T Nation

Giving a Guy Your Phone Number Without Him Asking?


I’m sorry this didn’t pan out. I know it doesn’t make hurt any less, but at least you don’t have much invested at this point. There is nothing worse for a female than being some guys “back up” plan.


I hope everyone knows how much I truly appreciated all of the advice I received in this thread! You guys are amazing :two_hearts:


You’re amazing.

Chin up bro, keep on keeping on.


What exactly did he say?

Also as an aside, dont take a guy back to your place on the first date again -if ‘awkward/nice’ girl sends too many mixed messages


Didn’t you start this whole thing off by explicitly asking to be friends? So you basically friend zoned him from the start.


As I’ve said before, you deserve better than this.

However, if you want to do something, find something specific to do. Find a glass blowing class or something that would be unsual and fun.

Another option is to enjoy your life, go out and find things to do. I like to use Groupon for this. Find good deals and things that you wouldn’t expect. I found a glass blowing class a while back that I went to. I was amazed at how much fun it was. I even made a few friends there.

I strongly believe people will treat you how you let them. Probably why I don’t have many friends. But, I find things to enjoy by myself.


Breaking news :

He initiated a message last night
Oye , I swear they have a radar for when you’ve given up


Ok well when we were on our date we made up get -to-know-you games. Well, he did, I sucked at it, lol . So I said
" So I dunno if you ever wanna hang out again, I mean you dont have to or it could be 2020, but I have a new game idea"
He said
" wow, lol, 2020 huh"
I said " well I didnt want you to feel pressured or rushed **smiley face shit "

Then he stopped answering
Oh but when I invited him over I said "in a non slutty way you could come over "
So yes, I’m horrible socially , but my point was made


Yes but it was obvious I was romantically interested. I didnt friendzone him, I just did a poor job flirting. I def dont think he feels friendzoned


Very good advice. Also consider that hanging out too much with someone, especially when you dont know them that well and one, or both, of you are a little awkward or not necessarily that confident socially, can lead to you running out of things to talk about, awkward silences and lead to things fizzling out unnecessarily early. Stay cool, chill a little and have some patience. .


Yes, very good point .

Though, in all honesty, I dont think I’ve ever run out of something to say in my entire life, lol.

My brain has a tendency to be a little on the manic side :slight_smile:


Maybe he is unsure about how interested you are?

Sometimes men can be a little stupid and although you think you are being obvious maybe he Just needs it very clear and simple, especially if he hasn’t had much luck with woman in the past.

Maybe he has reservations about entering a relationship and is just unsure and not wanting to push too fast too soon, which from your point of view may seem like he is uninterested.

Maybe despite his confident front he really hasn’t got a clue what to do with woman. He would not be the only man to not have a clue.

You will regret it if you don’t try a little harder, just keep initiating and maybe he will get a bit more comfortable and take the lead a bit more. I don’t think it’s dead yet.


This could be a possibility , sometimes he says stuff that makes me think he doesn’t believe it or something .

Like for example

  • so training for this job is a very long process , and we’re at the point where a few people (including him) are going to listen in to us and give us tips on how to improve our calls.
    I said I was nervous to have him behind me like that and I would get flustered .
    He made it more general like I would get flustered with anyone doing it
    No , dude , like you would make me blush.
    But it was still like any of them would make me have this response
    I told him one time he walked behind and I got distracted and it took me a minute to get back on track with my call
    He again made it a general thing like I would get distracted by anyone walking behind me

G dammit, no , that’s not my point. !!


I will admit when I was younger I was probably way too slow on the uptake. Even if I suspected a girl liked me I still hesitated and would back out of making a move initiating just because I wasn’t confident enough, despite being a very confident person in every other situation.

I think you may have to be a bit more straight up on this one.

Something like, “I really enjoyed our time together the other night, I think your great and I’m very attracted to you. I would love to get to know you better so do you want to come (activity of your choice) this Saturday?”

Then if he attends and things are going well just bloody kiss him.


I’m not sure why people are recommending that Spock reallllllllly makes sure he knows she likes him. He knows! She’s told him, her friend has told him. Also, and this is the main thing, things are going very well. THINGS ARE GOING VERY WELL. It’s time to stop trying to solve the problem of what to do to attract him, and slow down and enjoy a budding relationship. It may work and it may not, but it definitely will not if the relationship is manipulated by committee.

It’s a two week old relationship - it should be slow and occasional. It’s going fine!


I guess you haven’t bought a hat for the wedding then :slight_smile:


So, you’re normal. Pretty sure this is why G-d invented alcohol. And why people drink a bit on dates.


He’s in a tricky situation there. A better understanding of it makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and I’m not even there.

Also, after years of conversing with my wife, who has managed a solid handful of bpo campaigns and on boarded thousands of people, what he’s saying sounds both correct and appropriate.


yes, absolutely what I was thinking.

and also this.

Spock, a large part of me thinks, based on this thread and others from the past, that you probably come across as a) guarded and b) potentially uninterested in more-than-friends.

When I’m on a date, I’m constantly looking for cues, whether it’s physical or verbal, that will tell me if the girl is into me in a dating kinda way. I’ve had dates that I really enjoyed, had great conversation, was attracted to the girl, and that I also never pursued because they felt like they were just that, that’d I’d made a new friend. And that’s generally not the path I’m trying to go down. Oftentimes, I’ll make physical or verbal gestures to indicate my own interest towards a girl, so that she has an opening to return the flirting. But if your guy here isn’t self aware enough to open that door himself, then it’s very possible that he didn’t see flirting, even though that’s what you were trying to do.

I just feel very strongly that this guy is attracted to you based on your initial interactions, and that he also had a great time on your first date. He wouldn’t have invested that kind of time if he didn’t. It really sounds like you’re both a couple of awkward people who can’t figure out how to flirt with each other, lol.


I’m going to give an example of this from my “first date” with current wife.

Again, we went through analog online dating. We were both ready to date someone seriously, told our parents, and we (separately) arranged for the services of a matchmaker. You have a list of demographic stuff – family, education, job, personality, and some pictures. My matchmaker called her matchmaker (or vice versa, I don’t know) and went through possible hits in their files. They talk to our parents and people who know us and decided we might be a good match.

I was a weird match, in that I was a widower, someone older, but very fit and looked much younger than I am. But also a successful lawyer with a good family. She was also a bit of a weird match: older for a first marriage, one failed engagement (red flag), finishing medical school and a driven professional (which is not a great thing in a traditional Haredi family, for a female). The matchmakers thought we would be a good match. Our respective families respected each other and thought we would be a good match. I looked at her file; she at mine.

Anyway, the process could not be any more awkward.

And we couldn’t have been any more awkward.

We met in a very public place. A large hotel lobby, to be specific. Ordered tea. Had very stilted conversation. Boring, even. I was ready to throw in the towel.

Out of the blue, I asked if she would like a glass of wine (kind of bad form). She said “yes.” She added four shots of tequila (two each) to the order.

We proceeded to have a lovely visit. We talked about people we mutually hated, which is a great way to start a friendship.

We did this a couple more times, then agreed to get engaged, whereupon we had a proper dating experience, and got married.

Now, four kids later, I believe she’s decided to keep me.