T Nation

Going back to work with a woman whose rejection devastated me

January 2018 I started a new job, where a very attractive female member of the training staff took a liking to me and became flirtatious immediately. I did not reciprocate her advances, which in turn escalated to the point of being overtly sexual. Every time she would say something, I would just ignore her and act like it didn’t happen. In private I was always very superficially attracted to her, but kept it to myself because she was a co worker and I knew we weren’t a good match. She was very good at her job and we had a fantastic working relationship.

This pattern of her flirting and me ignoring it continued for 4-5 months until one night in late May she when she added me on FB and came on to me hard. She said the fact that I ignored her drove her crazy and made her desperate for my attention, and basically begged me to fuck her. I initially turned her down, the red flag there being pretty obvious, but she kept working on me for two weeks until I finally changed my mind and agreed to go out with her.

We dated casually for five weeks. We had some fun, but as I thought, didn’t mesh well in a romantic level. Our relationship revolves around work, and outside of that there was always a lot of friction between us. I don’t know why, but I still caught painfully strong feelings for her, which I kept to myself because I knew she was the less interested party. I made a ton of mistakes in dealing with her, including spending way too much damn time with her. There was nothing I wouldn’t blow off to be with her, and she must have picked up on it.

At five weeks, like a switch flipped, she shut me down overnight. She stopped texting first, became aloof at work, stop inviting me to hang out after. She never said we were done, but sent a stream of nasty signals; things like referring to us as “friends” and complaining to her girlfriends within earshot of me that she would be single for life. She would only socialize with me in a group setting, never alone. Like a chump, I stuck around and orbited her as a “friend,”pretending to accept a platonic relationship when I should have gotten the living fuck out of there. I wasn’t ready to accept that it was over even though I knew it was.

A few weeks after shutting me down, she shared in our group text that she had plans to hook up with someone else that night. A few weeks prior, she had made plans to spend that weekend with me; so she blew me off, replaced me in her sex plans and texted it where she knew I would read it. I was absolutely shattered.

Months later, I found out the guy she hooked up with was Johnny, another co-worker and close friend of hers whom I had believed was thoroughly friend-zoned and never considered a threat. I knew she was fond of him on a friendly level, but never thought in a million years that she’d be attracted to him. He whined to her about his problems and shit.

I finally decided to stop being a pussy little friend zoned bitch and cut contact. I also quit my job. I only saw her once more after that, when I stupidly agreed to accompany her to the hospital to visit a mutual friend, and it was a very uncomfortable encounter. We fell out via text the following day and that was the end of the relationship, five months ago.

Her rejection cut deep, and I was pretty screwed up for the first few months after, sat around pining and plotting ways to get back with her. At this point, I’m not carrying a torch for her anymore and have accepted that there’s no coming back from this. Our relationship is dead and buried and I’ll never see or hear from her again… unless I go back where she is.

I got a new job, but it’s much further away, and offers fewer hours, so I’m losing a lot of money by avoiding that bitch. I’m a few months away from being ready, but it would be in my best interest to go back to my old job.

If I do go back, what should be my strategy for dealing with her be? This woman ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped on it. I wish we could go back to our old working relationship before things crossed over into IRL (minus the flirting), but I feel like we can’t. I am NOT comfortable working directly with her again and do NOT want a platonic relationship with her period.


  1. Put up a wall and refuse to deal with her period. Tell her straight up not to talk to, disclose everything to management, and tell them to keep us separated.

  2. Deal with her in a strictly professional manner, but tell her we can only talk if it’s work related.

  3. Let her talk to me, but be an aloof acquaintance and never give her attention. Just treat her like every other co worker I don’t give a damn about.

5 posts were merged into an existing topic: Have You Ever Beta Orbited a Girl