Thank you. I'm not planning on ever doing another cycle again. I'm not even a bodybuilder, I was just sick and tired of big burly dudes getting to pick me up and pin me against a wall and tell me what a piece of sh** I am, because it's been going on my entire life.
I'm autistic, which basically means I have very poor hand eye coordination, which makes practicing martial arts pretty much impossible. I've been to psychiatric hospitals multiple times (for threatening to shoot **** up, usually after losing a fight that the other guy started), so concealed carry is illegal for me.
I couldn't find a single martial arts instructor who had the patience to instruct me. They all think that I'm "not trying" and that I'm not taking them seriously. I am though. It's just that I'm autistic, so it takes longer for me to learn.
I'm 27 years old. How am I supposed to have a wife or kids one day and protect them, if I can't even protect myself? I live in a pretty crappy neighborhood, so "not getting into fights" isn't an option. If you step outside every day for a year, someone WILL fight you eventually.
I don't know where to go for help on this matter. Please realize it's really embarrassing having to reveal my personal problem here to a stranger, but I don't know where else to go. I've even felt suicidal and homicidal over this problem. I go to a psychiatrist and a therapist and take medication, but that still doesn't solve the problem.