Recently I have been training a friend of mine, who is 19, and has just started lifting. I train him 3x/week, and he is 2 weeks in and doing well.
What's my point? Well, I train him at his college gym, and watching the people there has given me the opportunity to reevaluate where I want to go with my body. See, I used to be really fat, then I lost a lot of weight. I have never been really lean, and for the longest time I just wanted to be lean with a decent amount of muscle.
I've put on a few solid pounds the past couple months doing the Built for Show program, but I planned on leaning out in time for summer. This decision was fueled by the desire to be slim, to be sexually attractive to women, and to be able to comfortably take my shirt off in public.
But this has changed. I want to be big. Fuck, I want people to see me and decide it best to not mess with me. I am almost addicted to pain and hard work in the gym, and I want to put that to my advantage.
I am anal about what I eat, and have lost all my cravings for unhealthy foods. My sleep has improved markedly since starting Z-12 2 days ago. I feel that I have the tools to get somewhere.
I look around me and see weakness. I want to be the polar opposite. I am starting to love this sport more than the pussy. I just feel like it's time to really take this to the next level.
Photos, measurements, scale every 2 weeks. Tracking and adjusting my intake until the weight starts to move. Starting swimming lessons in March for the conditioning effect, and to counter fat gain.
This halfheartedness with regards to putting on size has got to stop. It's now or never and I guess I have to let go of the fear of becoming a fat bastard again, and if I am hideous, so be it. I'm either going to go into it full-force, or fritter away my time getting slightly smaller, slightly bigger, and nothing remarkable to show for my efforts.
I'm thinking along the lines of not cutting until I reach 200. I'm 5'7 now, 167 pounds at around 16%. (need to take new measurements etc).