T Nation

Giving a Guy Your Phone Number Without Him Asking?

and don’t forget to PIIHP


uhh update
i was too scared to talk to him all day and did strange things like knock shit over and get in his way and i yelled hi in his face so ya this is going really well


Strong move, shows you’re not intimidated by him or his belongings.


Wild. Couldn’t be bothered to read the whole thread, but I’ll list points of interest:

  1. Conventionally… yeah, it’s the dudes job, and the older I get, the more aggressively aligned with that I am.
    1B. Alternatively, I’m in an unconventional relationship. By all rights neither one of us asked eachother out, my chick came over one day and just kind of never left… 8 years ago.

  2. Work is a big deal. Couple factors: is that job your career? If so, I’d say hell no. I’m a firm believer in keeping home away from work as much as possible. That aside, is there a inter-work relationship policy? If so, are you willing to roll the dice on that?

  3. Is he interesting, or just prime breeding material?

  4. I’m down for the coffee deal. Its fool proof. The worst he can say is no, and you dont have to deal with soul crushing awkward aftermath. …maybe just the soul crushing part, less awkward though.

  5. Take everything everyone is saying with a grain of salt. Take information, but process it on your own time. I decided to sleep with my exes friend almost immediately after we broke up, not conventional, not well thought of, got told I was an idiot for months. But we’re in a great spot, my ex is dating my friend, life moved on. Not a single person would have recommended that path, but it worked.

…but seriously, do be careful with the work aspect. That’s a sketchy twist that’s always hard to work around.

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It is a career , but like I said I’ll be work from home so I dont see any of it mattering that much, regardless of the outcome.

There are a lot of couples in the company, and even just in my department. The only thing they dont allow is two people working from home, but that’s not the situation here.

As far as prime breeding material, no. I like him because he’s funny and he fascinates me. He’s not flashy or materialistic. He’s the opposite of the shitty human who I was involved with before. Not self absorbed, not a ladies man, or a fuck boy. Just a normal looking, decent guy who I find incredibly sexy .

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I don’t know why I feel I need to say this but for some reason, I do: Please don’t punch or kick this guy.


Oh I also feel its important for me to note that it’s an extreme rarity for me to develop crushes , especially these days.
I’ve liked maybe 3 people in the past ten years, and the last one ruined me.
I’m not the kind of person who would like a bunch of dudes at once , I dont think theres anything wrong with it, it’s just never been my personality.

Its hard to shrug off crushes when you develop them so seldomly .

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Thought I would share my evening. I went out to dinner with a woman from my yoga class. There is a strong physical attraction. While this was a first date, we have hung out together on other occasions. She invited me to dinner for New Year’s Eve a few weeks ago, and that morphed into dinner out, back to her place for dessert and to ring in the New Year. I was anxious because I had no idea what to expect.

Well, she’s sick, has a sore throat, so the New Year’s Eve kiss was on the cheek. And we ended up talking and getting to know each other.

That was it, and it was pretty great. I’m really looking forward to seeing her again.

I had blown it out of proportion, New Year’s Eve, her place for desert, etc… Turned out to be two adults talking.

I guess the message is that it’s just coffee, no need to stress. I get that you like him, and hope that he likes you. But if not, hey, wasn’t meant to be.



There was a woman at a place I worked that used to walk into the production plant with me every morning, then to her office (she was management. I’m just a minion.). Then about an hour later she would come back and watch me operate the crane and fit up the big things we made. Eventually we talked a little bit because I thought she was doing a time study or some kind of analysis, but she wasn’t. Then one day she brought me donuts, and never came back.

If both of us weren’t married I’d have definitely liked to have lunch and stuff with her.

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So I dont know if this is a mess or whatever but here :

So my best friend and co worker talked to him yesterday because he was cleaning up empty desks around her and she said
"Do you know someone has a crush? "
He said "I think I have an idea "
She asked if someone told him and he said no I have an idea because of events that happened here.
She said “ok that’s all I’m going to say just dont be a jerk”
He said ok
I dont know if this means I dont have to do anything anymore because he knows for sure ?
She said he was smiling , if he didnt like that I was interested would he have tried to make that known to her??
He certainly didnt avoid me after this exchange with her , tbh he seemed friendlier but idk, I’m crazy so my perception on things is often inaccurate.

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That sounds really hopeful! I think you should go for the coffee or, better yet, a lunch invitation, but mostly because I’m all about ending uncertainty. If there’s a diner, pizza, or burger place near work I’d ask him if he wants “to grab a pizza” or whatever, because A) coffee makes me jittery, which isn’t helpful when I’m nerved up and I’m guessing you’d probably have similar energy-management issues, and B) because it gives you something to do as well as to talk about (“that burger looks really good”). You could even ask if he wants to grab a pizza/burger after work. It’s nice and casual, and doesn’t come off as a formal date/dinner invitation to me.

But I do think you’d be okay not doing anything, given that he’s been very plainly told, so can act on it or not.



I miss @EmilyQ, so wise.

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The balls in his court it seems. He knows you like him now for sure, so you could play it passive mode and wait for his advance, or the more aggressive approach and just mention the coffee. You don’t really have much to lose anymore, the truth is out.

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This. Wait for the prey!

Not really kidding, it’s a good strategy…just don’t refer to him as prey.

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You handled that splendidly. In any situation when speaking to someone you need to be crystal clear with what you’re trying to say. All the time every time.

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We are now messaging back and fourth on messenger.

Without delay !!


Don’t let this go for too long without meeting face-to-face.


But I should still wait for him to suggest something now ??
Ahhhhh I hope he asks me out!!!

His messages are so long and detailed and filled with questions and funny comments !!
He converses ! Wow, this is such a breath of fresh air compared to the one word answerst that I was previously getting . :slight_smile:

He also made sure near the beginning of our convo that I was single, so that’s a good sign!!


No. Ask him for coffee today.

First off, this will get stale fast.

Second, men, especially men in the workplace, are rightfully scared to make the first move (or the second or the third). As noted by others, workplace dating is fraught with danger. But it is especially dangerous for men, who are presumed evil, horrid, people in all such proceedings.

So unless you make the first move, he might not. Indeed, he probably will not. And, no, this does not make him a pussy (which is what I would have said 2 years ago). Law and culture and “metoo” over-reaction has simply changed the rules. It’s going to make for a lot of lonely people.

Not to hijack your thread, but I was the worst cad I ever met, but marriage and the metoo crap has made it so where I don’t even talk to women at the workplace. They want a mentor? Look elsewhere.


I say don’t mess about, get riding him soonest. If he’s not up for that then hes probably bent and you could invite him to go dress shopping together.