T Nation

Golly, That Was Dumb!


I was thinking about some of my youthful hijinks earlier today...you know, the kind that you blush when you talk about and love to think of as part of your "past self," but at the same time, you almost take pride in them, pleased with yourself that you could do something so funny and whacked out.

A website called "Testosterone Nation" must be rife with people who have a collection of stunts of just this type. I know you have stories. I'll start. When I was 18, I was suspended from school for hitting another kid in the face with a key lime pie (not the nice kind, this one came from the bake shop at Shaw's, to add insult to injury!) He took a minute to realize what had just happened, blinked twice, stared at me with eyes that just barely were visible through the mess of meringue on his face, wiped his face and walked away. Who's next?


eh when i was in elementary, i used to throw spit balls and tape "kick me" in back of my friends shirts


I told my first second and fourth grade teachers "fuck you". On second thought I looked my fourth grade teacher in the eye in the middle of a class lecture and told her to "fuck off", I was also sporting two middle fingers.

I burned my house down when I was 6.

I used to run away all the time. I can count a total of 9 times. That was when I was real young; like 4-5.

Trouble wasn't my best friend, it was my only friend.


In high school, my English teacher allowed us to sleep in class. Well I, and others were enjoying this relaxing time. A strange noise awoke myself and others around me. Oh yeah, I let a nice one rip. Wait, was this supposed to be dumb or embarrassing?


I once repelled out of my friend's barracks room window on the 5th floor of our building...being that there wasn't really a tie off point for the rope we tied it off to the bed and when I jumped out and braked for the first time, the bed slid across the room and I dropped ten feet before the bed hit the wall and I stopped...luckily the bed didn't skip or anything or the rope would've come off the bottom of it.

We were drunk and really didn't think that thru, after the sobering experience of almost falling to certain injury, we smartened up and tied the rope off to the toilet.


One of my favorite pranks ever was during a health and welfare in Korea(for non-military types this is when your room gets inspected for cleanliness by your commander and others who come tearing apart your shit looking for contraband as well.) We were situated two people to a room with a bathroom that we shared with our neighbors so you could access your neighbor's room through the bathroom. Oddly enough, or maybe not too oddly given the amount of prostitution in the area, there was a sex shop right down the hill from us and I bought a gigantic black dildo and some lube.

When it came time for inspection everybody had to line up outside their room and wait for the dudes to come through, while my neighbor's were standing outside at attention my roomate distracted them and I snuck into their room and planted the dildo and lube behind their wall-locker like they were trying to hide it...needless to say they did not enjoy the best of reputations afterwards, though they were probably pretty sure it was me, they never got conclusive evidence.


And how many times did your parents try to run away from you?


My first time in Japan twenty years ago, we had a party in a hotel room in Kyoto. Thirty-five people in a room designed for three or four, at the max. The room, which was on the third floor, had a window opening out on an alley, and my friend George and I (who were quite drunk at the time) decided that it would be a good idea to piss out the window.

Observing us, another friend decided that she wanted to piss out the window as well. I tried to explain the anatomical problems with this idea to her, but she would not be dissuaded. She dropped her pants, my friend and I each grabbed one leg, then lifted her up and dangled her bare ass out the window.

She had no sooner finished tinkling when George (who, needless to say, was a Marine) announced his sincere intention to push the young lady out the window. He was probably kidding, but it was awfully convincing. I was trying to pull her in while he was trying to shove her out, and she was squawking the whole time.

We finally pulled her back inside the room, and George was laughing so hard he hardly noticed our nearly defenestrated friend's verbal and physical assaults.

Our organization was banned from that hotel indefinitely, for some reason.


In 4th grade i dared a kid to piss on the school during recess, he wouldnt so I decided I would. Needless to say a teacher saw me and suspended me.

In highschool i kicked an unopened small milk carton and a kid and it exploded on him.

A kid I went to highschool with found a golf tee, He stood it pointy-end up and stepping on it as hard as he could, it went through his shoe and into his foot; he was then carried away to the ER.


My favorite so far. Hands down.


When I was 4 a kid in the playground asked me if i wanted to eat his biscuit, I said yes and started to eat it, then the actual owner of the biscuit saw me and started crying and told on me.

The next day I was taken up onto the stage at assembly in front of the whole school to teach everyone a lesson about stealing.

The head masyer explained how i had stole this other kids biscuit and as a punishment I must now give him my biscuit from my lunchbox.

I normally only got a crappy normal biscuit for lunch, and had been pestering my mum for one of these new chocolate Lion bars that had been on TV.

Low and behold when the teacher opened my lunch box there inside was the special treat from my mum, my first ever 'Lion bar'!
It still hurts to this day.

I remeber the feeling of injustice and being so upset that my explanations went unheard.

The look of joy on the other kids face as he got my lion bar in exchange for his crappy digestive still helps me train harder to this day (the little bastard)


After a very drunken New Years party at a big hotel my mate and his misses missed their ride home so me and my girl said they could stop in with us in our hotle room.

The girls went up and me & Ben kept drinking for a while. Eventually, armed with whatever alcohol we could get our hands on too, we also went up.

So, the girls had managed to make up a couple of beds and were already in there. Ben & I stripped off and were just about to get in with them when his misses asked if we'd brought any wine with us.

We hadn't and she threw a fit and kicked us out. Both totally naked we managed somehow to find some wine for her. Somehow we also managed to get a couple of large Scotch's at the hotel bar which we only found out about in the morning.

Apparently we also got told off for hiding under some tables near one of the elevators and jumping out on passers by.




My father? Only once.

He never came back though.

Thanks bro.

At 4-5 years old, I don't remember my state of consciousness but I can imagine my stubbornness to try and find him.


When I was about 11-12, my family went to Indiana to spend Christmas at my grandparent's house on Lake Wawasee. I had only been there during the summer before, so it was cool to see the boat channels and part of the lake actually frozen over(about 6-7 inches thick). Guys had their ice fishing shacks out on the ice, and one dude kept his sixer outside in the snow to keep it cold.

I decided-at the ripe old age of 12-that alcohol was Evil, and began dropping this dude's beer down an old ice hole. I had just dropped the last one when he came out for a refill. I walked away quietly, until he spied the plastic doohickey lying next to the hole.

When I was stationed in Guam(late 90s), 4 of my buddies shared a house with a shallow inground pool(about 4'). Everytime we had a party, we would make it a rule that no one could jump off the roof into the pool.

As soon as my buddy Justin had a beer or two(he was a lightweight), he would be up on the moss-covered roof(it grows on everything over there), jumping or diving into the pool. He only did it once wet...after slipping on the jump and barely clearing the concrete patio(his heels clipped the side), he decided that was enough.

I only jumped from the second floor balcony. I was gonna try the roof, but saw him slip and almost eat it.


Varqanir -- your post is the only time I've ever actually seen a real life use of the word "defenestrate," outside of somebody saying, "listen to what this bizarre word means!" Mazel tov. And, thank you.


In grade 10, while my parents were away, I invited someone over to my house, who invited other people over, who invited other people over. Eventually a bunch of guys came over and started doing coke in my basement. It was 4am, everyone else had left, and it was just me and the cokeheads. I went to bed, and the next morning one of them was passed out on the couch.

Now, this day was special, because I knew I was going to have sex for the first time with a girlfriend. My option was to be responsible, and stay with the passed out drug dealer until he left, or go have sex and leave a stranger in my house. I decided to do the latter, and came back laid, and with an empty house lol. Amazingly insurance did cover it.