Giving a Guy Your Phone Number Without Him Asking?

Look Spock, I’ve been saying it for almost this entire thread, and so have a few others, this guy just seemed lame from the jump off…You have yet to post any interaction with him that was redeeming

3 Likes

No messages back

And I feel super stupid because at the end of our convo I sent a few messages because I didnt know it was the end of our convo lol. We were messaging back and fourth so I sent like 3 messages so each one wasn’t super long and idk.

I feel dumb . I hate being ignored if you couldn’t tell lol

I agree with polo77j, most of your confusion has been caused by your tendency to look inward. You’re so busy being critical of yourself, you’re not capable of properly evaluating him. I have a bad feeling that if he starts coming on to you again you will be head over heels again.

2 Likes

This one? Based on her attire I’d say she seems a little inexperienced but that’s just me.

Yes , that is typically the norm for me. I doubt he will come after me again though

If he’s constantly asking Spock about her interest in buff men at the gym, then I think it’s as you folks are saying- he’s horribly insecure about himself in relation to those supposed buff men at the gym.

Probably is really confused why you’re into him and doesn’t believe what you say, I’d wager.

Maybe he’s trying to use Spock to meet buff men

6 Likes

Bingo

I vote he is a cuck.
Ask him if he wants to watch you bang big muscly guys

Your evaluation of what type of bloke he is will be answered after his response

2 Likes

No response, is a response. Always!

1 Like

Ok he messaged me

He asked how my day was. I said I felt stupid for being ignored. He acted like he didnt know what I meant.
I said I sent many messages and you didnt reply and therefore I felt ignored. And when I feel ignored I feel stupid . And I also feel like punching things .
I said if you didn’t know how to reply you could have said you’re not my type or you’re not what I’m looking for. But that should also include that I’m awesome lol

He said I am an awesome girl and I have a lot of qualities that some people might be looking for. He said he enjoyed going out for drinks, hanging out and watching TV. And if I couldn’t tell he enjoyed the sex. But that I’m a very scheduled person, and he is not. He said I also push for a relationship too quickly and he thought we were just starting as friends.

I said we are friends and I dont need a relationship right now, but maybe I just need to know if theres potential for one. I get into patterns of things where I like the person and they just want sex. I get paranoid. I said i would be cautious to do it again if you dont see me as someone you’d ever want to be with in the future .

He didnt really say yes or no either way. He just basically repeated that he really did enjoy spending time with me.
I said my schedule is an anxiety coping mechanism, not a death sentence.
It seemed like my schedule was the only thing he could bring up about me not being what he was looking for.
Then we talked about other things .
My ass and how he wanted to make a move the first night .

So anyway, idk.

Wtf is wrong with a schedule you crazy men?! My ex hated that too.
It’s just a fucking calendar with my workout routine and massages , lol , jesus

I just wanted to say about this that it got an actual chuckle out of me.

Either Emily has gone AWOL or this is going to be one Mammoth reply

2 Likes

I don’t think it’s the schedule thing, I think it’s the second, the pushing, and all of the advice you’ve gotten in here that hasn’t been “dump him” (but again, analogize this to weight lifting and think about people who say “fuck that, quit” when you’re starting a workout program and getting frustrated) has been to slow down, don’t worry about what he’s thinking, worry about you - but not in the obsessive, “do I suck?” way, in the “am I having fun? does he smell good?” way.

I had a conversation with someone who’s come out of a bad marriage. Second insecure husband, and this guy was an asshole. Dishonest, unfaithful, etc. So she’s dating now and has done a lot of work on her self-esteem, and she was reporting back that dating is the most fun ever. She went out with a critical dud and talked about sitting there, listening to him and sort of laughing on the inside, where before, she’d have started making herself fit his wants. She also said that she’s always gone into relationships because someone else liked her. Now she’s looking for someone SHE likes and respects. And she should. She’s great, the whole package. As you are.

You are still too focused on him. He’s saying “sure, I like you” but he’s not able to make promises. I’ve been there. When I was less healthy I would have polited myself right into a relationship with someone who pushed as hard as you are. Now I’d run.

But why are you pushing him to identify what he is and isn’t looking for in a long term relationship in the first month of seeing each other? You have to relax - this is what’s stopping you getting what you want, because it isn’t your character or your body or any of the usual issues. You’re a girl guys marry, but something is interfering with the process. It’s your insecurity, not your schedule. If the schedule is a deal at all it may be because you talk about it (fine) and when they question it (“omg, you really do that??”) instead of treating it lightly (“I try to!”) maybe you feel attacked and get defensive.

Once you’ve gotten the insecurity under control you won’t give a shit what they think about your schedule. Are you someone you like? Someone you respect? If so, you should be focused on looking for someone you can also feel that way about. You’re not looking for a shitty relationship, you’re looking for a good one. So whether they like you or not becomes a non-issue because you want someone who wants you just as much. You can’t try to identify this right as you start. It has to come over time.

Have you considered that you probably don’t even know him? That your questions are about about you, not him? You should be exploring his views of himself right now,* not his views of you.

*At this stage of a relationship, not this guy specifically.

6 Likes

Ha! Am I not as mysterious as I thought I was?

I was waiting for your reply because I figured you’d say the exact same thing I was about to, only you’d put it more eloquently. I was correct.

1 Like

I want to add that lots of people have a rigid schedule. In fact, everyone who manages to hold down a job and work out in any kind of serious way. Don’t apologize for it. And again, consider that people are just commenting because it’s not standard. That doesn’t make it shocking or upsetting. I read a lot, or did before the internet sucked me in. At one time 3-4 books a week. People expressed surprise. It wasn’t negative and it wasn’t necessarily positive - it was just mild surprise. They do the same thing when I describe how much I eat, or they see it. I am unapologetic, because so what? And beyond a comment or two, they don’t care. It might turn weird if I got upset and defended it, and especially if I attributed it to mental health issues. Don’t pathologize yourself! You’re fine. They’re probably just making conversation.

The system wants me to stop serial-posting. So I guess I’ll get ready and go to work. lol

1 Like

I don’t think I ever intentionally tried to push for a relationship.

He is the one that asked me what I was looking for .
All I wanted was some reassurance that we were on the same page about anything, because he wasnt the best at communicating.

I have a hard time just looking at actions without words. I know it should be the other way around , but it’s not for me.

For example, my head knew he was super into the sex and would want to do it again, and also that I was probably far more fit than people he had been with previously. But because me brain lies to me constantly, if I tell myself he digs me, I’ll call it bullshit

So then I ask for reassurance, because I want to confirm things, or to tell my brain it’s being an asshole. The words are on the table, I need them there .
Anxiety is so dishonest. I always need the words coming from another to silence myself .

That I know is not healthy , that I know I must work on. He cant fix that.

But I wasnt asking for much. I wasnt asking for him to call himself boyfriend. I wasnt asking for a relationship. I just wanted some inkling of his interest level because he was going back and fourth

The ultimate brush off.

That’s because he wants the option of a booty call. Ya know, just in case he can’t find somebody without a schedule.

4 Likes

From what I remember you’re been on these boards about as long as I have - we can read you like a book (or like all your posts … which tend to be at book length) :slight_smile:

@Spock81 I started to reply wrt to this portion of your post but this sums up what I was going to say. If Cory has an issue with someone who organizes their time, then I’d question how he organizes HIS time (or does he?). I have been immensely more successful since embarking on formulating and maintaining a schedule - both in my personal and professional life.

I have no qualms with people who don’t do that at all, it’s their prerogative, but I also tend to not take them seriously when they say they “want to do ”.

I’ve always envied people who can do this…

Buck the system Emily.

Self acceptance can go a long way with this stuff.

A book I really liked (may have to give it a once over again) is this:
https://www.walmart.com/ip/The-Spirituality-of-Imperfection-Storytelling-and-the-Journey-to-Wholeness/708241801?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=10223&adid=22222222228244742858&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=m&wl3=289918322792&wl4=pla-493418718148&wl5=9005897&wl6=&wl7=&wl8=&wl9=pla&wl10=120816808&wl11=online&wl12=708241801&wl13=&veh=sem&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI-Nqv6ceE4AIVx7rACh0gYAFhEAQYBSABEgL4q_D_BwE

Good easy read, but it gives you a lot to reflect and chew on.

2 Likes