T Nation

GUYS AND GIRLS PLEASE HELP ME TALK DIRTY!!!

Ok, im really into my new girlfriend, we have a great time all the time, stuff like that, everything is good. except when we have sex, she likes me to talk dirty to her, but i cant do it. I mean i try, but my words just arent smooth, suave… you know what i mean??? I dunno if im retarted or what. I figured it would be pretty easy. I feel stupid, she doesnt make me feel stupid about it, but i know shes hoping for better. Does anyone have any advice for me, maybe tell me a few things i could say, or at least what not to say? I appreciate any help thanks

Fuck her while drunk or on some type of drug, preferably ecstacy. This will remove inhibitions and you just won’t give a shit. She will wonder what the fuck happened.

I always say stuff that is funny yet serious. Baby, can I taste you. I want my tongue in you right now. I want to cum in you so hard. Funny stuff if said with the right approach. Chances are that is why u are feeling stupid.

“Yeah girl, EAS, EAS! Billy Phillips! Scott Connoly…Doctor Scott Connoly. Bleeeeechman. Mmmhhhmmmm…Thats what I’m sayin’ girl. Subway diet, Slim Fast, harder, that’s it, I’m gonna, I’m gonna…Joe Weeeeeeeeeider!”

How do you want me to teach you to sing like Pavarotti?

Say what you are feeling.

Get her doggy style, pull on her hair and say the following, “You dirty little slut, I’m gonna fuck you like the little whore that you are. You like that? You want me to fuck you harder? Can you feel that? I’m gonna make you cum baby. Can you feel me inside you? I’m going to cum inside you sweetie. I know you can take it. Fuck me! Fuck me you dirty slut!”

i think it is fuckin awesome if a guy talks dirty to me and i don’t blame her for wanting it. but if it weirds you out i hope you have let her know that because you need to communicate what you want in order to get it(practice what i preach?) do what you are comfortable with. and say what you are thinking as often as possible. i know i’ve made mistakes in that department where i haven’t said what i really want and it is coming back to haunt me.

Is your name Ross? :wink:

You have to be careful in this area. I had a woman talk dirty to me just last month. Wow! I was appalled, and you can damn sure know that I asked to speak with the manager. That’s one burger joint that doesn’t need my service.

I would start out slow. You know, throw a few “shoots” and a “good golly” in there. Then when you feel comfortable with that, and you want to get more experience, watch a good documentary on Turrets Syndrome and get back in the sack. Everything should be wonderful then.

here are some things i would recommend …well maybe not lol

  1. Would ya like fries with that.

  2. Oh Michael(or any other dudes name) lol

  3. TIMMY limla limla TIMMY…timmy

  4. What chu talkin about Willis

  5. Pretty much anything the dude said about EAS and Bill Phillips lol that dude had me rollin on the floor…funny stuff funny stuff…

no but seriously just talk about how good she feels and how much you wanna fuck her and how you can’t wait to be inside her and stuff…good luck and i was just kidding about the other stuff…later

Say something like, “You like that you dirty rotten slut? Well bitch? How you like four fingers up your ass you stupid whore? Call me Master you piece of shit! I SAID CALL ME MASTER!!! Swallow it cunt, you had better not throw up!” Stuff like that, she’ll love it.

Think back to about 8th grade, any word that your mom would have slapped (or washed your mouth out with soap) you for using is good for this purpose.

MonkeyBoy, that was classic. Just classic! Between you and Steve, the Forum has definitely gotten funnier lately… I’m gonna have to come up with sumpthin…