T Nation

Giving a Guy Your Phone Number Without Him Asking?

Spock has experienced some of this “metoo crap” first hand. Finish your rant in PWI.


Just my .02, but my last few dates have all been initiated by the women. Either because I’s afeared to ask them out, or I’m being considerate and not wanting to come on too strong, lol.

Anyway, I like being asked out.

1 Like

Great, little man, then she should already know that she has to be the person who makes the first move.

Calling fellow member “little man”


At first I thought he was calling him “the bomb”, but that would require being fat man or little boy.


Nope, she doesn’t have to. She can, but fortunately, not every man is wallowing in anger and self-pity about not being able to freely sexually harass women. I can’t think of anything more “little” than hijacking a thread that a woman created because she’s excited about actually feeling feelings without a fear of being put down, to whine that some people think men are evil.


this comes across as projection to me. You don’t know him outside of the work environment, correct? So, you don’t actually know any of these things about him. You THINK that’s him, perhaps that’s what he projects.

You know what would be a good way to find out if that’s really what he’s like? Ask him out for coffee. Has anyone suggested that yet?

But yea, as has been mentioned…

it will. you absolutely cannot rely on the excitement/giddiness lasting, even if it’s mutual, which it actually seems to be.

You’re a cool girl, and you’re attractive. He’s clearly interested, because he asked if you’re single. He wouldn’t have done that if he wasn’t interested. But the only way you can ensure that a move is made is if you make it. If he’s as good a dude as you hope/think he is, he’ll respond positively, and may even appreciate your forwardness. I know I would. I also know the version of me who used to be afraid to approach girls would be extra appreciative.

Give it a shot! And I hope it goes well, you’re awesome!


Gee, thanks flip!! :slight_smile:

[[quote=“thefourthruffian, post:60, topic:250511, full:true”]

No. Ask him for coffee today.

First off, this will get stale fast.

Second, men, especially men in the workplace, are rightfully scared to make the first move (or the second or the third). As noted by others, workplace dating is fraught with danger. But it is especially dangerous for men, who are presumed evil, horrid, people in all such proceedings.

So unless you make the first move, he might not. Indeed, he probably will not. And, no, this does not make him a pussy (which is what I would have said 2 years ago). Law and culture and “metoo” over-reaction has simply changed the rules. It’s going to make for a lot of lonely people.

Not to hijack your thread, but I was the worst cad I ever met, but marriage and the metoo crap has made it so where I don’t even talk to women at the workplace. They want a mentor? Look elsewhere.

Funny, I must be in the minority, but I don’t read TTR’s post this way, at all.

Excepting his course language, I agree that there has been a over-reaction to sexual harassment accusations against men, which are now presumed true, no matter how innocent the approach or how absurd the accusation.

So, it’s reasonable to assume that a normal man in a workplace environment would not make any romantic approach without a notarized affidavit, written in triplicate, for permission to approach.

Long way of saying, I think Spock needs to be the one to invite her potential suitor to coffee.

Of course, again, I come from a sub-set of society where something like 65% of marriages are arranged* and forbids me to be alone in a closed room with a female not in my immediate family, so what do I know?

  • No, this does not mean we have no choice. A match is made, all parties must agree, and then you date to see if it will work out.

Exactly this. I was always a pretty forward guy with women before I was married. I would NEVER ask a woman out from work now. NEVER. There are too many other places to meet them that don’t have the potential to land me in front of HR because of an “unwelcome advance.”


I don’t think so. He’s interested. Find the courage and go for it.

“Once you’ve got a task to do, it’s better to do it than live with the fear of it.” - Logen Ninefingers


The Bloody Nine! Excellent reference

I agree with above, next time you are messaging/or in person and he asks a question, say something like: “ohhh that’s a long story, we’ll have to get a coffee for me to answer that.”

Then… schedule the coffee date.


Then… when you meet him for coffee, be sure to wear tight yoga pants, you know the ones that are kinda see-thru? oh - and a tube top.

High heels would be a nice touch too - imo~

hope that helps!!

JK - love you spokieGurl~




Nice one :point_up:

1 Like

Congratulations. Nice work on this one.

PS. You signed up for a full debrief as part of starting this thread.


Hi everyone!

I had so much fun!!! We went to a restaurant and I let myself have a minuscule amount of wine and sweet potato fries and then he came over and we played Mario party. I laughed so much all night . He left at 2am so I’ll assume he enjoyed himself too because that’s a very late time to finally try to push an escape. :laughing:
He was a perfect gentleman, and we learned a lot about each other. I rate it 9.7665 out of ten.

Now I guess I have to wait for the next day, that was fun message ??


Glad to hear you had an awesome date spockie!

1 Like

Did you ask him out, or did he ask you?

1 Like