Gym Embarrassments

Off Topic
21

[quote]gregron wrote:

[quote]Brother Chris wrote:

[quote]DBCooper wrote:

[quote]Ct. Rockula wrote:

[quote]DBCooper wrote:

[quote]Brother Chris wrote:

[quote]DBCooper wrote:

[quote]gregron wrote:

[quote]DBCooper wrote:
You think that’s embarrassing? Try doing front squats in your garage completely fucking naked when you thought your roommates were out of town, only to realize that one of them had come back a day early and is standing in the doorway watching you struggle through a heavy triple with your fucking cock swinging around. Also, try doing box squats naked, only to realize that box squats when you’re naked is asking for a smashed nutsack at the bottom of every rep.[/quote]

you think thats embarrassing? Try getting food poisoning and throwing up in the kitchen sink while simultaneously pooping your pants.

EDIT: and by poop i mean diarrhea [/quote]

Oh yeah?!?!?! You think THAT’S embarrassing? Try having sex with some random chick only to realize that you had picked at an ingrown hair on your chest earlier in the day to the point where it looks like you’ve got a fucking bullet wound just left of your sternum when you take your shirt off and she goes “eww, it looks like you have a fucking bullet wound just left of your sternum!”[/quote]

OH, yeah? You think THAT’S embarrassing? Try having sex with some random chick only to realize that you have had food poisoning since earlier that day to the point you now poop yourself at random intervals. So, when you go back to thrust you simultaneously poop yourself (and by poop i mean diarrhea) and throw up on her tits. But, you’re so embarrassed you just keep going.[/quote]

Oh yeah?!?!?!? You think THAT’S embarrassing? Trying being a fucking Catholic! OHH![/quote]

OOOOOH

THATS IT

THATS ALL FOLKS

TEAM RAPE AXE WINS[/quote]

YEAH!!! RAPE AXE IN THE FUCKING ASS FOR THE WIN!!! YEAH!!!

Is this a bad time to mention that I’m a baptized and confirmed Roman Catholic?[/quote]

No, it’s like being black. Only black people can say the N word, and only Roman Catholics can crack on Roman Catholics, otherwise you get your throat fucking slit.[/quote]

are catholics even allowed to say fuck?[/quote]

I wish I had a video of one of my confessions to be honest, nothing that I really did.

A brother monk down at Saint Mary’s Basilica in Phoenix, he stood 5’2" and has hands like small boulders and heavy as bags of mercury (I know he was my boxing coach). The monk was gapped tooth, cross-eyed, Irish immigrant, and U.S. Navy Sailor.

Well, one day I needed to go to confession for the week. St. Mary’s was the closet and the only one doing confession at that time of the day. So, I go in and the confession box was broken while moving a statue into the building earlier that week. So we were doing confession in a hall room, confession was on one side and everyone else sat and waited at another side of the room. It came my turn, and I tried to be quiet as the room was echoing pretty good so the people on the other side could hear.

I tell the brother monk (he’s a father) my sins, and he cuts me off and in a very loud voice, "Well son, sometimes you just gotta fucking hit hard, sack up. Grab your motherfucking balls. Don’t be a damn pussy all the fuckin’ time and just do what you fucking gotta do.

"If you’re having trouble keeping your damn cock in your pants, just tell the bitch to get the fuck out. Ain’t no reason to go to hell, when you can just kick the old broad in the ass and scoot her big fat ass out the damn door.

"And, about that drinking shit, ain’t no reason to be scared of the old fucking bottle of wine. Just wait a damn year until your young dumb ass is old enough to drink. Yeah, its a little fucked up that kids can’t drink no fucking more, when I was your age, just a little fucking shit kicker getting in all kinds of damnation, I could even drink drink out of the old fucking wine bag. Now, can’t even do it in your own damn house, what a fucking shame.

“Well, I absolve you in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Ghost. Go and serve the Lord.”

I couldn’t stop laughing for about fifteen minutes after seeing all those people horrified at what they were about to face.

Another conversation in confession (first time I had confession with him):

He sees that I’m kind of bewildered by him, and trying not to look at him. “Hahah, I’m a crazy motherfucker. I know! Just be glad, I’m a priest! haha!”

22

[quote]DBCooper wrote:

[quote]Brother Chris wrote:

[quote]DBCooper wrote:

[quote]Ct. Rockula wrote:

[quote]DBCooper wrote:

[quote]Brother Chris wrote:

[quote]DBCooper wrote:

[quote]gregron wrote:

[quote]DBCooper wrote:
You think that’s embarrassing? Try doing front squats in your garage completely fucking naked when you thought your roommates were out of town, only to realize that one of them had come back a day early and is standing in the doorway watching you struggle through a heavy triple with your fucking cock swinging around. Also, try doing box squats naked, only to realize that box squats when you’re naked is asking for a smashed nutsack at the bottom of every rep.[/quote]

you think thats embarrassing? Try getting food poisoning and throwing up in the kitchen sink while simultaneously pooping your pants.

EDIT: and by poop i mean diarrhea [/quote]

Oh yeah?!?!?! You think THAT’S embarrassing? Try having sex with some random chick only to realize that you had picked at an ingrown hair on your chest earlier in the day to the point where it looks like you’ve got a fucking bullet wound just left of your sternum when you take your shirt off and she goes “eww, it looks like you have a fucking bullet wound just left of your sternum!”[/quote]

OH, yeah? You think THAT’S embarrassing? Try having sex with some random chick only to realize that you have had food poisoning since earlier that day to the point you now poop yourself at random intervals. So, when you go back to thrust you simultaneously poop yourself (and by poop i mean diarrhea) and throw up on her tits. But, you’re so embarrassed you just keep going.[/quote]

Oh yeah?!?!?!? You think THAT’S embarrassing? Trying being a fucking Catholic! OHH![/quote]

OOOOOH

THATS IT

THATS ALL FOLKS

TEAM RAPE AXE WINS[/quote]

YEAH!!! RAPE AXE IN THE FUCKING ASS FOR THE WIN!!! YEAH!!!

Is this a bad time to mention that I’m a baptized and confirmed Roman Catholic?[/quote]

No, it’s like being black. Only black people can say the N word, and only Roman Catholics can crack on Roman Catholics, otherwise you get your throat fucking slit.[/quote]

Then this is probably not a good time to mention that I’m no longer a practicing Catholic and haven’t been to church in more than ten years, aside from attending with my parents on Christmas Eve.[/quote]

Once you’re Catholic…you’re always Catholic.

23

[quote]Brother Chris wrote:

[quote]gregron wrote:

[quote]Brother Chris wrote:

[quote]DBCooper wrote:

[quote]Ct. Rockula wrote:

[quote]DBCooper wrote:

[quote]Brother Chris wrote:

[quote]DBCooper wrote:

[quote]gregron wrote:

[quote]DBCooper wrote:
You think that’s embarrassing? Try doing front squats in your garage completely fucking naked when you thought your roommates were out of town, only to realize that one of them had come back a day early and is standing in the doorway watching you struggle through a heavy triple with your fucking cock swinging around. Also, try doing box squats naked, only to realize that box squats when you’re naked is asking for a smashed nutsack at the bottom of every rep.[/quote]

you think thats embarrassing? Try getting food poisoning and throwing up in the kitchen sink while simultaneously pooping your pants.

EDIT: and by poop i mean diarrhea [/quote]

Oh yeah?!?!?! You think THAT’S embarrassing? Try having sex with some random chick only to realize that you had picked at an ingrown hair on your chest earlier in the day to the point where it looks like you’ve got a fucking bullet wound just left of your sternum when you take your shirt off and she goes “eww, it looks like you have a fucking bullet wound just left of your sternum!”[/quote]

OH, yeah? You think THAT’S embarrassing? Try having sex with some random chick only to realize that you have had food poisoning since earlier that day to the point you now poop yourself at random intervals. So, when you go back to thrust you simultaneously poop yourself (and by poop i mean diarrhea) and throw up on her tits. But, you’re so embarrassed you just keep going.[/quote]

Oh yeah?!?!?!? You think THAT’S embarrassing? Trying being a fucking Catholic! OHH![/quote]

OOOOOH

THATS IT

THATS ALL FOLKS

TEAM RAPE AXE WINS[/quote]

YEAH!!! RAPE AXE IN THE FUCKING ASS FOR THE WIN!!! YEAH!!!

Is this a bad time to mention that I’m a baptized and confirmed Roman Catholic?[/quote]

No, it’s like being black. Only black people can say the N word, and only Roman Catholics can crack on Roman Catholics, otherwise you get your throat fucking slit.[/quote]

are catholics even allowed to say fuck?[/quote]

I wish I had a video of one of my confessions to be honest, nothing that I really did.

A brother monk down at Saint Mary’s Basilica in Phoenix, he stood 5’2" and has hands like small boulders and heavy as bags of mercury (I know he was my boxing coach). The monk was gapped tooth, cross-eyed, Irish immigrant, and U.S. Navy Sailor.

Well, one day I needed to go to confession for the week. St. Mary’s was the closet and the only one doing confession at that time of the day. So, I go in and the confession box was broken while moving a statue into the building earlier that week. So we were doing confession in a hall room, confession was on one side and everyone else sat and waited at another side of the room. It came my turn, and I tried to be quiet as the room was echoing pretty good so the people on the other side could hear.

I tell the brother monk (he’s a father) my sins, and he cuts me off and in a very loud voice, "Well son, sometimes you just gotta fucking hit hard, sack up. Grab your motherfucking balls. Don’t be a damn pussy all the fuckin’ time and just do what you fucking gotta do.

"If you’re having trouble keeping your damn cock in your pants, just tell the bitch to get the fuck out. Ain’t no reason to go to hell, when you can just kick the old broad in the ass and scoot her big fat ass out the damn door.

"And, about that drinking shit, ain’t no reason to be scared of the old fucking bottle of wine. Just wait a damn year until your young dumb ass is old enough to drink. Yeah, its a little fucked up that kids can’t drink no fucking more, when I was your age, just a little fucking shit kicker getting in all kinds of damnation, I could even drink drink out of the old fucking wine bag. Now, can’t even do it in your own damn house, what a fucking shame.

“Well, I absolve you in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Ghost. Go and serve the Lord.”

I couldn’t stop laughing for about fifteen minutes after seeing all those people horrified at what they were about to face.

Another conversation in confession (first time I had confession with him):

He sees that I’m kind of bewildered by him, and trying not to look at him. “Hahah, I’m a crazy motherfucker. I know! Just be glad, I’m a priest! haha!”[/quote]

Did he at least give you a reach-around while assailing your ears with such filthy fucking language? OHH!

Sorry. Couldn’t resist.

24

[quote]gregron wrote:

[quote]Hallowed wrote:

[quote]gregron wrote:

[quote]DBCooper wrote:
You think that’s embarrassing? Try doing front squats in your garage completely fucking naked when you thought your roommates were out of town, only to realize that one of them had come back a day early and is standing in the doorway watching you struggle through a heavy triple with your fucking cock swinging around. Also, try doing box squats naked, only to realize that box squats when you’re naked is asking for a smashed nutsack at the bottom of every rep.[/quote]

you think thats embarrassing? Try getting food poisoning and throwing
up in the kitchen sink while simultaneously pooping your pants.

EDIT: and by poop i mean diarrhea [/quote]

Ohemmmgheee
Buahahahahaha
Funniest post of the day
So good lols.
<3 u[/quote]

that was a dark day in my life Hallowed… dark day but I’m glad it has brought you joy <3
[/quote]

It was the “edit: and by poop I mean diarreah” that sent the post into epic hilarity. So I wasn’t really laughing at your pain. I was laughing at your comedic storytelling technique. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

25

[quote]Hallowed wrote:

[quote]gregron wrote:

[quote]Hallowed wrote:

[quote]gregron wrote:

[quote]DBCooper wrote:
You think that’s embarrassing? Try doing front squats in your garage completely fucking naked when you thought your roommates were out of town, only to realize that one of them had come back a day early and is standing in the doorway watching you struggle through a heavy triple with your fucking cock swinging around. Also, try doing box squats naked, only to realize that box squats when you’re naked is asking for a smashed nutsack at the bottom of every rep.[/quote]

you think thats embarrassing? Try getting food poisoning and throwing
up in the kitchen sink while simultaneously pooping your pants.

EDIT: and by poop i mean diarrhea [/quote]

Ohemmmgheee
Buahahahahaha
Funniest post of the day
So good lols.
<3 u[/quote]

that was a dark day in my life Hallowed… dark day but I’m glad it has brought you joy <3
[/quote]

It was the “edit: and by poop I mean diarreah” that sent the post into epic hilarity. So I wasn’t really laughing at your pain. I was laughing at your comedic storytelling technique. Yeah, that’s the ticket.[/quote]

thanks :slight_smile: I pride myself on my comedic timing

26

[quote]Brother Chris wrote:
Once you’re Catholic…you’re always Catholic. [/quote]

Yeah, we’re kinda stuck that way.

27

[quote]Mad HORSE wrote:

[quote]Brother Chris wrote:
Once you’re Catholic…you’re always Catholic. [/quote]

Yeah, we’re kinda stuck that way.[/quote]

It’s like the Mafia…blood in, blood out.

28

[quote]gregron wrote:

[quote]Hallowed wrote:

[quote]gregron wrote:

[quote]Hallowed wrote:

[quote]gregron wrote:

[quote]DBCooper wrote:
You think that’s embarrassing? Try doing front squats in your garage completely fucking naked when you thought your roommates were out of town, only to realize that one of them had come back a day early and is standing in the doorway watching you struggle through a heavy triple with your fucking cock swinging around. Also, try doing box squats naked, only to realize that box squats when you’re naked is asking for a smashed nutsack at the bottom of every rep.[/quote]

you think thats embarrassing? Try getting food poisoning and throwing
up in the kitchen sink while simultaneously pooping your pants.

EDIT: and by poop i mean diarrhea [/quote]

Ohemmmgheee
Buahahahahaha
Funniest post of the day
So good lols.
<3 u[/quote]

that was a dark day in my life Hallowed… dark day but I’m glad it has brought you joy <3
[/quote]

It was the “edit: and by poop I mean diarreah” that sent the post into epic hilarity. So I wasn’t really laughing at your pain. I was laughing at your comedic storytelling technique. Yeah, that’s the ticket.[/quote]

thanks :slight_smile: I pride myself on my comedic timing[/quote]

Prolific, I tell ya!

29

[quote]gregron wrote:

[quote]DBCooper wrote:
You think that’s embarrassing? Try doing front squats in your garage completely fucking naked when you thought your roommates were out of town, only to realize that one of them had come back a day early and is standing in the doorway watching you struggle through a heavy triple with your fucking cock swinging around. Also, try doing box squats naked, only to realize that box squats when you’re naked is asking for a smashed nutsack at the bottom of every rep.[/quote]

you think thats embarrassing? Try getting food poisoning and throwing up in the kitchen sink while simultaneously pooping your pants.

EDIT: and by poop i mean diarrhea [/quote]

Same thing happened to me…remember that salmonella in the peanutbutter thing like 7 years ago? Well I ate half a fucking jar of that shit in one sitting cus a guy I played football with told me it would make me gain weight (yeah I was an idiot). I was at a summer camp when it went down. Was sleeping on the top bunk, felt the urge to go diarrhea and started scrambling to get out of bed, realized I wasn’t gonna make it in time so I jumped off the bunk, collapsed muslim praying style on the floor projectile vomitting and shitting myself (with like 9 other people in the room). My best friend was there and he said he woke to the sound of me saying “I think I shit myself [long pause]…yep I did”.

Then I spent the next 24hrs in and out of hallucinations from the fever. Still hate peanutbutter…

30

I was feeling ball-sy on my last set of deads. Mistakes are made because I am a dumbass. Ambulances are called, girls cry.

I ladder up and by force of routine and habit i use this odd combination of regular plates and the Kiekos (KG plates so weights are odd in pounds) starting with baby weight for sets of 5 or so around 154 or something then 280-ish, to 360 ish, then the first real work sets starting with 450, 520-ish, 570-ish, then 620 or so, just a little over 640 on the last sets.

Like I said, I had plenty of ephedrine in my system, I was feeling strong as fuck, so I pushed it to 700 and decided instead of 4 with 6 I would do a heavy single or a 30 second pause double with 7.

Not a big deal on a high effort day for most guys in my weight class, but again, this is like the 8th set including all warm up sets, and the 5th work set or so at this point in a high volume day.

So if you think about it, this was a stupid plan, Im pretty beat to pieces by this point. But I’m feeling too strong to care.

I get it once, have to grind a bit to lock, but not hard once I get the hips moving through.

I stand at the top for probably 10 seconds, catch my breath a little so Im not panting, and go again.

Just barely lock it, probably hitch more than a little, no white lights, but it is decent, you get the idea, just grind the fuck out of it, eyes blood shot as hell.

I slam it down and am feeling pretty good still. Now I dont lift in a belt on volume days and I dont use straps ever for anything, so people, most of whom have never seen someone deadlift more than 225, have started watching me in the pit once I got over 450, well into the 500-600 hundreds, then 700, with no belt, completely raw. Something none of them have ever seen in person.

Theres probably 8-10 guys and staff watching. I walk out of the pit feeling good.

Then start to feel off, spots, dizzy, I know Im about to pass out, nothing new to me, it happens.

I know the drill, I lay on the ground and just sprawl out, usually your fine if you just get parallel to the ground and breathe.

I was not, I pass out. I blame the ephedrine spiking my BP to the maximum.

But its just for literally about 5 minutes. I wake up and like 3 guys and this poor little girl; personal trainer, who is 19, kind of a friend, we chat, talk about the day, etc, is standing over me panicking, shes crying, she thinks Ive had a stroke or something because she was shaking me and I didnt wake up. She called all these other guys over to help.

I sort of sit up and cant figure out what is wrong, I didn’t know I passed out, I thought I just closed my eyes for a second and now all of a sudden everyone is all around me and this poor girl is crying.

They had already called for an ambulance when after she shook me and started panicking and crying hysterically she made everyone panic. They had told 911 a guy had had a stroke and passed out, so the emergency responders roll fucking HARD upon hearing that.

Firetruck and Ambulance shows up like 7 minutes after its called, which is fast as fuck, Im passed out, and too confused when I do wake up as to what is wrong to realize whats happened, like 2 minutes after I wake up ambulance is there.

Medics rush me, firefighters carrying a gurney and shit rush me and try to put me on it, Im like pushing them off, just crazy confused, girl is crying, medics are attacking me, gym guys are trying to get me to calm down, medics keep asking stupid questions (to determine if I had a stroke), giving orders to me, trying to put things on my arms, shining lights in my face…you get the idea

Everyone calms down after they check my heart rate, pupils and BP, quiz me on what day it is, my name and all that.

Poor little girl is all puffy faced, sniffling and sob-by and she will not let go of me after for like 10 minutes. We are not really THAT close or anything, just kind of gym friends, but shes a teenager and she thought she had watched me die.

Basically I cause a huge scene, 911 emergency vehicles and personnel are involved, girl is crying hysterically, people panic, I have to spend the rest of the good part of 2 hours explaining what happened, flashing lights all over the parking lot, they still want to take me to the hospital to get checked out, rather insistent on it.

The rest of my workout is ruined, and from now on, people recognize me as “That guy who fainted”, and whenever I deadlift, the guys make fun of my, there like hes going for it “Keep the ambulance on standby”…

You get the idea. If an embarrassing gym accident is what your KNOWN for, you probably are a special breed of stupid.

31

[quote]gregron wrote:

you think thats embarrassing? Try getting food poisoning and throwing up in the kitchen sink while simultaneously pooping your pants.

EDIT: and by poop i mean diarrhea [/quote]

i did that into my mum’s kitchen sink, when i was bout 19, as she greeted me after a rough weekend in amsterdam.

Mum: Hi son, did you have a good time?
Me: running right past her and into the kitchen blaaaaaarghhhhhhhh!

32

[quote]handsomedevil wrote:

[quote]gregron wrote:

[quote]DBCooper wrote:
You think that’s embarrassing? Try doing front squats in your garage completely fucking naked when you thought your roommates were out of town, only to realize that one of them had come back a day early and is standing in the doorway watching you struggle through a heavy triple with your fucking cock swinging around. Also, try doing box squats naked, only to realize that box squats when you’re naked is asking for a smashed nutsack at the bottom of every rep.[/quote]

you think thats embarrassing? Try getting food poisoning and throwing up in the kitchen sink while simultaneously pooping your pants.

EDIT: and by poop i mean diarrhea [/quote]

Same thing happened to me…remember that salmonella in the peanutbutter thing like 7 years ago? Well I ate half a fucking jar of that shit in one sitting cus a guy I played football with told me it would make me gain weight (yeah I was an idiot). I was at a summer camp when it went down. Was sleeping on the top bunk, felt the urge to go diarrhea and started scrambling to get out of bed, realized I wasn’t gonna make it in time so I jumped off the bunk, collapsed muslim praying style on the floor projectile vomitting and shitting myself (with like 9 other people in the room). My best friend was there and he said he woke to the sound of me saying “I think I shit myself [long pause]…yep I did”.

Then I spent the next 24hrs in and out of hallucinations from the fever. Still hate peanutbutter…[/quote]

haha i laughed so hard my stomach hurt

33

Someone say catholic?

34

[quote]legendaryblaze wrote:
Someone say catholic?

Good stuff

35

You think thats embarassing?
I split my work pants all the time!

tweet tweet

36

Well if you bring up out of the gym incidents then its a whole new story. My wife and I were at a festival last year and a “mentally challenged” man comes up yelling “Hey! I had sex with him! I had sex with him!”. Thats alil bit of embarrassment and alil bit of “holy shit, your ass is gonna get me in some type of trouble just for saying that”. Wife thought is was funny so.

37

during the offseason before my senior year of football, our coach took a couple weeks to teach technique, as he did every year to help the younger kids learn the lifts properly. He decided it would benefit the team to video each player to make sure everyone was doing the lifts right before we got into heavy lifting. So one day hes filming us do power cleans with really light loads (like 50-60% of our max) and he tells us to clean it as fast as possible.

So, its my turn to do my rep or watever, and i proceded to clean the bar fast as hell, too fast, and the bar hits my directly in the chin. My chin was swolen as hell for 3 weeks, and the worse part was watching the vids with the team and them replaying it over and over again and laughing at my misfortune.

38

[quote]theBird wrote:
You think thats embarassing?
I split my work pants all the time!

tweet tweet[/quote]

As much as I hate to admit it… I LOLed

39

It wasn’t me, but a newbie at my old gym was doing seated behind-the-neck barbell press - everyone heard a yelp and the bar hit the floor, turned out he’d dislocated both of his shoulders. God knows how.

He turned a nasty shade of green, and when the ambulance turned up they had to cut him out of his shirt in the gym and carry him out.

Must have been pretty embarassing for him.

40

[quote]RTJenforcer wrote:
It wasn’t me, but a newbie at my old gym was doing seated behind-the-neck barbell press - everyone heard a yelp and the bar hit the floor, turned out he’d dislocated both of his shoulders. God knows how.

He turned a nasty shade of green, and when the ambulance turned up they had to cut him out of his shirt in the gym and carry him out.

Must have been pretty embarassing for him.[/quote]

That was painful to read.