Girlfriend Wants to Get Married, Dilemma

The OP hasn’t mentioned her friends yet. That can be like a whole other battlefront to fight. One against many is always bad.

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
Run.

If you submit to her ultimatum THIS time, it will set a precedent. She may WANT you to say, “OK, let’s get married”. But in reality, she will lose respect for you and will subconsciously see you for the pushover you would be (for letting a woman brow-beat you into making a life changing decision before YOU are ready). IMHO, you will spend the rest of your miserable life compromising what’s important to you for what’s important to HER. AGAIN AND AGAIN.

Even if you WANT to marry her now, tell her “no” right now and propose to her in a few months. Just so she knows that she isn’t running the show or driving YOUR decisions. You are the fucking MAN. Act like one. YOUR life is YOUR path. She is welcome to walk YOUR path with you. If she successfully takes you off YOUR path, she has effectively castrated you - you may as well cut your own nuts off, put them in a mason jar for her to display on the mantle. Make no mistake about it, this is a shit test and she’s playing for keeps. If you play, you lose. ULTIMATUM = DEAL BREAKER TO MEN WITH SELF ESTEEM AND MATURE BOUNDARIES. YOU CAN DO BETTER.

RUN. [/quote]

AC is right. I did not know this about women 12 years ago and am now in the 12th year of the most miserable time of my life. She will lose respect and you will, to avoid the most horrific fights in front of your kids, spend most of your time compromising yourself. And it will NOT make her happy. Nothing will because she wants the guy who would have had the strength to say “no”.

I did not have enough self esteem and am paying the price. Hope you will do better.

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:

[quote]jewishthunder wrote:
Hey so my girlfriend of 5 years whom I love very much is really pushing to get married. Yesterday. That kind of pressure. Keep in mind we are both 24. Have had some ups and downs in our relationship. We share a dog, apartment and a lot of other random shit. Not that that really matters in this.

To those who have been in the situation of not wanting to get married, what’s the play here. It has gotten to the point of an ultimatum almost of marry her or be single.

I just don’t want to get married right now. It’s not her, it’s just the activity. I don’t wanna.

TL:DR GF of 5 years wants to get married ASAP, I don’t. Thoughts?[/quote]

Be a real man and let her go.

Or be a real man and marry her.

But stringing her along is not honorable. 24 is old enough to be married.[/quote]

[quote]IamMarqaos wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
Run.

If you submit to her ultimatum THIS time, it will set a precedent. She may WANT you to say, “OK, let’s get married”. But in reality, she will lose respect for you and will subconsciously see you for the pushover you would be (for letting a woman brow-beat you into making a life changing decision before YOU are ready). IMHO, you will spend the rest of your miserable life compromising what’s important to you for what’s important to HER. AGAIN AND AGAIN.

Even if you WANT to marry her now, tell her “no” right now and propose to her in a few months. Just so she knows that she isn’t running the show or driving YOUR decisions. You are the fucking MAN. Act like one. YOUR life is YOUR path. She is welcome to walk YOUR path with you. If she successfully takes you off YOUR path, she has effectively castrated you - you may as well cut your own nuts off, put them in a mason jar for her to display on the mantle. Make no mistake about it, this is a shit test and she’s playing for keeps. If you play, you lose. ULTIMATUM = DEAL BREAKER TO MEN WITH SELF ESTEEM AND MATURE BOUNDARIES. YOU CAN DO BETTER.

RUN. [/quote]

AC is right. I did not know this about women 12 years ago and am now in the 12th year of the most miserable time of my life. She will lose respect and you will, to avoid the most horrific fights in front of your kids, spend most of your time compromising yourself. And it will NOT make her happy. Nothing will because she wants the guy who would have had the strength to say “no”.

I did not have enough self esteem and am paying the price. Hope you will do better.
[/quote]

Not too late.

http://marriedmansexlife.com/take-the-red-pill/

Will she convert and/or be happy for your children to be Jewish, get Bar Mitzvahs etc?

Wow. This is really quite simple. You grow a pair of balls and tell the woman to chill her shit out or fucking walk. You care about her blah blah blah but shes free to fucking go at any time if she doesn’t like the way you’re running the show. You’re the man, you make the call, and its as simple as that.

Do it and make her regret it.

That way she wont pull this shit on the next dude she meets when yall divorce a dew months later.

Lemme simplify this for you op

  1. If she really loves you. She will accept you for who and what you are. And how long it takes for you to make up your mind about things. She will take you any way she can get you. Love is patient and blind.

  2. You are pretty much already married its just a legal paper and ceremony. By law she can take half already.

  3. If she is pressuring you into a life changing choice be suspicious as to her motives. Something is tugging at her because its a choice you both need to make. Not one putting the squeeze on the other. This is unfair and not loving at all.

  4. This is a life time decision it can be made at any point in your life.

[quote]IamMarqaos wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
Run.

If you submit to her ultimatum THIS time, it will set a precedent. She may WANT you to say, “OK, let’s get married”. But in reality, she will lose respect for you and will subconsciously see you for the pushover you would be (for letting a woman brow-beat you into making a life changing decision before YOU are ready). IMHO, you will spend the rest of your miserable life compromising what’s important to you for what’s important to HER. AGAIN AND AGAIN.

Even if you WANT to marry her now, tell her “no” right now and propose to her in a few months. Just so she knows that she isn’t running the show or driving YOUR decisions. You are the fucking MAN. Act like one. YOUR life is YOUR path. She is welcome to walk YOUR path with you. If she successfully takes you off YOUR path, she has effectively castrated you - you may as well cut your own nuts off, put them in a mason jar for her to display on the mantle. Make no mistake about it, this is a shit test and she’s playing for keeps. If you play, you lose. ULTIMATUM = DEAL BREAKER TO MEN WITH SELF ESTEEM AND MATURE BOUNDARIES. YOU CAN DO BETTER.

RUN. [/quote]

AC is right. I did not know this about women 12 years ago and am now in the 12th year of the most miserable time of my life. She will lose respect and you will, to avoid the most horrific fights in front of your kids, spend most of your time compromising yourself. And it will NOT make her happy. Nothing will because she wants the guy who would have had the strength to say “no”.

I did not have enough self esteem and am paying the price. Hope you will do better.
[/quote]

oh dear :frowning:

[quote]dirtman wrote:
Lemme simplify this for you op

  1. If she really loves you. She will accept you for who and what you are. And how long it takes for you to make up your mind about things. She will take you any way she can get you. Love is patient and blind.

  2. You are pretty much already married its just a legal paper and ceremony. By law she can take half already.

  3. If she is pressuring you into a life changing choice be suspicious as to her motives. Something is tugging at her because its a choice you both need to make. Not one putting the squeeze on the other. This is unfair and not loving at all.

  4. This is a life time decision it can be made at any point in your life. [/quote]

Re: #2 - Completely wrong. She cannot take legally take half of his stuff now.

[quote]jewishthunder wrote:
I just don’t want to get married right now. It’s not her, it’s just the activity. I don’t wanna.
[/quote]

Haven’t read the other stuff but isn’t getting engaged the simple solution? Ya know, formally agreeing to marry her in the near future. She gets the security and you get the part about doing the ceremony later (in a year or so).

Listen to AC, I was in almost the exact same position a few years ago, now listen closely

IT DID NOT END WELL

AT ALL

[quote]infinite_shore wrote:

[quote]jewishthunder wrote:
I just don’t want to get married right now. It’s not her, it’s just the activity. I don’t wanna.
[/quote]

Haven’t read the other stuff but isn’t getting engaged the simple solution? Ya know, formally agreeing to marry her in the near future. She gets the security and you get the part about doing the ceremony later (in a year or so).[/quote]

That’s the pussy way out. You’re making a show of giving in (which lessens your value to her - great way to start a marriage) while being dishonest and surreptitiously “keeping your options open” (another great way to start a marriage). It’s bullshit.

Don’t ask the question if you don’t mean it.

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]imhungry wrote:

[quote]jewishthunder wrote:

[quote]imhungry wrote:

Did you tell her this?[/quote]

I’ve told her yes that I can see us being married in the near future, within the next year. She wants more of a solid answer than that. I can’t be more sure than that. [/quote]

If you’re being truly honest with her and yourself, then she needs to decide if she can wait until next year. Or, you start looking at rings now.

If not, then she moves on.[/quote]

Agree.[/quote]

This.

Its not hard mentally its all the emotional thrown in that fucks things up. Just fucking sit down and talk all this out, it really is not that hard.

Actually probably more than anything this is what she wants, for you to fucking talk to her, women love to hear your inner thoughts and fears. This is not giving in, this is being an adult and discussing the truth about commitment, what it means to you, your view of what a marriage means in regards to financial, emotional, etc. Then like IH says you both can either move on or make plans as a couple and not a co-dependent “game” bullshit that most young people want to fall into. Having difficult discussions not fights but discussions is what you need to be having now, so that if you do decide to get married in the future this will be how you handle most issues.

Propose via text

[quote]RampantBadger wrote:
Will she convert and/or be happy for your children to be Jewish, get Bar Mitzvahs etc?[/quote]

Any children would not be Jewish unless she converted (or the children convert).

But you are hitting on a key issue; inter-religious marriages are a bad idea for all involved, and are specifically forbidden in the Torah (and also – I understand – in Christianity).

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

[quote]dirtman wrote:
Lemme simplify this for you op

  1. If she really loves you. She will accept you for who and what you are. And how long it takes for you to make up your mind about things. She will take you any way she can get you. Love is patient and blind.

  2. You are pretty much already married its just a legal paper and ceremony. By law she can take half already.

  3. If she is pressuring you into a life changing choice be suspicious as to her motives. Something is tugging at her because its a choice you both need to make. Not one putting the squeeze on the other. This is unfair and not loving at all.

  4. This is a life time decision it can be made at any point in your life. [/quote]

Re: #2 - Completely wrong. She cannot take legally take half of his stuff now.[/quote]

It is in Canada …once you live with a women in residence in a relationship she can take half of your possessions.

http://www.springtideresources.org/resource/fact-sheet-property-division