostly) women and children wouldn’t stand a chance.
It’s tough…because some will be falsely accused, no doubt. However; I am willing to wager that this is the exception, not the rule.
(Am I reading your question correctly, Gainz?)
Yeah just game planning for teaching my boys to avoid this nonsense. At this point it’s like a rediculous escalation ladder:
- Never be alone, with anyone one on one (teachers, coaches, girls).
- Don’t sleep with random girls. It would be wise to marry them first (like that’ll happen).
- If you do hook up with girls have them sign and date a release and get a video release describing where you two are, the consent and what’s about to happen. If nothing else that should kill the mood lmao.
You basically can’t short of video/audio evidence. That’s why the notion of putting more extreme punishes on people who are thought to be lying about their experience to slow down the fake people seems counter intuitive.
I can hear the panties dropping already…
That’s by design:
“Dad I can’t get laid.”
“You look like me boy, sorry bout your luck. Try growing up, making some money and treating a lady right.”
Well, that is one kind of person to avoid, it’s still remains the fact that the mere accusation is enough to ruin one’s life.
It damages not only the accused but the legitimate cases.
It’s pretty scary to be a man right now. You cannot be careful enough.
Yeah, you may want to keep that to yourself.
The issue is that assholes and sociopaths come in all races, genders, religious backgrounds, etc., which is why I’ve always chucked when I’ve heard things like:
“But, they’re members of my church/Good Christians.”
“Women don’t lie about sexual harassment/assault.”
“Boys will be boys.”
“He’s one of us.”
There are no safe harbors in life, and we all have our faults, but the old rules about keeping your hands to yourself, not gossiping, sleeping around, etc. come in handy when the shit hits the fan and people know how you behave. Which brings me to the one rule absolutely won’t break: “don’t shit where you eat.” In other words, I couldn’t care less if my company is full of people sleeping with each other (every one I’ve been at has had that), I don’t go there.
This is terrifying, and true. Had an issue at work a few months ago, a gal that had about 2 months of working here longer than I was not getting paid as much (side by side my resume absolutely dwarfed hers, so the pay was completely justified) but she cited sexism (the entire administration here is female) and I was accused by her of “sexual intimidation” (which was absolute bullshit, as I saved every bit of correspondence because I got the impression that she was a “blamer” when it came to responsibilities and such) but still, even knowing with absolute certainty that I was in the clear, I still had that tight chested feeling, because when it comes to “he said, she said” it’s tough, and that stuff sticks with you. I won’t even be in the same aisle in the grocery store with her at this point (live in a very small town) as it makes me uncomfortable.
Well they got a NYT/Politico reporter for pressuring young professionals into sex. Guess Pence was right about not having boozy dinners with colleagues.
You know what all of these guys have in common?
They don’t look like this-
My wife has been into this show lately (she has a thing for highlanders).
There has been a lot of talk about power dynamics and all of that, but the one main power dynamic that hasn’t been spoken of is attractiveness. I’m not saying that good looking guys (fit, attractive, what ever) can’t get caught up in this stuff, but I’d bet that it isn’t nearly as likely.
It sounds dickish, but if Harvey Weinstein looked like Brad Pit or this Heughan guy, he’d have needed to ride around in the popemobile to keep from getting bombarded with top shelf, rock star level ass.
Sometimes I think thats the main difference between rakish and rapist.
I will prolly get flamed for this but fuck it… I give most this sex harassment stuff a big meh…
Grabbing ass & tits although in bad taste is not a capital crime…Its something that gets you a pay cut at work or some kind of reprimand. If we start firing all actors, politicians, singers, athletes for ALL SM then guess what you won’t have shit left… Sorry ladies shit happens and unless its a rape or something bad then an apology is about all you can expect. If every time a chic got an ass touch ever that means we gotta ban (insert famous guy here) from whatever made them famous well fuck that… Apologize pay a fine and move on. But not all SH is the same… Franken touched a tit, Louie CK jerked off in a plant… Moore touched kids, and so did Spacey…Not the same one is worse than other. This is kinda going full retard if you ask me… So every time a famous dude slapped an ass Im supposed to freak out?? No gracias
Lets put this in regular dude perspective. I grab a chics ass at a nightclub while hammered. I get tossed out of nightclub not put in Prison for 10yrs. Now we are tossing all ass grabbers in Prison for stuff thats yrs old…its fuckin dumb
The news media just needs constant scandal and uproar to get clicks and views. Don’t confuse any of this with genuine concern for women. Most of these allegations won’t result in convictions.
They need dirty laundry.
Well wouldn’t attractiveness on the dude’s part move the contact from “unwanted” to “wanted”?
Who’s gone to prison for an ass grab?