Got Dumped

[quote]jbpick86 wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:
I’m sorry I don’t have any good advice for your situation :frowning:

But I did want to say, if there are ever any females reading this, don’t ever, ever, ever tell a dude “we need to talk” unless you are going to start immediately. Either keep it to yourself or get to the point, but don’t just jack up my cortisol levels so you can pussyfoot around something.[/quote]

Men do it too! And it’s never okay.[/quote]

Pretty useful trick to get really good sex with. Gets them all emotionally compromised. Used it once or twice with a girl I was dating. Mention at lunch that we need to talk when you come over later, then when she gets their have it be something along the lines of “You are looking too damn hot today and it was causing me to not be able to concentrate.” Does not work if girl has really low self esteem or is overly dramatic and thinks that you are lying about compliment. Had it blow up in my face at least once.
[/quote]
Pretty much every woman I know, would kick you in the balls for playing games like this.

And, it has nothing to do with self esteem. They just don’t like mind-fucks.

[quote]Stinkfist wrote:

[quote]jbpick86 wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:
I’m sorry I don’t have any good advice for your situation :frowning:

But I did want to say, if there are ever any females reading this, don’t ever, ever, ever tell a dude “we need to talk” unless you are going to start immediately. Either keep it to yourself or get to the point, but don’t just jack up my cortisol levels so you can pussyfoot around something.[/quote]

Men do it too! And it’s never okay.[/quote]

Pretty useful trick to get really good sex with. Gets them all emotionally compromised. Used it once or twice with a girl I was dating. Mention at lunch that we need to talk when you come over later, then when she gets their have it be something along the lines of “You are looking too damn hot today and it was causing me to not be able to concentrate.” Does not work if girl has really low self esteem or is overly dramatic and thinks that you are lying about compliment. Had it blow up in my face at least once.
[/quote]
Pretty much every woman I know, would kick you in the balls for playing games like this.

And, it has nothing to do with self esteem. They just don’t like mind-fucks.[/quote]

You got big stones mr pick

To the OP Ive never liked the idea of having to convince someone to be with me. If they need convincing that seems to me like the relationship is going one sided. She wont be as into it if she doesnt choose to be in it. Now ending a 3 year relationship without talking through the issues seems odd to me. Seems like communication was pretty bad if you got to this stage without trying to work through things earlier. Relationships are built on good communication. So in this case it seems like its been done for a bit on both side. Whether you realize it or not.

[quote]Stinkfist wrote:

[quote]jbpick86 wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:
I’m sorry I don’t have any good advice for your situation :frowning:

But I did want to say, if there are ever any females reading this, don’t ever, ever, ever tell a dude “we need to talk” unless you are going to start immediately. Either keep it to yourself or get to the point, but don’t just jack up my cortisol levels so you can pussyfoot around something.[/quote]

Men do it too! And it’s never okay.[/quote]

Pretty useful trick to get really good sex with. Gets them all emotionally compromised. Used it once or twice with a girl I was dating. Mention at lunch that we need to talk when you come over later, then when she gets their have it be something along the lines of “You are looking too damn hot today and it was causing me to not be able to concentrate.” Does not work if girl has really low self esteem or is overly dramatic and thinks that you are lying about compliment. Had it blow up in my face at least once.
[/quote]
Pretty much every woman I know, would kick you in the balls for playing games like this.

And, it has nothing to do with self esteem. They just don’t like mind-fucks.[/quote]

My generally sarcastic demeaner and constant storm of B.S. probably helped me a little here because they were probably in the back of their mind new that it really could be me just messing with them. And they could try to kick me in the balls if they wanted, most of the time it did lead to at least a little abuse but anger can shift to passion pretty quickly.

Me thinks that:

[quote]RUDYTHEFIFTH76 wrote:
I quit my job ( bad mistake ) and took a part-time job but the hours were at night. 730pm to 1230am. I could mix up the day during the week but I always had to work Fri & Sat.[/quote]

This

Plus this

[quote]RUDYTHEFIFTH76 wrote:She didn’t like me doing this job & was pissed I quit my other job. I wanted this new job for the experience because it would help me down the road.
SO, over the past few months we grew apart, less time together.[/quote]

Plus this

Plus this

Plus this (also, she’s about to be an empty nester, that makes mom’s emotionally crazy.)

When I read this the first time, I assumed you were 22-27.

[quote]RUDYTHEFIFTH76 wrote:So give me some advice. And I’ve heard the…there’s plenty of fish out there & all that jazz. She’s 35 & I’m 38. We did talk about having a family and I want that so bad…I don’t want 3 years down the drain!

HELP. What’s my next step? [/quote]

All of that equals, she wants a man that can support her. She is about to be an empty nester; She doesnâ??t want two kids to take care of. I donâ??t mean to be a dick, but thatâ??s what your post leads me to believe.

Have you been married before? Has she?
What is the career you wish to attain and how does a part time job get you closer?

One thing I’ve learned over the years is that women look at things very differently than men. Women are still a complete mystery to me most of the time, but in this case I think your ex’s actions are completely logical. Let’s look at it from her perspective:

Your ex is 35 and has a daughter who is a senior in high school. You don’t say anything about the circumstances, but she likely became a single mother when she was 18 years old. For most women this is a one-way ticket to the wrong side of the tracks, and a life dependent on government handouts.

Despite this, your ex has done something with her life, and became a personal chef to a very demanding, wealthy family. She works 9-5 on weekdays (I don’t quite understand how you can be a personal chef without working nights & weekends, but that’s not particularly relevant). Aside from this, she’s raised a daughter who has avoided her mother’s early mistakes and will be going off to college next year. All in all, she’s made some remarkable achievements in her life.

The two of you were going out together for almost 3 years, but never moved in together, supposedly because of your financial situation. On the face of it, this explanation doesn’t make sense, as it’s cheaper to share expenses than live alone. To me, this is a tip-off that your ex didn’t want to get too deeply involved with your financial problems. She also has some major expenses coming up with her daughter going off to college next year.

Meanwhile you were working a full-time job that apparently was going nowhere, and didn’t pay much money. You quit this to take a part-time job working nights and weekends, which might lead to some sort of unspecified career. You either didn’t discuss this change with your ex, or made the change anyway despite her objections. All of this might make sense if you were in your early 20’s, but at 38 she must have been thinking that it’s pretty late to be taking actions like this.

So, your ex has overcome some very significant obstacles in her life, made a career for herself, raised a daughter, and will soon be paying for 4 years of college. In addition, her fertility is about to drop off a cliff. If she wants another child, she’ll either needs to do it within the next few years, or spend big bucks for IVF treatments. Finally, she gets stressed out from work and wants some emotional support when she gets home. You apparently initially provided that support, but that was no longer possible when you took the part-time job.

It seems to me that your ex was probably kicking the can down the road for the last few years (talking about moving in together, having a child, etc.), as a way of postponing the inevitable. She probably enjoyed your company and the emotional support you provided, but didn’t want to get too deeply involved. I doubt she would ever seriously entertain the idea of having another child with a man who couldn’t at least shoulder his share of the expenses. Remember, women sleep with men like Angry Chicken, but they marry a man who will be a good provider. When you were no longer around to provide emotional support and had even deeper financial problems to boot, she probably saw no good reason to continue the relationship.

I doubt there’s anything you could do to win her back at this point in time. My suggestion would be to walk away with your dignity intact and focus on getting your life together.

[quote]OldFatGuy2 wrote:
[/quote]

The real problem is that you are asking random people on the internet who don’t know anything about you and your situation advices about your personal life.

At your age and with everything you know, you should listen to yourself and do you what you feel you should do.