Girlfriends with Male Friends

Off Topic
41

This thread is utterly depressing. People on this forum know a shit ton about working out but most of you are emotional retards. Guess what pal, there’s a very good chance your girl just prefers guys to girls as friends. A lot of girls I know do. It’s also entirely possible for a guy to be friends with a girl without wanting to fuck her. He’s just got to not be a fucking douchebag who thinks of men and women as different species, and sees them all as… well, you know… people.

If your girlfriend is cheating on you it’s probably because you’re so insecure that every time she speaks to another guy you kick off and accuse her of being some kind of slut. If my girlfriend was that controlling and accusatory she’d be gone in a flash (and so would I if I were like that to her). Get some self-respect and recognise that in the absence of any actual evidence of wrongdoing, if you can’t trust someone it’s because you’ve got issues, not them.

Best scenario here: she sacks you off and finds someone who’ll respect her as a grown adult who’s capable of having a conversation with another person (maybe even making a new friend) without winding up on her knees with a cock in her mouth. You learn not to let your obvious insecurities ruin your close relationships, and do better next time.

42

[quote]RelativeShoe wrote:
This thread is utterly depressing. People on this forum know a shit ton about working out but most of you are emotional retards. Guess what pal, there’s a very good chance your girl just prefers guys to girls as friends. A lot of girls I know do. It’s also entirely possible for a guy to be friends with a girl without wanting to fuck her. He’s just got to not be a fucking douchebag who thinks of men and women as different species, and sees them all as… well, you know… people.

If your girlfriend is cheating on you it’s probably because you’re so insecure that every time she speaks to another guy you kick off and accuse her of being some kind of slut. If my girlfriend was that controlling and accusatory she’d be gone in a flash (and so would I if I were like that to her). Get some self-respect and recognise that in the absence of any actual evidence of wrongdoing, if you can’t trust someone it’s because you’ve got issues, not them.

Best scenario here: she sacks you off and finds someone who’ll respect her as a grown adult who’s capable of having a conversation with another person (maybe even making a new friend) without winding up on her knees with a cock in her mouth. You learn not to let your obvious insecurities ruin your close relationships, and do better next time.[/quote]
no lol

you can have opposite sex friends, but emotional or physical cheating is not ok

43

[quote]RelativeShoe wrote:
This thread is utterly depressing. People on this forum know a shit ton about working out but most of you are emotional retards. Guess what pal, there’s a very good chance your girl just prefers guys to girls as friends. A lot of girls I know do. It’s also entirely possible for a guy to be friends with a girl without wanting to fuck her. He’s just got to not be a fucking douchebag who thinks of men and women as different species, and sees them all as… well, you know… people.

If your girlfriend is cheating on you it’s probably because you’re so insecure that every time she speaks to another guy you kick off and accuse her of being some kind of slut. If my girlfriend was that controlling and accusatory she’d be gone in a flash (and so would I if I were like that to her). Get some self-respect and recognise that in the absence of any actual evidence of wrongdoing, if you can’t trust someone it’s because you’ve got issues, not them.

Best scenario here: she sacks you off and finds someone who’ll respect her as a grown adult who’s capable of having a conversation with another person (maybe even making a new friend) without winding up on her knees with a cock in her mouth. You learn not to let your obvious insecurities ruin your close relationships, and do better next time.[/quote]

Yeah man, to each his own. I wont go off on a rant about your beliefs on this. But, I will say it has nothing, NOTHING to do with insecurities to not agree with your girlfriend that you are in committed relationship with to go on a trip and meet a guy, get his #, facebook him, and constantly bring him up in conversation.

Go Cowboys!

44

So, it is cool for a girlfriend to trade information,stay in contact and talk for hours on facebook with the guy her “sister” had a one night stand with?

45

Why would your girlfriend be talking to a guy who allegedly fucked her sister ?

Dude that makes NO sense at all.

46

[quote]four60 wrote:
So, it is cool for a girlfriend to trade information,stay in contact and talk for hours on facebook with the guy her “sister” had a one night stand with?

[/quote]

If she’s fucking him or intends to then no. But then as the OP stated, in that case she’d likely leave him anyway. I mean, if this other guy’s stolen her heart what’s she sticking around for? The lectures on how she’s not allowed to speak to anyone with a Y chromosome?

In the absence of any evidence that she’s actually done anything wrong, there are two options:

Option 1: If you trust the girlfriend, and have the self-confidence to cope with the fact that she might be able to have an interest in what another guy has to say without finding herself in the back of a Camaro with a mouthful of cock, you stop being a dick and let her get on with it.

Option 2: If you don’t trust the girlfriend then your relationship’s a busted flush anyway, whether she’s cheated on you or not. You might as well cut your losses and buy yourself a Camaro for next time.

47

[quote]RelativeShoe wrote:
Guess what pal, there’s a very good chance your girl just prefers guys to girls as friends. A lot of girls I know do.
[/quote]

That’s because a same-sex friendship would require the girl in question to actually provide something to the equation other than the remote possibility of sex.

If a girl is hot, most guys are willing to overlook a lot of her personal flaws and will treat her like a princess just to be in her presence. The attractive girl loves this because the guys will constantly provide her with positive affirmation. All the girl has to do is be attractive and act mildly interested in the guy, which is a lot easier than being an actual friend.

EDIT: Also FWIW I agree that OP’s girl cheated. Even if she hasn’t actually fucked the guy yet, at the very least she’s having an emotional affair. I would cut off all communication with her immediately, without even telling her why. Hopefully you don’t live together.

48

[quote]mbdix wrote:

[quote]RelativeShoe wrote:
This thread is utterly depressing. People on this forum know a shit ton about working out but most of you are emotional retards. Guess what pal, there’s a very good chance your girl just prefers guys to girls as friends. A lot of girls I know do. It’s also entirely possible for a guy to be friends with a girl without wanting to fuck her. He’s just got to not be a fucking douchebag who thinks of men and women as different species, and sees them all as… well, you know… people.

If your girlfriend is cheating on you it’s probably because you’re so insecure that every time she speaks to another guy you kick off and accuse her of being some kind of slut. If my girlfriend was that controlling and accusatory she’d be gone in a flash (and so would I if I were like that to her). Get some self-respect and recognise that in the absence of any actual evidence of wrongdoing, if you can’t trust someone it’s because you’ve got issues, not them.

Best scenario here: she sacks you off and finds someone who’ll respect her as a grown adult who’s capable of having a conversation with another person (maybe even making a new friend) without winding up on her knees with a cock in her mouth. You learn not to let your obvious insecurities ruin your close relationships, and do better next time.[/quote]

Yeah man, to each his own. I wont go off on a rant about your beliefs on this. But, I will say it has nothing, NOTHING to do with insecurities to not agree with your girlfriend that you are in committed relationship with to go on a trip and meet a guy, get his #, facebook him, and constantly bring him up in conversation.

Go Cowboys![/quote]

Oh yeah, that would definitely prove she’s cheating on him. Because if I was sleeping with another girl behind my girlfriend’s back I’d definitely bring her up in conversation all the time. Or maybe she just gets on well with this guy. You know, in a non-penetrative way.

Way too much speculation in this thread. Has it occurred to the OP to sit down with his girlfriend and maybe discuss this? In a calm and reasonable way? Something along the lines of “Hey beautiful, I notice you’re spending a lot of time with this guy online since you came back from your trip away. I don’t want to come across as paranoid (even though I totally am) but I’ve been thinking a lot about the whole thing recently and it’s causing me a bit of mental strife. You won’t believe this, but I even had you voted T-Nation’s Slut of the Week! No… Sorry, you don’t win a t-shirt or anything. Anyway, is there any chance we could have a bit of a chat as a pair of adults and discuss what implications this has (if any) for our relationship? Probably sounds silly to you, I know, but it sure would make me feel better.”

Note: The above approach only works if you are willing to listen to and trust her response. If not, see my earlier comment.

Go Bengals!

49

[quote]Steel Nation wrote:

[quote]RelativeShoe wrote:
Guess what pal, there’s a very good chance your girl just prefers guys to girls as friends. A lot of girls I know do.
[/quote]

That’s because a same-sex friendship would require the girl in question to actually provide something to the equation other than the remote possibility of sex.

If a girl is hot, most guys are willing to overlook a lot of her personal flaws and will treat her like a princess just to be in her presence. The attractive girl loves this because the guys will constantly provide her with positive affirmation. All the girl has to do is be attractive and act mildly interested in the guy, which is a lot easier than being an actual friend.[/quote]

I didn’t say the girls I know were attractive. Some are, for sure. Some not so. What they share is actually just a dislike of the bitchiness that goes on in (British) all-female friendship groups. Most also have a very male sense of humour. None are treated like princesses (and wouldn’t want to be patronised like that), in fact they’re usually just treated like another one of the guys. They wouldn’t last long as a part of the friendship group without providing actual friendship - we don’t really roll like that way.

Your female friend results may vary.

50

[quote]Steel Nation wrote:

[quote]RelativeShoe wrote:
Guess what pal, there’s a very good chance your girl just prefers guys to girls as friends. A lot of girls I know do.
[/quote]

That’s because a same-sex friendship would require the girl in question to actually provide something to the equation other than the remote possibility of sex.

If a girl is hot, most guys are willing to overlook a lot of her personal flaws and will treat her like a princess just to be in her presence. The attractive girl loves this because the guys will constantly provide her with positive affirmation. All the girl has to do is be attractive and act mildly interested in the guy, which is a lot easier than being an actual friend.

EDIT: Also FWIW I agree that OP’s girl cheated. Even if she hasn’t actually fucked the guy yet, at the very least she’s having an emotional affair. I would cut off all communication with her immediately, without even telling her why. Hopefully you don’t live together.[/quote]

BOOM! THIS!

51

I think having friends of the opposite sex is fine, but there is a line. I can say I have genuine female friends. Some I think are good looking, some not. Regardless, I don’t have intentions of sleeping with them. I also grew up with my mother and grandmother without much of a father figure growing up, so I probably find non-sexual relationships with girls a tad easier.

OP doesn’t sound like that. Sounds like his girl is intrigued by some random guy, not a ‘friend’. If she crossed a boundary you feel uncomfortable with, you need address it. But honestly, if you feel like she may have cheated, it really doesn’t matter if she did or didn’t because that ‘what-if’ feeling in the back of your mind is enough to fuck up the relationship.

52

I dont think I am a narrow minded or controlling person but I simply have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that sooner or later there will be some physical sexual incident or situation sooner or later by either party.
[/quote]

*** In the end my friend trust is everything and you don’t have it. Chalk it up to she thinks you are not enough for her and move on. A female with male friends has surrounded herself with men that haven’t figured out how “to tap that yet”. Surely one day they will.

The one rule I found out early on (my wife and I have been together for 23 years total)was all of us are subject to temptations. None of us are above it. If she can’t see this either she is lying to you or a slut. Had I hung out without her around other women we wouldn’t have been married for long. The converse is also true. If she won’t drop her male friends move on. Better now than after a kid or two when her and the man she had been having an affair with all along takes and lives off of half of your paycheck in your house.

53

Didn’t read anything else except the OP. From my experience, 3 of my past girlfriends were like what you say OP. Hanging with guys etc. All all 3 of them cheated on me at some point. Also, every girl that has ever been in my group of guy friends because “she finds other women catty” or whatever lame ass excuse, has fucked with at least 2 guys of the group. Just some food for thought.

54

[quote]niksamaras wrote:
Didn’t read anything else except the OP. From my experience, 3 of my past girlfriends were like what you say OP. Hanging with guys etc. All all 3 of them cheated on me at some point. Also, every girl that has ever been in my group of guy friends because “she finds other women catty” or whatever lame ass excuse, has fucked with at least 2 guys of the group. Just some food for thought.[/quote]

I will add from the female side that most of my friends - and all of my close friends - are women and I find them honest and caring.

Over the years I’ve had a couple of male friends outside of work, where professional boundaries are protective, but my sense has been that they would have made a move if there was an opening. When I’m in a relationship I value that far more than hanging out with single guys. Which I guess I don’t do regardless, now that I think of it. Just the ones I want to have relationships with.

I think women who have both male and female friends because they have things in common with both are fine. I don’t trust women who lump their entire gender into a negative category, however, and particularly the feminine ones, who are usually the “other women are all bitches” types. I’m inclined to wonder if other women are unpleasant because our special self-described “tomboy” is perpetually attention-seeking from attached men.

55

[quote]RelativeShoe wrote:
If she’s fucking him or intends to then no. But then as the OP stated, in that case she’d likely leave him anyway. I mean, if this other guy’s stolen her heart what’s she sticking around for? The lectures on how she’s not allowed to speak to anyone with a Y chromosome?
[/quote]

Confirmed FA WK.

Because there’s no way some girl who doesn’t have enough in common with her own gender to maintain any cockless friendships would want to enjoy the benefits of a long-term BF AND a FWB, right?

56

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I will add that most of my friends - and all of my close friends - are women and I find them honest and caring.

Over the years I’ve had a couple of male friends outside of work, where professional boundaries are protective, but my sense has been that they would have made a move if there was an opening. When I’m in a relationship I value that far more than hanging out with single guys. Which I guess I don’t do regardless, now that I think of it. Just the ones I want to have relationships with.

I think women who have both male and female friends because they have things in common with both are fine. I don’t trust women who lump their entire gender into a negative category, however, and particularly the feminine ones, who are usually the “other women are all bitches” types. I’m inclined to wonder if other women are unpleasant because our special self-described “tomboy” is perpetually attention-seeking from attached men.[/quote]

I’d say most of my friends have been men. Mostly because my work has generally been with almost all men. The mix is changing as my career is evolving and as a result there are more women in my circle.

That said, I don’t tend to gel with a lot of women but not because anyone is bitchy. I know the sentiment you are meaning though Em and have heard it before, and I have struggled with my own misogyny and that certainly doesn’t help with female relationships. For the most part however, now that I’ve matured, it’s a matter of relating through humour, interests, conversational subject matter, pop culture and political views. Not saying we have to agree but we have to be able to disagree and still be ok. Also a lot of women I’ve met want too much from me in terms of relationship guidance and intimate conversations about stuff that I don’t have too much interest in. I do like to be alone more than many women I’ve met have been able to abide by. I know a lot of woman who are great people, very caring but I do not enjoy having lunch with because I don’t want to talk about having kids or husband woes. I also have a quirky (if you can call it that) sense of humour that a lot of women don’t seem to find very funny and I think I get on their nerves :stuck_out_tongue: I work closely with a woman right now who does get me and it’s great because we can goof off on a whole new level since we are both in the same vote with the sausage fest and the sausage fest puts a lot of constraints on interactions this is very refreshing for both of us. Now we can go to a pub and get nearly hosed together occasionally and have a ball without worrying about male/female relations. We are so different in many ways too.

There are women I enjoy very much and I usually meet them through work. Somehow it attracts like-enough minds? They are just few though.

A bunch of the women in my family are the similar to me, humour wise and it’s a good time when we get together. But some people find it hard to take. Women who marry into the family seem to be a bit unsettled by us and have a hard time fitting in.

57

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]niksamaras wrote:
Didn’t read anything else except the OP. From my experience, 3 of my past girlfriends were like what you say OP. Hanging with guys etc. All all 3 of them cheated on me at some point. Also, every girl that has ever been in my group of guy friends because “she finds other women catty” or whatever lame ass excuse, has fucked with at least 2 guys of the group. Just some food for thought.[/quote]

I will add from the female side that most of my friends - and all of my close friends - are women and I find them honest and caring.

Over the years I’ve had a couple of male friends outside of work, where professional boundaries are protective, but my sense has been that they would have made a move if there was an opening. When I’m in a relationship I value that far more than hanging out with single guys. Which I guess I don’t do regardless, now that I think of it. Just the ones I want to have relationships with.

I think women who have both male and female friends because they have things in common with both are fine. I don’t trust women who lump their entire gender into a negative category, however, and particularly the feminine ones, who are usually the “other women are all bitches” types. I’m inclined to wonder if other women are unpleasant because our special self-described “tomboy” is perpetually attention-seeking from attached men.[/quote]

Gold in that last paragraph.

58

[quote]debraD wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I will add that most of my friends - and all of my close friends - are women and I find them honest and caring.

Over the years I’ve had a couple of male friends outside of work, where professional boundaries are protective, but my sense has been that they would have made a move if there was an opening. When I’m in a relationship I value that far more than hanging out with single guys. Which I guess I don’t do regardless, now that I think of it. Just the ones I want to have relationships with.

I think women who have both male and female friends because they have things in common with both are fine. I don’t trust women who lump their entire gender into a negative category, however, and particularly the feminine ones, who are usually the “other women are all bitches” types. I’m inclined to wonder if other women are unpleasant because our special self-described “tomboy” is perpetually attention-seeking from attached men.[/quote]

I’d say most of my friends have been men. Mostly because my work has generally been with almost all men. The mix is changing as my career is evolving and as a result there are more women in my circle.

That said, I don’t tend to gel with a lot of women but not because anyone is bitchy. I know the sentiment you are meaning though Em and have heard it before, and I have struggled with my own misogyny and that certainly doesn’t help with female relationships. For the most part however, now that I’ve matured, it’s a matter of relating through humour, interests, conversational subject matter, pop culture and political views. Not saying we have to agree but we have to be able to disagree and still be ok. Also a lot of women I’ve met want too much from me in terms of relationship guidance and intimate conversations about stuff that I don’t have too much interest in. I do like to be alone more than many women I’ve met have been able to abide by. I know a lot of woman who are great people, very caring but I do not enjoy having lunch with because I don’t want to talk about having kids or husband woes. I also have a quirky (if you can call it that) sense of humour that a lot of women don’t seem to find very funny and I think I get on their nerves :stuck_out_tongue: I work closely with a woman right now who does get me and it’s great because we can goof off on a whole new level since we are both in the same vote with the sausage fest and the sausage fest puts a lot of constraints on interactions this is very refreshing for both of us. Now we can go to a pub and get nearly hosed together occasionally and have a ball without worrying about male/female relations. We are so different in many ways too.

There are women I enjoy very much and I usually meet them through work. Somehow it attracts like-enough minds? They are just few though.

A bunch of the women in my family are the similar to me, humour wise and it’s a good time when we get together. But some people find it hard to take. Women who marry into the family seem to be a bit unsettled by us and have a hard time fitting in.
[/quote]

Maybe I’m crazy and would right get on your nerves, but I think you and I would have incredible fun together at a pub. Different though we are.

59

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]debraD wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I will add that most of my friends - and all of my close friends - are women and I find them honest and caring.

Over the years I’ve had a couple of male friends outside of work, where professional boundaries are protective, but my sense has been that they would have made a move if there was an opening. When I’m in a relationship I value that far more than hanging out with single guys. Which I guess I don’t do regardless, now that I think of it. Just the ones I want to have relationships with.

I think women who have both male and female friends because they have things in common with both are fine. I don’t trust women who lump their entire gender into a negative category, however, and particularly the feminine ones, who are usually the “other women are all bitches” types. I’m inclined to wonder if other women are unpleasant because our special self-described “tomboy” is perpetually attention-seeking from attached men.[/quote]

I’d say most of my friends have been men. Mostly because my work has generally been with almost all men. The mix is changing as my career is evolving and as a result there are more women in my circle.

That said, I don’t tend to gel with a lot of women but not because anyone is bitchy. I know the sentiment you are meaning though Em and have heard it before, and I have struggled with my own misogyny and that certainly doesn’t help with female relationships. For the most part however, now that I’ve matured, it’s a matter of relating through humour, interests, conversational subject matter, pop culture and political views. Not saying we have to agree but we have to be able to disagree and still be ok. Also a lot of women I’ve met want too much from me in terms of relationship guidance and intimate conversations about stuff that I don’t have too much interest in. I do like to be alone more than many women I’ve met have been able to abide by. I know a lot of woman who are great people, very caring but I do not enjoy having lunch with because I don’t want to talk about having kids or husband woes. I also have a quirky (if you can call it that) sense of humour that a lot of women don’t seem to find very funny and I think I get on their nerves :stuck_out_tongue: I work closely with a woman right now who does get me and it’s great because we can goof off on a whole new level since we are both in the same vote with the sausage fest and the sausage fest puts a lot of constraints on interactions this is very refreshing for both of us. Now we can go to a pub and get nearly hosed together occasionally and have a ball without worrying about male/female relations. We are so different in many ways too.

There are women I enjoy very much and I usually meet them through work. Somehow it attracts like-enough minds? They are just few though.

A bunch of the women in my family are the similar to me, humour wise and it’s a good time when we get together. But some people find it hard to take. Women who marry into the family seem to be a bit unsettled by us and have a hard time fitting in.
[/quote]

Maybe I’m crazy and would right get on your nerves, but I think you and I would have incredible fun together at a pub. Different though we are. [/quote]
I definitely think so! (On the latter point that we’d have incredible fun that is!)

60

[quote]debraD wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]debraD wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I will add that most of my friends - and all of my close friends - are women and I find them honest and caring.

Over the years I’ve had a couple of male friends outside of work, where professional boundaries are protective, but my sense has been that they would have made a move if there was an opening. When I’m in a relationship I value that far more than hanging out with single guys. Which I guess I don’t do regardless, now that I think of it. Just the ones I want to have relationships with.

I think women who have both male and female friends because they have things in common with both are fine. I don’t trust women who lump their entire gender into a negative category, however, and particularly the feminine ones, who are usually the “other women are all bitches” types. I’m inclined to wonder if other women are unpleasant because our special self-described “tomboy” is perpetually attention-seeking from attached men.[/quote]

I’d say most of my friends have been men. Mostly because my work has generally been with almost all men. The mix is changing as my career is evolving and as a result there are more women in my circle.

That said, I don’t tend to gel with a lot of women but not because anyone is bitchy. I know the sentiment you are meaning though Em and have heard it before, and I have struggled with my own misogyny and that certainly doesn’t help with female relationships. For the most part however, now that I’ve matured, it’s a matter of relating through humour, interests, conversational subject matter, pop culture and political views. Not saying we have to agree but we have to be able to disagree and still be ok. Also a lot of women I’ve met want too much from me in terms of relationship guidance and intimate conversations about stuff that I don’t have too much interest in. I do like to be alone more than many women I’ve met have been able to abide by. I know a lot of woman who are great people, very caring but I do not enjoy having lunch with because I don’t want to talk about having kids or husband woes. I also have a quirky (if you can call it that) sense of humour that a lot of women don’t seem to find very funny and I think I get on their nerves :stuck_out_tongue: I work closely with a woman right now who does get me and it’s great because we can goof off on a whole new level since we are both in the same vote with the sausage fest and the sausage fest puts a lot of constraints on interactions this is very refreshing for both of us. Now we can go to a pub and get nearly hosed together occasionally and have a ball without worrying about male/female relations. We are so different in many ways too.

There are women I enjoy very much and I usually meet them through work. Somehow it attracts like-enough minds? They are just few though.

A bunch of the women in my family are the similar to me, humour wise and it’s a good time when we get together. But some people find it hard to take. Women who marry into the family seem to be a bit unsettled by us and have a hard time fitting in.
[/quote]

Maybe I’m crazy and would right get on your nerves, but I think you and I would have incredible fun together at a pub. Different though we are. [/quote]
I definitely think so! (On the latter point that we’d have incredible fun that is!)[/quote]

Am I speaking Cockney now? Get right on your nerves, that is. But hopefully not! Hopefully I would right be a good time!