GPS Tracked My Fiance

adamhum · April 18, 2013, 5:34am

So I know this is not a good sign toward going into a marriage, but I was burned epically before and I just wanted to put my due diligence into this one. We live separately. So we’re getting married in two months and I wanted to make sure there would be no surprises this time around.

So I decided to put a GPS tracker in her car, it’s the kind that just logs and it’s pretty accurate, it’s not real time, you have to download the data off it after you retrieve it. So the first time I used it I only saw one thing that I thought was strange, she told me she went to her friends house after work and turned that persons alarm off…but the GPS tracker said she went right from the gym to this house I was unfamiliar with until midnight.

I was not happy about it and later she mentioned her friend I knew lived in that area and I thought ok, she felt bad about not coming to my house and she hung out with her girlfriends, whatever, i’m guilty of stopping by a strip club when I need stress relief after work on Fridays, which she doesn’t know about, it’s something I’ve been doing since I was 21. Mainly I just have a beer and enjoy watching the women dance. I’m not proud of it…Usually it’s just for an hour.

ok so I put the tracker in the car again, didn’t expect anything would result from it. I pulled it out of the car two and I see two separate days a week apart where she went to this house around 9pm or so and didn’t leave until the following morning.

So I think it’s possible it’s her female friend and maybe they parked her car at the friends house and picked it back up in the morning after a ladies night out?

So I’ve been trying to figure out for sure who lives at this house short of knocking on the door. If I knock on the door and it is her friend I wouldn’t know how to play it off. If it’s a dude then that’s a game changer.

She doesn’t seem at all like a cheater, we hold hands and act like love birds. I try probing questions without trying to seem like i’m a stalker. Really i’m just trying to be careful.

I don’t think she would like to know I GPS’d her…I wouldn’t want to lose her over it.

I really don’t know what to do…I did a lot of research on the internet, no dice.

Fuzzyapple_Train · April 18, 2013, 6:09am

Why are you two not living together now?

strungoutboy21 · April 18, 2013, 6:17am

How were you burned before? Were you cheated on before? Just because one girl did it doesn’t mean that all girls will do it. What made you want to put a GPS tracker in her car? Has she been giving you signs that something isn’t right?

I’m just curious as to why you put a GPS tracker in her car because I would never do something like that to a woman I was with unless I really didn’t trust her.

Sounds like you don’t trust her. How can you expect to marry someone you don’t even trust?

You just sound really insecure. If things are going good, why start GPS tracking her?

magick · April 18, 2013, 6:23am

I think you lost her the moment you felt the need to put a GPS tracker in her car.

strungoutboy21 · April 18, 2013, 6:26am

Maybe you should call that show Cheaters and have those guys with cameras follow her around.

niksamaras · April 18, 2013, 7:01am

[quote]adamhum wrote:
So I know this is not a good sign toward going into a marriage, but I was burned epically before and I just wanted to put my due diligence into this one. We live separately. So we’re getting married in two months and I wanted to make sure there would be no surprises this time around.

So I decided to put a GPS tracker in her car, it’s the kind that just logs and it’s pretty accurate, it’s not real time, you have to download the data off it after you retrieve it. So the first time I used it I only saw one thing that I thought was strange, she told me she went to her friends house after work and turned that persons alarm off…but the GPS tracker said she went right from the gym to this house I was unfamiliar with until midnight. I was not happy about it and later she mentioned her friend I knew lived in that area and I thought ok, she felt bad about not coming to my house and she hung out with her girlfriends, whatever, i’m guilty of stopping by a strip club when I need stress relief after work on Fridays, which she doesn’t know about, it’s something I’ve been doing since I was 21. Mainly I just have a beer and enjoy watching the women dance. I’m not proud of it…Usually it’s just for an hour.

ok so I put the tracker in the car again, didn’t expect anything would result from it. I pulled it out of the car two and I see two separate days a week apart where she went to this house around 9pm or so and didn’t leave until the following morning.

So I think it’s possible it’s her female friend and maybe they parked her car at the friends house and picked it back up in the morning after a ladies night out?

So I’ve been trying to figure out for sure who lives at this house short of knocking on the door. If I knock on the door and it is her friend I wouldn’t know how to play it off. If it’s a dude then that’s a game changer.

She doesn’t seem at all like a cheater, we hold hands and act like love birds. I try probing questions without trying to seem like i’m a stalker. Really i’m just trying to be careful.

I don’t think she would like to know I GPS’d her…I wouldn’t want to lose her over it.

I really don’t know what to do…I did a lot of research on the internet, no dice.

[/quote]

Simple. You know where she was on some specific time. Ask her. If she lies, it’s end game. Also, get one real time gps, so you can track her down real time. When she goes back to that house, call her, ask her where she is etc. If she lies, you drive over there and catch her on the show. And I am talking from experience here, 95% she is cheating on you.

system · April 18, 2013, 7:20am

LOL at some of these responses…the OP is about to make the biggest investment of his life (marriage), and you guys are telling him he fucked up by doing some research beforehand. LOLOL you wouldn’t buy a car without a test drive, and you most certainly would not sign a contract (what marriage essentially is) entitling someone to half your net worth and future assets without doing, as he put it, “due diligence.”

Trust is an earned priviledge, not some unconditional right that anyone is entitled to.

OP, have you considered taking a quick glance at the house’s mailbox and seeing who the mail is addressed to? Shouldn’t take more than 5 seconds. As a back-up, take some random flyers with you (from anywhere) and just say you’re distributing them to local neighborhoods in case you get caught.

Unfortunately, however, just because you find out who lives at this house, it really doesn’t give you much proof as to anything that may or may not be going on there. Say it is a male…can you prove she actually went in his house? How accurate is this GPS? Does it show you that she parked in the driveway, or just on the street? There could be a million possible explanations for this scenario…

[quote]adamhum wrote:
I don’t think she would like to know I GPS’d her…I wouldn’t want to lose her over it.
[/quote]

If she found out you did this, you would most definitely lose her. From her perspective, she will see it as a breech of trust, an invasion of privacy, and a power tactic (as in you feel that you own her, and have a right to know where she is at all times - not saying this is the case, but this is how she will see it). In other words, you probably don’t want to tell her about this. If you think she’s cheating, you will need to find some other form of evidence to support your theory.

[quote]adamhum wrote:

She doesn’t seem at all like a cheater, we hold hands and act like love birds.
[/quote]

They never do.

Moral of the story: If you believe that she’s cheating on you, find more evidence before you confront her about it. But, for the love of God, don’t marry her until all of your questions are answered.

system · April 18, 2013, 7:22am

Seems appropriate

strungoutboy21 · April 18, 2013, 7:59am

[quote]The Greek wrote:
LOL at some of these responses…the OP is about to make the biggest investment of his life (marriage), and you guys are telling him he fucked up by doing some research beforehand. LOLOL you wouldn’t buy a car without a test drive, and you most certainly would not sign a contract (what marriage essentially is) entitling someone to half your net worth and future assets without doing, as he put it, “due diligence.”

[/quote]
The OP never stated if something specific happened that would make him want to put a GPS in her car or if it was just because. People get married all the time. Are you saying that they should track and stalk their fiance before their marriage for no reason at all?

Test driving a car before buying it is a terrible analogy. Everybody tests drives a car before buying it. How many people do you know that put a GPS in someones car to track them? The whole relationship before the marriage is basically a test drive.

The question is, has she given him a reason why he shouldn’t trust her?

Nards · April 18, 2013, 8:10am

In a related way, I’m not kidding but this is my girlfriend on Google Street View.

I of course breathed a small sigh of relief to see she was alone.

strungoutboy21 · April 18, 2013, 8:18am

[quote]Nards wrote:
In a related way, I’m not kidding but this is my girlfriend on Google Street View.

I of course breathed a small sigh of relief to see she was alone.

Haha, that’s awesome.

Gettnitdone · April 18, 2013, 8:33am

[quote]strungoutboy21 wrote:

[quote]The Greek wrote:
LOL at some of these responses…the OP is about to make the biggest investment of his life (marriage), and you guys are telling him he fucked up by doing some research beforehand. LOLOL you wouldn’t buy a car without a test drive, and you most certainly would not sign a contract (what marriage essentially is) entitling someone to half your net worth and future assets without doing, as he put it, “due diligence.”

[/quote]
The OP never stated if something specific happened that would make him want to put a GPS in her car or if it was just because. People get married all the time. Are you saying that they should track and stalk their fiance before their marriage for no reason at all?

Test driving a car before buying it is a terrible analogy. Everybody tests drives a car before buying it. How many people do you know that put a GPS in someones car to track them? The whole relationship before the marriage is basically a test drive.

The question is, has she given him a reason why he shouldn’t trust her?[/quote]

The OP said he got “burned” in a prior relationship, hence his paranoia now.
She has given him a reason not to trust her. She hasn’t fully explained who’s house she’s been to. There’s only so much a subtle way the OP can address her about the situation without sounding like that insecure guy his actions may be representative of. The thing is, he GPSed her the first time because of the assumed prior instance of cheating he has experienced so it’s understandable. Was it wrong in hindsight and from an external perspective? Yeah probably. Is the OP a bit insecure? Likely. However, you can’t say he “lost” this chick because of one instance where he succumbed to paranoia; a) he acknowledged GPSing her car was wrong and b) he wouldn’t have put a GPS in her car the second time if he didn’t find anything suspicious the first time. In all, I look at the first action as `accidental’, him just not being able to control his emotional naivety, and therefore forgive any judgement of his character perceived from that action.

orion · April 18, 2013, 9:29am

[quote]strungoutboy21 wrote:

Test driving a car before buying it is a terrible analogy. Everybody tests drives a car before buying it. How many people do you know that put a GPS in someones car to track them? The whole relationship before the marriage is basically a test drive.

The question is, has she given him a reason why he shouldn’t trust her?[/quote]

Most likely yes, he just does not know what exactly consciously.

If you think she is cheating, she most likely is.

Unless you are a paranoid bastard, but most men are not.

Cortes · April 18, 2013, 10:27am

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]strungoutboy21 wrote:

Test driving a car before buying it is a terrible analogy. Everybody tests drives a car before buying it. How many people do you know that put a GPS in someones car to track them? The whole relationship before the marriage is basically a test drive.

The question is, has she given him a reason why he shouldn’t trust her?[/quote]

Most likely yes, he just does not know what exactly consciously.

If you think she is cheating, she most likely is.

Unless you are a paranoid bastard, but most men are not. [/quote]

I’d have to agree with this.

Though there are certain bastard men, who have managed to enter a relationship with someone above their station, who will never feel secure and will engage in behavior of one form or another to sabotage the relationship.

In either case, it sounds like marrying this girl, at least at this time, may be a pretty bad idea. If the OP is right, he should run away. If he is wrong, it probably won’t matter if he has a private detective follow her around 24 hours a day and finds the only places she went were work and church. He’ll still find some reason to believe she can’t be trusted, and will create conditions so that one, the other or both of them decide they want nothing to do with the other.

Cortes · April 18, 2013, 10:41am

Here is a fascinating Penn and Teller special that reveals the truth about lie detectors. It’s a very ironic truth, too, because you quickly come to see (and I can personally verify this) that the interrogator is the biggest liar in the room in almost every polygraph administration, anywhere, always.

For those not interested in watching the full 28 minutes, however, the point in my posting this was to have you watch the couple who are in an almost identical situation as the OP and his financee (only the genders are reversed). It becomes quite clear that matters like these are decided well before the results come in, and never in the defendant’s favor. In the end, it won’t matter how much loyalty, integrity and evidence of trust the OP’s fiancee demonstrates. If he thinks she’s been acheatin’, well then dadburnit shes’a been acheatin’, and he’ll keep on looking for that evidence until he damned well finds it.

Cortes · April 18, 2013, 10:48am

For clarification, I am talking about the white couple with the puppydog boyfriend who should have told his dumbass finacee that if he heard one more word about a his bachelor party night every again it would be the last one she would say to him as his partner. You can watch from the 20 min mark, but there’s a ton of exposition and explanation before that. Trust me, the video is worth watching. Really worth watching. You may even thank yourself for having watched it if at some time in the future you ever find yourself in a compromising situation.

cstratton2 · April 18, 2013, 10:49am