He has the 3rd most listened to radio talk show. Now he is on Headline News in the evening. A mix of humor and comments on world events.
So here?s the thing?I know that my sculpted, shredded physique may lead you to believe otherwise, but I don?t like going to the gym. Actually, it goes way beyond not liking, because only a crazy person would like going to a place that charges you a hundred and fifty bucks a month to use sweat-covered machines. More accurately, I don?t like the whole concept of ?the gym.?
Look, I?d be fine with health clubs if they were filled with lumpy, misshapen blobs of goo like myself. They aren?t?but bowling alleys are (anyplace where you can technically play a ?sport? while simultaneously eating cheese fries is aces with me?here?s to you my band of bowling alley brothers!). Instead, gyms are usually filled with people who look like they joined some other gym ahead of time just to get into good enough shape to join my gym. I don?t need a guy wearing bike shorts and a mesh tank top?running at level 392 on the treadmill while singing along to a house music remix of Donna Summer?s greatest hits?to make me feel bad about myself. That?s what my fat pants are for. Plus, gyms smell like a public pool–even when they don?t have a pool–and that gives me the creeps.
Lastly, I like chocolate. And pie. And stuff that?s fried. And chocolate pie that?s fried. Like I said this week on the radio show?we?re just days away from sweater weather and months of wearing layer upon layer of belly-hiding woolens. Fall and winter are a time of year when a man can indulge himself, knowing full well that the blindingly white sight of his bulbous midriff is a long way away from public view. And if that?s not both reason enough to not join a gym and a darn inspiring note to end on, I don?t know what is. Eat your heart out Richard Simmons. Me, I?m gonna? have a Dove Bar?