T Nation

Happy Canada Day!

Happy Canada Day T-Nation. I hope this gets you laughing (hockey fans especially)

Two guys from Toronto die and wake up in hell.

The next day the devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and toques warming themselves around the fire. The devil asks them, “What are you doing? Isn’t it hot enough for you?”

The two guys reply, “Well, you know, we’re from Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We’re just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, eh.”

The devil decides that these two aren’t miserable enough and turns up the heat.

The next morning he stops in again and there they are, still dressed in parkas, toques and mittens. The devil asks them again, “It’s awfully hot down here, can’t you guys feel it?”

Again the two guys reply, “Well, like we told ya yesterday, we’re from Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We’re just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, eh.”

This gets the devil a little steamed up and he decides to fix these two guys. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are wailing and screaming everywhere. He stops by the room with the two guys from Canada and finds them in light jackets and bucket hats, grilling sausage.

The devil is astonished, “Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves.”

The two Canadians reply, “Well, ya know, we don’t get too much warm weather up there in Toronto so we’ve just got to have a cook-out when the weather’s this nice.”

The devil is absolutely furious, he can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off in hell.

The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere; people are shivering so bad that they are unable to do anything but wail, moan and gnash their teeth.

The devil smiles and heads for the room with the two Canadians.

He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, toques, and mittens. NOW they are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men!!!

The devil is dumbfounded, “I don’t understand, when I turn up the heat you’re happy. Now it’s freezing cold and you’re still happy. What is wrong with you two???”

The Torontonians look at the devil in surprise, “Well, don’t you know? If Hell freezes over, it must mean the Leafs have won the Stanley Cup.”

PC

Heres another one…

Signs You May Be A Canadian:

  1. You stand in “line-ups” at the movie, not lines.
  2. You’re not offended by the term, “Homo Milk”
  3. You understand the phrase, “Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine”
  4. You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
  5. You drink pop, not soda.
  6. You know what it means to be on pogey.
  7. You know that a mickey and 2-4’s mean “Party at the camp, eh!!”
  8. You don’t hold your hand on your breast when you sing the national anthem.
  9. You can drink legally while still a 'teen.
  10. You know that francophones, anglophones and allophones are not electronic devices.
  11. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
  12. You don’t know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it’s just a cheap place to travel to and has good cigars.
  13. When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.
  14. You’re not sure if the leader of our nation has EVER had sex and don’t want to know if he has!
  15. You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
  16. Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
  17. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
  18. You sit on a couch not a chesterfield - that is some small town in Quebec!
  19. You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
  20. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
  21. You know that Thrills are something to chew and “taste like soap”.
  22. You know that Mounties “don’t always look like that”
  23. You read rather than scanned this list.

PC

(crickets)

Nice Chaos96

You know your from Newfoundland when…

  1. You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.
  2. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
  3. The mosquitoes have landing lights.
  4. You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
  5. You have 10 favourite recipes for bottled moose.
  6. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
  7. You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
  8. You’ve taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
  9. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
  10. You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
  11. You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
  12. The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for local softball scores.
  13. At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
  14. The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
  15. Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
  16. You think the start of salmon fishing season is a national holiday.
  • You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won’t prowl on your deck.
  1. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
  2. You find -40C a little nippy.
  3. The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.
  4. You can play road hockey on skates.
  5. You know 4 seasons - Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
  6. The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.

Happy Canada Day!

[quote]ProfessorCHAOS96 wrote:
Happy Canada Day T-Nation. I hope this gets you laughing (hockey fans especially)

Two guys from Toronto die and wake up in hell.

The next day the devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and toques warming themselves around the fire. The devil asks them, “What are you doing? Isn’t it hot enough for you?”

The two guys reply, “Well, you know, we’re from Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We’re just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, eh.”

The devil decides that these two aren’t miserable enough and turns up the heat.

The next morning he stops in again and there they are, still dressed in parkas, toques and mittens. The devil asks them again, “It’s awfully hot down here, can’t you guys feel it?”

Again the two guys reply, “Well, like we told ya yesterday, we’re from Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We’re just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, eh.”

This gets the devil a little steamed up and he decides to fix these two guys. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are wailing and screaming everywhere. He stops by the room with the two guys from Canada and finds them in light jackets and bucket hats, grilling sausage.

The devil is astonished, “Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves.”

The two Canadians reply, “Well, ya know, we don’t get too much warm weather up there in Toronto so we’ve just got to have a cook-out when the weather’s this nice.”

The devil is absolutely furious, he can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off in hell.

The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere; people are shivering so bad that they are unable to do anything but wail, moan and gnash their teeth.

The devil smiles and heads for the room with the two Canadians.

He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, toques, and mittens. NOW they are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men!!!

The devil is dumbfounded, “I don’t understand, when I turn up the heat you’re happy. Now it’s freezing cold and you’re still happy. What is wrong with you two???”

The Torontonians look at the devil in surprise, “Well, don’t you know? If Hell freezes over, it must mean the Leafs have won the Stanley Cup.”

PC[/quote]

After the third paragraph I could see where this joke was going. :stuck_out_tongue: Sure enough, I jump to the last line and I was correct.

[quote]dianab wrote:
Nice Chaos96

You know your from Newfoundland when…

  1. You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.
  2. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
  3. The mosquitoes have landing lights.
  4. You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
  5. You have 10 favourite recipes for bottled moose.
  6. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
  7. You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
  8. You’ve taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
  9. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
  10. You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
  11. You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
  12. The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for local softball scores.
  13. At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
  14. The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
  15. Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
  16. You think the start of salmon fishing season is a national holiday.
  • You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won’t prowl on your deck.
  1. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
  2. You find -40C a little nippy.
  3. The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.
  4. You can play road hockey on skates.
  5. You know 4 seasons - Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
  6. The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.

Happy Canada Day!
[/quote]

Nice one, I like it hahaha

Happy Canada Day Everyone, Eh.

Happy Canada Day!!!

[quote]ProfessorCHAOS96 wrote:
dianab wrote:
Nice Chaos96

You know your from Newfoundland when…

  1. You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.
  2. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
  3. The mosquitoes have landing lights.
  4. You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
  5. You have 10 favourite recipes for bottled moose.
  6. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
  7. You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
  8. You’ve taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
  9. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
  10. You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
  11. You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
  12. The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for local softball scores.
  13. At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
  14. The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
  15. Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
  16. You think the start of salmon fishing season is a national holiday.
  • You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won’t prowl on your deck.
  1. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
  2. You find -40C a little nippy.
  3. The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.
  4. You can play road hockey on skates.
  5. You know 4 seasons - Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
  6. The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.

Happy Canada Day!

Nice one, I like it hahaha[/quote]

I forgot to add the last one:
23. You understand this list and e-mail to all your friends.

Have a good one and drink a beer for me at the fireworks, I’m low carbing right now.
dianab

Eh?
What’s goin on here eh?

[quote]Rattler wrote:
Eh?
What’s goin on here eh?[/quote]

Canada day mate. It’s why you’re not in work today!

You haven’t gone in have you?

Happy Canada Day!


Happy Canada Day!

Damn. I have a REALLY bad sense of direction.

Happy Canada Day everyone!

Happy Canada D’eh.


Happy Day After Canada Day.

If you’re nursing a hang over today you’re either an alcoholic or Canadian or both.

A Canadian, an American and a German all meet to piss in a bathroom. Once the German is done peeing, he washes his hand very thoroughly, lathering them up with soap scrubbing the best he can, then says ‘I am German, we’re very clean and maticulous people’.

Once the American finishes, he rinses his right hand only, shakes the water off and dryies it with 1/2 of paper towel, then says ‘I am American, we’re very effective and efficient people’.

When the Canadian is done he exits the bathroom saying ‘I am Canadian, we’re smart and laid back people who know not to pee on our hands’.

I am Canadian, peace.

Well hopefully all of you Canucks enjoyed yourself…

Lest you forget, EVERY day is America Day:

[quote]Polish Rifle wrote:
Well hopefully all of you Canucks enjoyed yourself…

Lest you forget, EVERY day is America Day:

[/quote]

Yeah, but at least it doesn’t take 4 of us to put a flag up!

…And they can’t even get it straight!

[quote]Ruggerlife wrote:

Yeah, but at least it doesn’t take 4 of us to put a flag up!

…And they can’t even get it straight![/quote]

Something tells me your flag was manufactured in America.

You must be a proud Socialist…