T Nation

Giving a Guy Your Phone Number Without Him Asking?

#1

Hello friends ,
I humbly seek your opinions on this matter :

I finally like a non-fuck boy, non-asshole from work. I get insanely nervous around him and I say and do stupid , strange things. I’m not sure if he can tell or not , because I’m pretty weird in general, so he might not be able to distinguish between my crush nervousness and my regular social awkwardness.

But I digress,
I got up the courage to talk to him ( he has talked to me a bit before, he wished me merry Christmas, gave me his sport check gift card and tried to help me fix my glasses), but I went to his cubicle , started spewing verbal diarrhea and apologized for being awkward and asked if he wanted to be friends. To which he replied sure, but with obvious confusion about wtf I was talking about .

Anyway, so I am having insomnia because I just want to tell him I like him so I can either get rejected and move on or get an opportunity to know him better .

I’m not going to pretend to be some confident woman because I’m not, I plan on just being myself.
Dont get me wrong, people really seem to like me at work, I make a lot of people laugh and I’m fairly quirky , but I am definitely not confident . I’m just happy and fun .
Right so, I’m just going to go into his cubicle tomorrow and say something like
" hey so, maybe you know this already, but I like you. Like as a dude not just as a person or whatever.
*awkward silence *
Sorry if I’m creepy
*nervous laughter *
Here’s my number if you ever want to talk outside of work. You definitely don’t have to . Totally cool if you dont want to, but I mean you could if you wanted to.
And if you wanted to , I’ll probably answer right away because I’m getting older and I dont want to pretend I’m this super busy, unavailable person.
Right so um bye
Also hi
Sorry
For
This
K
Bye ."

K sounds good , yes ?
…

BYE

#2

I’m all game for the direct approach, but maybe try something lower risk that gets the same effect and has plausible deniability to Human Resources since you’re in a work environment.

Maybe create a second signature line for emails at work that includes your cell number. Just send it to him in normal emails. Or better yet send to a couple of people to create plausible deniability.

Create a work group of text numbers for some work project. Maybe arrange a party for someone’s birthday or whatever and include him them the group.

Baby steps before baring your soul at work is critical.

Outside of work I’d be all in for your approach, but you don’t want to lose a job.

#3

No. Too creepy.

I’m with The Myth on this one. Why not ask him to go have coffee or something?

You are NOT aging that quickly!

#4

Isn’t asking him for coffee the same category of giving him my number if he ever wants to hang outside of work ? I mean he would kind of need it anyone to plan coffee lol !

#5

I understand what you’re saying, but we dont have projects or anything to email him about . We’re just in a call center. I literally would have no reason to ever email him about anything :pensive:

#6

I’ve got to agree with Miss Old Fashioned above. Don’t give dude your number, especially with the script you wrote above.

You need to remember that You’ve got the goods. Don’t be unapproachable, but you gotta make guys put in some effort.

#7

I understand what you are saying, but if this guy is decent, and not an asshole, then it may be prudent to take a more conventional approach. Now, if you are just horny and want a roll in the sheets, that’s another thing.

Just say… Hey! There’s a nice coffee shop over on whereever. I was wondering if you would like to grab cup with me some time.

He says … yes! That would be great.

You meet. Talk about dumb shit. And before you leave, you say… I really enjoyed this. Can we do this again?
He says… I would like that.
You say… Okay, giggle and be all awkward. Then hand him your number and tell him to call you when he’s ready.
And repeat how much you enjoyed it.

#8

I guess there’s just a lot of conflicting shit I read on the internet because on reddit I saw about how guys can be intimidated by women quite easily so I thought like oh, well maybe I’ll just do it myself then, lol

#9

Why are you so sane and rational!? Plz share :laughing:

#10

Non assholes have a different playbook. If it’s just about getting laid the rules are different.

#11

-Sometimes women are intimidating. But if you’re afraid, you don’t talk to the girl and fix her glasses. You walk by actively not looking at her, to hide your interest. So don’t worry about that.

-reddit is fucking stupid.

-dudes are dudes. If a girl is easy, she gets treated that way. Like she almost invites asshole behavior from the guy. Other women are 100% not going to be treated that way. Somehow they establish that right away, so you know(as the guy) that you have to be on your best behavior. Like chicken says, there are 2 sets of rules. And the woman decides which set to use.

Now I don’t know how women do it, they are tricky. But I know they do do it.

#12

I’m not sure I have ever been accused of being sane. That’s the beauty of it. You wait till you have him hooked BEfore you unleash the crazy :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

#13

Absolutely! Too fast and aggressive and your an easy slut. Too slow and you are a prude. There is a fine line to walk.

If he is worth having, a little patience will go a long way.

If he’s not, he wasn’t worth having in the first place. Just another heartache!

#14

Guys that conglomerate on an internet forum to discuss their difficulties with women tend to be guys who are intimidated by women. It is a sampling bias.

Another vote for “Hey let’s get coffee”. Forward enough, and an opportunity to see if you even have anything in common.

#15

i think the coffee thing just scares the shit out of me because it could be immediate rejection VS like future rejection.
Coffee?
No
Number
Waiting
waiting
no text
rejection while im home alone and can cry LOL

#16

But you said you wanted to know, because you were aging. This will answer your question.
Given what you have told us so far. I doubt it will be instant rejection.
But! If it is… you’ll know to get this out of head and move forward with your life.

#17

Master the art of friendly flirting, nothing too sleazy or aggressive in nature. Guys love flirty banter, I do anyway, it always leads to a chase and one sure way to determine interest in a way that if things aren’t going good, it was only friendly banter. The coffee idea is more risky, as you would be putting yourself in a position to be rejected

#18

Asking someone if they want to be friends is just kinda sad…

Just ask him out properly. Coffee, drink, whatever. What’s the worst could happen?

#19

He would say no and I could cry at work .

I’m a very sensitive little flower

#20

Then make sure you’ve taken care of business beforehand. Nothing guarantees rejection like taking a dump in the midst of a perfectly good invite.

For real though- “I really liked what you said about (insert subject here). Do you want to go get some coffee?” has a 100‰ success rate with me when used at AA meetings.

It almost like a universal green light to see where things go from there.