T Nation

Giving a Guy Your Phone Number Without Him Asking?


I asked him out for drinks in the future and he literally suggested in an hour hha which is a good sign yes, but some bad signs !!
He didnt try to hug me or sit very close to me at all
He hasnt messaged me today
Am I friendzoned ?
I’ve done everything so far, I cannot do the date follow up too !!


Regardless of what happens from here, you have made progress from a personal growth perspective, so congrats!


72 hour rule…


Hard to say, but he might have been playing it safe. By safe I mean that once you close that personal/intimate touch distance, things change.

Especially with a woman I’m attracted to, those little touch and snuggle things are really hard to resist reciprocating. Then escalating. Then everything else.


This isn’t necessarily bad, Spock. It’s entirely possible he’s not wanting to rush things or escalate too quickly, like @SkyzykS said. Workplace romances are delicate situations, even without the current climate, and it’s quite possible he’s moving slowly and learning before leaping. Time will tell. Enjoy the nice times for what they are and try to squeeze out the patience needed for good things to unfold :slight_smile: )


Okay, thanks for the reassurance guys :blush:


I agree, it’s normal and hopefully reflective of patience, caution, and respect rather than lack of interest.


Guys don’t friendzone girls.

Guys don’t stay at a girls place until 2 am unless they want to be there.

Guys who have to have the girl ask them out usually lack confidence and will be hesitant to make physical contact.

I think you’re all good, just gotta be patient with him, sounds like he is timid.


He just seems so laid back and confident all the time.
I really dont know what to think at this point to be honest .

Le sigh


Could this be the fabled Alpha-Beta?


Yes so nothing make sense

He doesnt iniate messages, but when I do he responds right away and keeps the conversation going
He didnt ask me out, but when I did he suggested to meet right away
He suggested continuing to hang out after we left the restaurant at midnight knowing there was zero possibility of sex
Hell, we probably would have hung out all night if I didnt seem so tired , he only left for my sake .

But he initiates nothing. He hasnt messaged me at all since then .
Maybe he really enjoyed himself , but then thought about it further and has since decided against me.
Either way, we wont talk unless I message him again, and I’ve already done the follow up and I dont really want to do anymore chasing


How confident are we that he plays for the same team?


I’m confident enough to say i’m 100 percent sure he’s straight.


While I don’t think many guys would mind getting handed a woman’s digits on the fly, asking him out for coffee is a much better option and like you said Spocks, it’s a good opportunity to get your number in there as well. It’s less… in your face, I really need a man type of deal. You got this OP, don’t stress!

Edit-Oops, fashionably late to the party as usual, lol. I should really read the whole thread first. It’s a good thing he’s laid back and confident, sounds like a decent guy to me.


Personally, I think it’s going beautifully. I totally get why you’d back off and let him do some initiating, but I wouldn’t worry one bit about the pace. He sounds laid back and confident to me, not at all gay. Maybe give it a day or two and see what happens, but if you do that I’d find a way to pass by with a cheery “hi!” during work so he doesn’t start thinking you’ve backed off because you changed your mind about him.


then he’s good at hiding his insecurity. the fact that he jumped at the chance to hang out immediately tells you everything. don’t over-analyze it. everything waittz said is absolutely true.

some guys really suck at making moves. you’ve said he seems like an awesome dude. Have you asked yourself why he’s single? Maybe this is why. So, that’s good news for you.

that’s unfortunate, if you really like him. that would be a poor reason for things not going any further.

about a year ago, I was not interested in getting into a relationship. I was completely content with being single. I had only been divorced for about a year, I had a 3 year old son at home, I was enjoying work during the day, training in the evening and playing with my son at night. I was also very patient, and would have totally been down for a night like the one you described. Well, a girl came around who decided she knew what she wanted, and what she wanted was for me to be her boyfriend. Wasn’t really on my radar. But, she was the one who followed up after our first date saying she wanted to see me again soon, she kept pushing for me to pick a day that worked, she was the one who asked me if I would date her exclusively, etc. We’re still together.

Sometimes, guys just aren’t going to make the moves you want them to make, so if it’s something you really want to pursue, you might need to make it happen yourself. Some guys appreciate that, especially guys who are busy/preoccupied with other things in their life (that was me).

Just some thoughts!


In addition to what Flip just said:

Relationships take time to develop. You hung out a few days ago, don’t try and rush to hanging out daily. Once a week hangouts would be normal to me, chatting 2-3 times. It’s so early in the relationship, you’re at the casual part of it. It may take a few more hangouts until an official date happens. Don’t rush it. I’m married now, but if I was just starting something, I certainly wouldn’t be texting constantly or trying to spend every moment. Let it develop at ‘its’ pace.


This entire thread is dedicated to you being unsure of yourself and awkward … NOW you’re confident??

Consider the possibility Spock that your gaydar may just need to be readjusted…


This is so exactly true. Patience, Grasshopper.


Considering how past relationships you’ve described have gone for you, perhaps this all being new and uncertain and confusing is a good thing.