Fuck seriously why am I so undatable?
This has been the same shit over and over for more than 12 years.
I’m fuckable
Never datable
EVER !!!
Arghrhehkdkakwjfnkf
I’m sure you’re date-able … did you ever think maybe your taste in men is fucking god-awful?
I read this earlier and decided not to comment, but fuck it. No quality guy over the age of 23 would ever use this “guy card” bullshit as an excuse to be an indecisive pussy and it’s certainly unacceptable for him to (seemingly - we only really have one side of the story here - I’m assuming you’re being forthcoming with all the information you can) act this way and claim “I’m just a guy” - that’s a bitch-ass “excuse”.
This dude seems like a man-boy who seemingly treats people as objects of his amusement - it’s time you lose his number.
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I know my taste is awful.
I’ve actually talked to my shrink about this because I kept picking loser men with drinking problems and she brought up my father. I said well my dad is very responsible and I’ve never seen him drink so he has nothing to do with this, but then she asked if he was emotionally available.
I was like uh, he has never told me he loved me, I’ve never seen him kiss my mom, and I’ve never seen him Express any emotion other than irritability.
So here I go again only picking men who are completely emotionally unavailable
But how the fuck does this keep happening when I dont know this fact until I’ve become involved ?! Like I have a sensor that points me in the direction of all the least emotionally available men.
G DAMn
Hulk smash
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Maybe you DO know this and that feeling you get from these men is what attracts you (initially) to them? Like, for instance, this dude played it aloof from the get go - red flag, right? Your friend straight up told him you liked him and he was like “yea I’m aware” - and he did nothing? I’d say be a little more insightful and thoughtful wrt revealed preferences and personality traits from potential boyfriends … it seems you might get a little too infatuated to be able to really assess their personalities, or a little to focused on certain aspects that you like while discounting the aspects that are red flags…be honest with what you see and with yourself
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He can make this statement entirely truthfully without him being interested in said relationship with you. It’s a general statement not specific.
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Maybe reverse the order you do those in? You might not have a higher strike rate for good guys, but you’ll definitely have a better strike rate for avoiding the losers.
Appreciate that sounds judgey, it’s not supposed to be and I obviously don’t know how.any of your previous relationships have gone, but needless to say I was shocked when I found out, after following your perspective of this ‘relationship’, that you’d slept with him already.
Not because women aren’t allowed to pursue meaningless sex, but because it sounded like you were looking for something serious.
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Almost impossible.
Men, in general, fall in lust first (exceptions abound), then decide if they like/love a woman.
Women, in general (exceptions abound), fall in like/love first, then act on lust.
Note this is a 51% of the time, scenario. I’ve done this in reverse, but I slept with my wife about 45 minutes after meeting her. The extent of what I knew about her was she had killer quads in yoga pants and piercing blue eyes. Also witty banter.
My practical advice is this: most people, when dating, put their best selves forward. A flase front. Puffery. Salesemanship. Dated many a girl I thought had her crap together, then found out she had issues (like we all do) 3 or so months in. You are a very honest person and forthcoming; ergo, you share your very normal insecurities and issues up front.
The typical girl does not do this. They lie and hide all that baggage until the man is hooked.
While you are being 100% truthful and forthcoming up front, he is (through rational thought and experience) assuming you have serious shit hidden in your closet to be revealed later, so by admitting slight neurosis now, he is assuming (again, rationally, based on how 51% of women are) you are hiding a recent past 3 state murder crime spree.
Save that shit for later.
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I agree to an extent but maybe spock has an horrendous fuck face, maybe she gurns like a gargoyle in heat at the poor fella. Maybe she came into the boudoir wearing a big strap on. C’mon, that’s gonna make him run for the hills. I feel sorry for him now*.
*I don’t. Only messing about spocko
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I don’t see why this would be opposite. My ex which whom I stayed many years wanted to have something serious, but also wanted to have sex on our first real date, and I said no.
Honestly? Because 95% of guys aren’t like you.
I sure am not lol. I’m 28 and only dated three girls. Truth is I wanted to be gentlemany (I guess) but I also wasn’t really ready. I’m not used to casual sex
maaaaan. you sure are willing to put up with a lot more BS than I am. lol.
a lot of men think they need to say this, whether they mean it or not. I have no idea what your guy actually wants, but I think it’s about 50 50 whether he just wants the FWB thing or a relationship. He’s definitely insecure though. Everything you’ve said to this point screams that.
this makes sense.
Oh look, I can finally relate! lol. My parents were super cold towards each other. I didn’t realize family members said ‘I love you’ to each other until I was at least 20, lol. Didn’t happen in my house.
because you’re getting emotionally involved before you even make it to the first date.
This is why I like the idea of casual dating when single. Dating with a purpose makes it so much harder to see clearly. I’ve been the same way in the past. If you want a relationship, you’re much more likely to project positive qualities that aren’t really there on the other person. I’d much rather date casually until someone just surprises me, and I feel compelled to start a real relationship with them.
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See, I think if we had him in here talking about what to do, the group would be screaming “run” because Spock has been so emotional and reactive through this. And I think that’s fine, she has to be who she is, but I think there’s a chance that this guy is just trying to manage her expectations while he figures out what he wants. He doesn’t seem to me to be the “say anything” type; just the opposite. He seems cautious. This is now a THREE WEEK relationship with a woman who has a child.
You’re not undatable. I just think you get too invested too quickly, and it muddies all the waters so you can’t tell what’s what, and then that feels like shit so you react with more water-muddying stuff.
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Having never actually met you can’t say that any of this applies, so if it doesn’t, completely disregard.
I knew a woman that was dating a friend of mine. Fiercely good looking. She’d been dated, banged and dumped by every guy she was with her whole life, and at the time she was mid 40’s. So one night she’s being a bit self pity full and asks me why guys treat her that way. I told her straight up, she’s not marriage material because she leads with her titties. The first thing you know about her is her titties. Nobody is thinking “I bet she’s good at math!” because she never showed anything else. The sad part is that she truly and desperately wanted to love and be loved, but was going about it in a way that was just disastrous.
So what do you lead with? What do you want people to see in you? You have to put that first and foremost.
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This is true … this is precisely why I walk around with a balled up sock in the crotch of my pants…
Always make sure you have warm, dry socks in case you have to change them. Don’t want to get trench foot…
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My parents never displayed any affection towards any of us, nor to each other either. Just a couple of years ago in my early THIRTIES, I had a glance at a text to my dad from my mom when he asked me to help him figure out the settings on his mobile phone. It said “I MISS U.” That BLEW my mind. It was like I had just walked in on my parents having sex lol. I was feeling weird around them for weeks after that.
My wife, on the other hand, is a hugger. If I gave her the chance, she would spend all day just hugging and all that stuff. So I don’t think you’re destined to only find men like the way you described.
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Just throwing this out there. Law of attraction, or the law of projection. We don’t get what we want, we get what we are.
Not sure this fits for you Spock, but it kind of does for me. Woowoo shit incoming. Change your vibration to change what you attract. This means loving yourself and not “needing” any external approval.
I think this guy is a little deceptive. Yeah, he’s looking for a relationship, but he should have said he’s not ready for one, or not interested in one with you. That would have been honest, and of course, he wouldn’t have gotten laid, so he said what he needed to to get what he wanted without actually lying.
True story. A girl asked a friend of mine if he loved her while they were making out. He told her that she was the most important thing in his life right now.
Not a lie, but not saying he loved her. They had sex of course, and he moved on to the next most important thing in his life.
This isn’t just a guy thing. I’ve been lied to in a similar fashion. Of course, had to laugh about it afterwards. Guess I’m chasing the wrong type as well.
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The period after banging one out can be awkward, especially for guys as you can think a bit more clearly about the situation.
Just keep learning more about each other and let this grow. Deep down you almost certainly don’t know if you like him, more likely you just like whatever it is you’ve built this guy into.
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I don’t know man … I grew out of this shit in my early 20’s (before I was married or had even met my wife)…
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My first reaction after sex is still “Oh God! What have I done?!?!?”.
Do we know how old Cory* is?
*Until otherwise confirmed, I assume this fella’s name is Cory.
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