T Nation

Going Insane from Side Effects, 2 Year Blast

My life is fucked. My Gf left me because my dick stopped working. Even though I was on 750mg test for 2 years.

Why am I not lowering my test dose? Because everytime I do so, my dick won’t stay hard if you pay it, so I just jump back on a blast 2-3 weeks after.

I’m fucked. I know. I abused this shit. Please help me. I’m starting to have suicidal thoughts.

I’m so scared of getting girls now. Like so scared. I just tried masturbating (I am 2 weeks into a cruise of 250mg test) and my dick could not stay hard for a second. My e2 is in range as well.

Is this normal? To come off a 2 year blast and have fucked up ED and no libido on a cruise?

Please fucking help. I’m seriously becoming suicudal.

Enhance your calm. You’ve pigeon holed yourself into this “I’m f’ed” situation that will likely resolve itself with patience. First… stop taking excessive amount of Test. Second… prepare yourself mentally for a period of recovery. Third… Get labwork! Fourth… start a proper PCT and then follow up with more labwork!!!

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Not much else to add… quit giving up at the 2 week mark lol

I’d love to see pictures of 2 years at those doses would do though

You say your E2 is in range, have you had it tested and verified or are you going off of feel? I have to agree with @blshaw patience and bloodwork will be your friend, although I am certain that is hard to understand at this moment.

Why don’t you come of the test and be natural?

Did stuff work then?

You ever run deca or NPP during those blasts?

Your E2 levels might be fucked up or your DHT levels, You need a complete hormone panel to see where you are. You probably need a good PCT like the others said and let yourself stabilize.

2 weeks into cruise without lab work? Yeah it’s normal. Takes time to balance out

Hey man, you got to know that libido and sexual function is an extremely labile thing. If you change your hormonal milieu, it’s gone. If you change your mental state, it’s gone. If you change your sleeping hours (being under-slept), it’s gone. If you change your diet (don’t eat enough), it’s gone. Even if you change your underwear it maybe gone.

So if you drop your Test dose your body needs Time to balance itself out. Libido is known to change for the better after more than 6 months on the same TRT dose (up to 200 mg per week, I should note).

So don’t stress yourself about that. You gotta be prepared for coming off and you gotta be prepared to take the feeling-shitty a while until your body recovers.

Then, if your GF left you, it could be because of your dick not working but it rarely is. Women stick with you through hard times if you show them through your attitude and through your words and actions that everything is going to be ok. Yes, they don’t like not having sex and they don’t like waiting years for you to get back on track, but usually they will wait weeks before pulling out of the relationship because of this. But I don’t want to make assumptions, I want to make a point: you gotta be strong mentally now. You gotta commit to going through the shit and not giving up. You gotta commit to getting back on track and you gotta commit to not worry. Not worrying is key in sexual function. You might think you’re fucked but you should always be of the opinion that you’re going to be ok. That’s important. Get your mind right.

A GF is not important. Maybe it was a sign that she wasn’t meant to be with you. Or maybe it was a sign that she doesn’t have your back. Don’t let it get to you. Your way is your way, she was along for the ride. You’ll get better and then there’s a better girl waiting for you.

Then masturbation. Nobody likes masturbating in your situation. Fuck it. You don’t need it. And you especially don’t need it to prove that your dick works. Then I would t get hard either.

You seem depressed to me, maybe you have the clinical symptoms. In that case, you got to maybe go to a doc and get something for that (important: nothing that crashes sexual function like SSRIs. I’d go for trazodone or tianeptine but that’s up to you and the doc) because it is very important for you and the world around you that you don’t kill yourself. That’s an absolute must that you don’t do that under any circumstances. I’ve seen it, I’ve seen the devastation it causes on the people you know, family, friends. You might think it’s better but it isn’t, it never is. So get that out of your head. Either through spiritual mental and emotional means or through a combination with that and medication and/or therapy. It is of extreme importance that you get that in check. Thoughts can come but you won’t give in.

If you now dropped your T dose to 200 mg, you must get bloods and you gotta have patience. It will get better.

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@lordgains- Well said!

Cialis or Viagra maybe?

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This is coming from someone who has been suicidal multiple times in my life…including one failed attempt at it, and recovered from it.

First, get professional psychological help, now. Right now. You are not thinking clearly. I do not doubt that you are feeling hurt/anger/desperation. You are most certainly suffering. But, you likely won’t realize the extent to which you are out of touch with reality until you have a trained professional help you see things from outside your own head. The biggest things I learned from trying to kill myself and surviving were:

  1. Your mind is flat out lying to you. DO NOT trust any of your thoughts right now.
  2. Life gets better, much better, after you get help. And life is sooooo worth living. the good times far outweigh the bad in the long run.

Second, when you are thinking more clearly, seek out the best-qualified doctor you can afford, to help you get feeling better again. Someone who specializes in men’s wellness, but definitely not a TRT mill. You need someone medically trained and experienced. Sharing advice on a forum is fun and useful, but your life is in danger right now and you need much more intensive, qualified care.

Lastly, I’ll say that if a woman left you, simply because you were having ED problems, you’re better off without her. Who wants to be with anyone who is going to run the second life gets hard?

Don’t rely on your own understanding of your situations. Get professional help. Best of luck and prayers for you man.

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Thanks for your amazing words. It is kind to hear from caring, understanding and empathetic people from you during these times.

I constantly try masturbating, and find my self unable to get hard, then I start panicking, and realize how BAD I NEED my ex girlfriend. No girl will ever want to be with a guy who has a soft dick.

This is why I jump back on blast. I run back to it every time I have this issue. And I’m tired of running. So FUCKING TIRED of running.

Also a question. If 250mg test puts me at high normal levels (came back at 870 on last blood test), why the need to lower it even more?

Neither help, nor do I want to stay on them for life.

I ran tren for 6 months straight.

Forget masturbating now. You stress yourself out, your Cortisol shoots up and you dig a deeper hole of anxiety and exhaustion.

I know a lot of people that are depressed (or exhausted or stressed out or burned-out, however you wanna call it. They show the important symptoms so they are depressed) and none of them get hard. Some say they cum in 30 seconds if they get hard. It is because sexual function is a complex process consisting of neurotransmitter and hormonal interplay. In depressed or exhausted or anxiety ridden people the neurotransmitter and the hormonal side are messed up so there are several problems in the chain which control erections, libido and orgasm. Women who are stressed out don’t get wet or have irregular menses and cycle. So you must not stress. Get some rest.
Do you sleep well?

Also, you don’t need your ex girlfriend. You want her but you don’t need her and especially not badly.
I know it’s a double whammy for you to handle right now as these things on their own can fuck one up, but you gotta try to relax and become a new and better version of you. You must be able to handle and carry yourself before you try to take on someone else.

The probability is very very high that this issue resolved in the next months. You gotta be strong as long as it isn’t good but know that it will be. Get the girl-getting out of your head a few weeks, it’s healthy and it will help you. There’s enough time in your life to chase the girls around. Focus on work and getting back on track for now. Focus on a regular schedule, where you go to bed and wake up every day the same time, this alone will do wonders for your psychological and emotional well-being.

If that’s how it is for you (peak and trough factored in) then alright. Stick with 250.
Do you want to come off completely? I’d probable delay the coming off completely a bit until you’re more stable emotionally and physically. So stay on (Self administered?) TRT for now, maybe try dialing it in.

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I think you just answered your own question Brother.

You might want to try adding Masteron to your cruise. Its a DHT derivative and may help restore what tren fucked up. I got ED from NPP and stopped immediately and Masteron helped me. In fact I run it as part of my cruise

Oh I must’ve overlooked that. Yes could be from Tren. Definitely a good idea to add masterone to the “TRT”

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How long have you been running Mast with TRT, dosage, pros and cons, sides?
Cheers

How long can you run it for? what’s the dosage and frequency?

I’ve been on it for at least a year, if not longer. I run 200 mg/week in 2 shots (with my test). For me, pros are better erections and libido, cons are probably increased cholesterol but I’m not sure since I was running Anavar during my last blood test. Either way, I’ve since added red rice yeast to help with cholesterol. Otherwise I feel great. In full disclosure, I’m 55.

@buzzlighter12

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