guilt w/ girlfriend

hey you guys,

i met this wonderful girl during christmas break and we are presently going out. i go to college about an hour away from her, and i get to see her alot. well during finals week my friends and i went out one night. i have this girl who has been my friend since the beginning of the school year who went with us. well before my current relationship i had kissed my friend’s (alexis’s) two other friends. When we went out that night we had alot to drink to take stress off the exams and somebody thought it was funny to say that if i kissed my friend alexis then it would be a hat trick like in hockey. well, i didn’t want to but then i was getting more and more drunk and we kissed but it was nothing big. me and alexis are just good friends and we were drunkand stupid and right after we did it the guilt hit me and we have both felt terrible since. it was really just as a joke and i didn’t realize it would hurt so bad. the question is should i tell my g/f anyway? i feel all it would do is make her not trust me when she really can. i have never done anyting like this before. i had a g/f for about 4 years before this and i never cheated on her. my g/f will be leaving for college next yera and i feel we just need to e close this summer since its the only time we have really ever hadto be close to each other. i feel real guilty for doing it even though it was just supposed to be a joke between friends, but then again i can’t look my current girl in the face without feeling so bad for her. but i also don’t want to put her through that pain for no big deal because me and that girl have no sexual or love attraction at all. we are strictly friends. please help me out thanks.

hjkrty, you make me laugh! You’re such an innocent guy around compared to the other posts I’ve read. (“I have a girlfriend but I had sex with another girl who was a virgin but I didn’t tell her I had a girlfriend.” OR: “I’ve been putting steroids in my girlfriends post-workout shake, should I tell her?”) I really think you’re letting something really meaningless eat into you. But hey, if you really have to tell her, maybe she’ll understand. She might be relieved that it was only a kiss that meant nothing to you. Good luck.

yeha my friends say the same thing. i guess i am just letting a little thing eat into me. im like that.


There are different levels of honesty. Two of those levels are “brutal” honesty and “hurtful” honesty. If you told her, you would be being hurtfully honest to her just to take away your guilt. There’re other ways to let it go.
At least now you know not to kiss your friends when you’re drunk and committed.

Definitely do not tell her about it. It was just a friendly thing. Your girlfriend might take it out of context and then your relationship is screwed.

thanks alot you guys. you give some great advice on this forum. thanks

Men and women have rights, just different rights. Women get the door opened for them and their meals paid for on a date. Men have the right to cheat, but not the right to tell their girlfriends about it. Why hurt her? You also say that you were with your ex girlfriend for 4 years and didn’t cheat on her- but does it matter? You aren’t with her any more. Realize most likely you are not going to marry this girl, so enjoy things while you can. You’re gonna be 50 one day and wish you had. Relax about things. Treat your woman well when you are with her, but don’t hurt her by admitting you cheated. One day you will meet a girl so wonderful that no matter what, drunk or not, you refuse to cheat on her- that will be the one to keep. In the meantime don’t worry, for how bad you feel you might as well had had sex with your friend, because you’re treating it as if kissing = the same degree of cheating as sex

It’s cool that you never cheated on your gf for four years…BUT…you now have kissed another girl while having a girlfriend. A lot of girls consider that cheating. And being drunk isn’t an excuse. If I were you, I’d tell your girlfriend the truth and beg for her forgiveness. She might not trust you to be around this girl without her, but maybe in time you’ll gain her trust again. Good luck and try not to let anything like this happen again.

I think you’re WRONG!!! Men do not have the RIGHT to cheat and not tell their girlfriends about it. I like to call them worthless pieces of shit who don’t deserve a girl. It’s guys like you that make all guys look bad.

Do not take Kittie’s advice. The worst thing you could do is to tell your girlfriend about it. It was a friendly kiss so there is no need to feel guilty. I know from personal experience that the gf doesn’t need to know about something like this. Some things are just better left unsaid.

Kitty - I’m prety sure Don Juan was being scarcastic…

hjkrty, tell her, apologize to her, and PRAY she does not dump your ass. Next time don't get drunk if you can't control yourself. You wouldn't feel guilty if you didnt' know you stepped out of line... so do the right thing and fess up.

Whatever you do, do not beg or pray for any forgiveness. It was just a kiss for fuck’s sake, if she asks tell her and if she has a problem with that, leave her. Anyway you will find another woman after she goes to college and she will have another man.

I’ll repeat myself. Do not tell her about it. Don’t listen to the females who are saying you should tell her.

OK, maybe this will be a lot easier… Just pretend that the situation were reversed and that she kissed another guy. Would you want her to tell you about it? Just remember that honesty is a very important part in a relationship. Whithout it, there’s nothing.

Here’s another way to look at it. You’re going to die in another seventy years or so. The last fifty or so years of your life if you even want to have sex it will be with someone who looks like your grandma does now. So you owe it to yourself to cheat on your girlfriend as much as you can with hot girls and never let her find out. If you don’t then the terrorists have already won.

Any girl worth keeping would dump a cheater if she found out about the cheating. So, you guys have to decide about fessing up and being dumped, or being left with a girl who doesn’t respect herself enough and stays with a cheater. I guess, really, to all of you who like to have many women on the go–why have a girlfriend in the first place? There are a lot of girls who like to play around with lots of different guys. I think you might be happier with some of them. To have a girlfriend, or boyfriend, means you are ready, and WANT, to commit to ONE other person–even if just for a very short while. If you like the challenge and chase so much, then just stick to chasing lots of different girls. It really is quite simple.
And to the original poster (your name escapes me at the moment–sorry)–your drunken kiss with a friend was probably very innocent to both of you. However, alcohol is no excuse, just a medium through which people act upon their desires. If you tell your girl, she will undoubtedly dump you, or have little trust for you–unless she too has done the same thing in a drunken stupor. And if you tell her, and she forgives your indiscretion–will you, in your subconscious, take that as an okay to do it again? Hmmmmmm.

DO NOT TELL YOUR GIRLFRIEND!! It is unnecessary. An innocent kiss is like a white lie. Why hurt your girlfriend more than she needs to be hurt. If you feel like she should know, then do it. But, in my opinion, it’s not worth hurting just to relieve guilt. Look at it this way: If it was a kiss, and it meant something, and you want to do more “activities” with the other girl, then you should tell her, and let her go. It is not fair to anyone to be cheated on. However, in your case, you’re not cheating. It meant nothing, and she doesn’t need to know. Why take the chance to destroy a good relationship over something that means nothing?

If you are feeing guilt over this it is because you know you screwed up! Come on, do you feel guilty when you have chicken and rice for dinner? No, because it’s on your diet… you feel guilty when you polish off a pint of Ben and Jerry’s (shut up, I was PMSing grin) What does this have to do with anything??? You feel guilty when you did something you know is wrong!!! So, since you already screwed up, fess up and get it over with. Trust me, if she finds out from someone else you don’t have a chance in hell.

CarWreck, I remember those posts! Hahahahaha, that guy who was drugging his gf’s shakes to get sex was totally ridiculous! It was Methandrostenolone I think actually. Hahaha. All the girls were like “if you were good you wouldn’t have to do that” and the guy acted like it was the best idea he ever had in his life. Oh man…

I thought that story wasn’t real. The girl may end up looking like a man or never being able to have children from taking too much dbal. That guy deserves to be fucked in the ass with a 11 inch dick for doing that.