T Nation

Girls Have Cooties!


#1

Well, I am a girl, so I guess I have cooties too.

But the thing is, I'm really shy and ill at ease around other girls, and I have trouble getting close to them.

Thanks to my interests (math; reading and sometimes writing about policy/economics/popular science; lifting; some geekery) I'm often the lone female in a room full of guys. I'm comfortable around men. I like their directness. I can make friends with them pretty easily.

Women, on the other hand, apart from a few close friends, make me nervous. I feel like a lunk around them. I'm not naturally tidy, I'm not physically delicate, and I'm not effortlessly graceful in social situations. I'm a little too blunt -- it's not that I say rude things, because I do want to be nice, it's that I often don't know what to say and respond in monosyllables. I can't be bubbly, I can't greet everyone with a squeal and hug, and I can't play cute. With girls, I can never tell the difference between genuine friendliness and polite condescension -- does "Nice running into you" really mean that it was nice running into me?

The funny thing is that my mom, my sister, and I are all exactly the same in this regard. We've all had trouble with female friendships, and are more at ease around guys. Maybe it's that we're all very independent people. I tend to think http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200401/autism-whats-sex-got-do-it this is pop psychology, not science, but to the extent there's any truth to it, I definitely have a systematic, "male" brain, despite my affection for pretty dresses, cooking, and doo-wop.

Just ranting, I guess, or looking for advice on bonding with girls. Any other women around here feel like this? Any guys have tips for dealing with the fairer sex?


#2

I know what you mean about genuine friendliness and polite condescension. I’m a pretty open and ‘bubbly’ person you could say, but even having that on my side, when reaching out to other girls it’s hard to tell what reactions are sincere.

I’m not sure what the Greek system is like on your campus, but it pretty much runs OU. I’m not in one, and never had the interest, so when conversing with other sorority girls and they ask which house I’m in and they find I’m not, it’s like “ooooomg, why not?!? You should toooootally rush.” Then you almost get discredited as a person and they lose interest. Now, they’re not all like this, but a good chunk can be. At least they make themselves easy to spot, so I can reach out to someone else that will probably be more receptive to chatting and hanging out with a fellow GDI :slight_smile:

Just be yourself, don’t let the wimmins make you nervous. You have nothing to lose by being direct and blunt, maybe you’ll find someone that can identify with you. I’ve quit censoring myself and have cut out the bullshit fake people and gotten closer to those with similar intrests.


#3

[quote]AlisaV wrote:
Well, I am a girl, so I guess I have cooties too.

But the thing is, I’m really shy and ill at ease around other girls, and I have trouble getting close to them.

Thanks to my interests (math; reading and sometimes writing about policy/economics/popular science; lifting; some geekery) I’m often the lone female in a room full of guys. I’m comfortable around men. I like their directness. I can make friends with them pretty easily.

Women, on the other hand, apart from a few close friends, make me nervous. I feel like a lunk around them. I’m not naturally tidy, I’m not physically delicate, and I’m not effortlessly graceful in social situations. I’m a little too blunt – it’s not that I say rude things, because I do want to be nice, it’s that I often don’t know what to say and respond in monosyllables. I can’t be bubbly, I can’t greet everyone with a squeal and hug, and I can’t play cute. With girls, I can never tell the difference between genuine friendliness and polite condescension – does “Nice running into you” really mean that it was nice running into me?

The funny thing is that my mom, my sister, and I are all exactly the same in this regard. We’ve all had trouble with female friendships, and are more at ease around guys. Maybe it’s that we’re all very independent people. I tend to think http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200401/autism-whats-sex-got-do-it this is pop psychology, not science, but to the extent there’s any truth to it, I definitely have a systematic, “male” brain, despite my affection for pretty dresses, cooking, and doo-wop.

Just ranting, I guess, or looking for advice on bonding with girls. Any other women around here feel like this? Any guys have tips for dealing with the fairer sex?[/quote]

I know what you mean. But I am even stranger then you where sometimes I am all hugs and giggles and other times I’m drier then the sand in the sahara!! Most women seem too fake for me and I can’t deal with the constant cycle of drama.


#4

You’re damn right they do!!

Tootles even names her cooties.

She scares meh.

Crimson Lilly…not so much.


#5

if it gets really bad Lilly, you could always send them the link to glass ass … I know you bookmarked it…


#6

[quote]polo77j wrote:
if it gets really bad Lilly, you could always send them the link to glass ass … I know you bookmarked it…[/quote]

OH.FUCK.

I’m scared.


#7

[quote]polo77j wrote:
if it gets really bad Lilly, you could always send them the link to glass ass … I know you bookmarked it…[/quote]

Oh naturally, that’s all a part of me not censoring myself!

I showed it to my best friend and amidst the OMGs, cracking up, and asking me where I find this shit…she said, “This is why I love you, you’re so freaking weird.” lol. She’s a good’un.

And Hungry, you’re not scared? Good! It’s always easier when one’s guard is down :slight_smile:


#8

[quote]imhungry wrote:
polo77j wrote:
if it gets really bad Lilly, you could always send them the link to glass ass … I know you bookmarked it…

OH.FUCK.

I’m scared.[/quote]

Well shit, I woulda had you all unawares! Thanks a lot polo!

It’s ok Hungry, don’t be scared :wink:


#9

Sorry Lilly … I didn’t know you were plotting…


#10

[quote]crimson_lily wrote:

Just be yourself, don’t let the wimmins make you nervous. You have nothing to lose by being direct and blunt, maybe you’ll find someone that can identify with you. I’ve quit censoring myself and have cut out the bullshit fake people and gotten closer to those with similar intrests. [/quote]

This plus infinity.

I’m also blunt and not terribly girly. I don’t squeal and I sure as hell don’t clap in unison to songs. I don’t do that stuff.

However, my longest, best and most enduring friendships are with other women. I laugh hardest and longest with other women. You just have to find the right friends for you.


#11

Well, I do have some enduring friendships with women – not many, but they’re the real thing. I think you’re right about laughing hardest and longest with other women.

I’ve just realized how nervous I am around new acquaintances and old friends I’ve grown apart from. All the high school bullshit comes back – does she like me? Is she secretly laughing at me? Does she think I’m cool enough to hang out with her? Even though I’m an adult (ish) and “cool” actually doesn’t mean anything.


#12

[quote]crimson_lily wrote:
imhungry wrote:
polo77j wrote:
if it gets really bad Lilly, you could always send them the link to glass ass … I know you bookmarked it…

OH.FUCK.

I’m scared.

Well shit, I woulda had you all unawares! Thanks a lot polo!

It’s ok Hungry, don’t be scared ;)[/quote]

Ok, now i’m just confused:(

Hides under desk with teddy bear in one hand and a 9mm in the other, for just in case

BRING IT, LILLY.


#13

[quote]AlisaV wrote:
Well, I do have some enduring friendships with women – not many, but they’re the real thing. I think you’re right about laughing hardest and longest with other women.

I’ve just realized how nervous I am around new acquaintances and old friends I’ve grown apart from. All the high school bullshit comes back – does she like me? Is she secretly laughing at me? Does she think I’m cool enough to hang out with her? Even though I’m an adult (ish) and “cool” actually doesn’t mean anything. [/quote]

Nobody’s cool enough to hang with me.

Oh, wait…


#14

Alisa, I’m the same way. I tell it like it is b/c that’s what I want. I don’t like all that bullshit and playing games with peoples’ heads. Granted, I can be very rigid on some stuff but in others, there are myriad shades of gray. People at work think I’m hilarious, but I’m just myself, I say what I think/feel. I frequently say that my logic is way different than others’ logic.

Case in point, if you’re afraid of heights, call ahead to make sure the hotel you’re staying at has rooms on low floors. I work in a hotel and our rooms don’t start until the 10th floor. So if you’re afraid of heights, don’t stay at my hotel. It’s not like you just discovered you’re afraid of heights. So it would be LOGICAL to me to make sure anywhere I’m going has rooms on low floors if I were afraid of heights. Apparently, this is not logical or obvious to a vast majority of the population. Guests think I’m rude because I frequently ask “did you call ahead to make sure of (whatever)?” But that’s just the way I think. Anyway, after being totally uncool in high school, I am apparently very cool at work…sometimes it’s just the environment you’re in, whether you’re cool or not.


#15

I wouldn’t worry about it. You’re in college, right? While better than high school - there’s still some drama associated, And from what I remember, other girls are still pretty insecure and about all sorts of stuff. Just remember, others can sense if you are uncomfortable. I know if someone I’m around is uncomfortable, it can make me feel the same. Just relax, be confident in yourself (especially your quirks - they make you - YOU), and eventrually you’ll have plenty of female friendship and with the kind of women you’d want to be around.


#16

I find the best way to approach anyone, male or female is just to be yourself. If they like you, great, if they don’t, fuck 'em, who cares.
Of any social group, I find gay men have the most trouble relating to me, but if they are forced to (I work with a hoard of them) they end up loving me. Takes time though LOL.


#17

[quote]polo77j wrote:
if it gets really bad Lilly, you could always send them the link to glass ass … I know you bookmarked it…[/quote]

I have nothing of value to add here, as usual, but can I have the link to this glass ass?

It sounds interesting…


#18

I’ve always been more comfortable around men than women. The big thing for me is many women don’t get my sense of humour or take me too seriously. I don’t know what it is about many women but they often strike me as humourless or easily offended.

It’s a bit difficult for friendships because for the most part, as much as it feels that way, a woman will never be one of the guys. But when you do find women who are of like mind it’s a great thing.


#19

Nice thread Alisa. I can relate. The majority of my friends have always been male. I feel much more at ease with males as well. I always seem to say the wrong thing to other women. I am always hurting someone’s feeling because they take something I said the wrong way. I also appear to have been dropped on my head when it comes to proper female etiquette!

I am a sarcastic ball buster by nature. This generally only works with people with well… balls. Over the years I have found a few female friends just as nutty, awkward and fiesty as me. I wouldn’t trade 'em for anything in the world!


#20

Doc, oh! I know what you mean about saying the wrong thing or the etiquette! There is a new woman at my work who I offended today because I didn’t greet her this morning explicitly to inquire about her family vacation that she just got back from. She didn’t get mad at the guys we work with sheesh! I just hate that crap.