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Girlfriend Wants to Get Married, Dilemma

Hey so my girlfriend of 5 years whom I love very much is really pushing to get married. Yesterday. That kind of pressure. Keep in mind we are both 24. Have had some ups and downs in our relationship. We share a dog, apartment and a lot of other random shit. Not that that really matters in this.

To those who have been in the situation of not wanting to get married, what’s the play here. It has gotten to the point of an ultimatum almost of marry her or be single.

I just don’t want to get married right now. It’s not her, it’s just the activity. I don’t wanna.

TL:DR GF of 5 years wants to get married ASAP, I don’t. Thoughts?

When do you think you’ll be ready to get married?

That’s the thing. I could easily see us getting engaged next year. I just started a new job and we just moved into this place, so I want a bit of normal and stability before I pop the question. I also just really don’t like the pressuring from her on the subject.

[quote]jewishthunder wrote:
That’s the thing. I could easily see us getting engaged next year. I just started a new job and we just moved into this place, so I want a bit of normal and stability before I pop the question. I also just really don’t like the pressuring from her on the subject. [/quote]

Did you tell her this?

[quote]imhungry wrote:
When do you think you’ll be ready to get married?[/quote]
When the rabbit dies, when the stick turns blue, when the shotgun is cocked.

[quote]imhungry wrote:

Did you tell her this?[/quote]

I’ve told her yes that I can see us being married in the near future, within the next year. She wants more of a solid answer than that. I can’t be more sure than that.

[quote]jewishthunder wrote:
Hey so my girlfriend of 5 years whom I love very much is really pushing to get married. Yesterday. That kind of pressure. Keep in mind we are both 24. Have had some ups and downs in our relationship. We share a dog, apartment and a lot of other random shit. Not that that really matters in this.

To those who have been in the situation of not wanting to get married, what’s the play here. It has gotten to the point of an ultimatum almost of marry her or be single.

I just don’t want to get married right now. It’s not her, it’s just the activity. I don’t wanna.

TL:DR GF of 5 years wants to get married ASAP, I don’t. Thoughts?[/quote]

Be a real man and let her go.

Or be a real man and marry her.

But stringing her along is not honorable. 24 is old enough to be married.

[quote]jewishthunder wrote:

[quote]imhungry wrote:

Did you tell her this?[/quote]

I’ve told her yes that I can see us being married in the near future, within the next year. She wants more of a solid answer than that. I can’t be more sure than that. [/quote]

Don’t let her pressure you into it. I’ve known two other guys who had marriage ultimatums put on them. Both married before they were ready. One is divorced and the other is trudging day by day through a crappy marriage for his kids.

Tell her you are not ready yet. If she gives you the line about how you would if you loved her, tell her she wouldn’t be pressuring you into a life-long commitment before you are ready if she really loved you.

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

[quote]jewishthunder wrote:

[quote]imhungry wrote:

Did you tell her this?[/quote]

I’ve told her yes that I can see us being married in the near future, within the next year. She wants more of a solid answer than that. I can’t be more sure than that. [/quote]

Don’t let her pressure you into it. I’ve known two other guys who had marriage ultimatums put on them. Both married before they were ready. One is divorced and the other is trudging day by day through a crappy marriage for his kids.

Tell her you are not ready yet. If she gives you the line about how you would if you loved her, tell her she wouldn’t be pressuring you into a life-long commitment before you are ready if she really loved you.[/quote]

Not to preface a self fulfilling prophecy but I feel like that’s exactly where the conversation will go tonight. It’s what I was thinking most of the day too.

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:

[quote]jewishthunder wrote:
Hey so my girlfriend of 5 years whom I love very much is really pushing to get married. Yesterday. That kind of pressure. Keep in mind we are both 24. Have had some ups and downs in our relationship. We share a dog, apartment and a lot of other random shit. Not that that really matters in this.

To those who have been in the situation of not wanting to get married, what’s the play here. It has gotten to the point of an ultimatum almost of marry her or be single.

I just don’t want to get married right now. It’s not her, it’s just the activity. I don’t wanna.

TL:DR GF of 5 years wants to get married ASAP, I don’t. Thoughts?[/quote]

Be a real man and let her go.

Or be a real man and marry her.

But stringing her along is not honorable. 24 is old enough to be married.[/quote]

I don’t think it comes down to an age thing, I mentioned that to give perspective. We spent three of our years together through college. I don’t see it as stringing along, because I haven’t told her “maybe, or yea someday” I am giving her pretty detailed terms. Maybe I just don’t see it that way but she does.

[quote]super saiyan wrote:
Tell her you are not ready yet. If she gives you the line about how you would if you loved her, tell her she wouldn’t be pressuring you into a life-long commitment before you are ready if she really loved you.[/quote]

This.

You’re already living together and you already have a life together. Unless it’s a waiting-until-marriage-for-sex issue (which I’m doubting, considering you’re living together). Maybe try to figure out why she’s pressuring you? What’s the rush? Of course, that could open a can of worms, which is why I said “maybe”.

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:

[quote]jewishthunder wrote:
Hey so my girlfriend of 5 years whom I love very much is really pushing to get married. Yesterday. That kind of pressure. Keep in mind we are both 24. Have had some ups and downs in our relationship. We share a dog, apartment and a lot of other random shit. Not that that really matters in this.

To those who have been in the situation of not wanting to get married, what’s the play here. It has gotten to the point of an ultimatum almost of marry her or be single.

I just don’t want to get married right now. It’s not her, it’s just the activity. I don’t wanna.

TL:DR GF of 5 years wants to get married ASAP, I don’t. Thoughts?[/quote]

Be a real man and let her go.

Or be a real man and marry her.

But stringing her along is not honorable. 24 is old enough to be married.[/quote]

He isn’t stringing her along…he said he would be willing to propose within the next year. Besides, what does age have to do with anything? Just because someone is ready at 24 doesn’t mean someone else is: age is irrelevent in this context.

To the OP, I would suggest trying to figure out the deeper reason why she is pressuring you to get married. It is most likely the insecurity of not knowing when the next step will be: but as you already implied, you have already told her you would be willing to propose within the next year, and she want’s a more “solid answer.”

If anything, just re-enforce the notion that you are completely dedicated to her, and you want to make sure that you have all your ducks lined up before you propose, because it is not something you take lightly: just make her feel that everything you’re doing is for her benefit, and try to make her feel as secure about the decision to hold off as possible.

[quote]jewishthunder wrote:

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

[quote]jewishthunder wrote:

[quote]imhungry wrote:

Did you tell her this?[/quote]

I’ve told her yes that I can see us being married in the near future, within the next year. She wants more of a solid answer than that. I can’t be more sure than that. [/quote]

Don’t let her pressure you into it. I’ve known two other guys who had marriage ultimatums put on them. Both married before they were ready. One is divorced and the other is trudging day by day through a crappy marriage for his kids.

Tell her you are not ready yet. If she gives you the line about how you would if you loved her, tell her she wouldn’t be pressuring you into a life-long commitment before you are ready if she really loved you.[/quote]

Not to preface a self fulfilling prophecy but I feel like that’s exactly where the conversation will go tonight. It’s what I was thinking most of the day too. [/quote]

Why do you want to marry her? What is it about her that makes her a good match for you? What are your deal breakers? Do any of those apply to her?

I think if you can’t put it into words then you haven’t thought about it enough, and you need to start doing that.

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

Don’t let her pressure you into it. I’ve known two other guys who had marriage ultimatums put on them. Both married before they were ready. One is divorced and the other is trudging day by day through a crappy marriage for his kids.

Tell her you are not ready yet. If she gives you the line about how you would if you loved her, tell her she wouldn’t be pressuring you into a life-long commitment before you are ready if she really loved you.[/quote]

x2 If you aren’t ready, you aren’t ready. It’s better to lose a girl, and spend a couple more years finding the right one, than being miserable for the rest of your life or having to give up half your salary every year if you get divorced.

[quote]jewishthunder wrote:
Hey so my girlfriend of 5 years whom I love very much is really pushing to get married. Yesterday. That kind of pressure. Keep in mind we are both 24. Have had some ups and downs in our relationship. We share a dog, apartment and a lot of other random shit. Not that that really matters in this.

To those who have been in the situation of not wanting to get married, what’s the play here. It has gotten to the point of an ultimatum almost of marry her or be single.

I just don’t want to get married right now. It’s not her, it’s just the activity. I don’t wanna.

TL:DR GF of 5 years wants to get married ASAP, I don’t. Thoughts?[/quote]

A woman who you supposedly love and cherish demands marriage?

Sounds like a typical “I want to be a princess” for one day and not really understand that marriage is a life long institution.

Oh and I laughed at the “we share a dog and apartment” part. There is a saying where you keep your best friend the dog and let the bitch have the house.

Quite suitable to your situation as I believe it will end in divorce come your late 20s. Will Fido be alive then?

[quote]jewishthunder wrote:

[quote]imhungry wrote:

Did you tell her this?[/quote]

I’ve told her yes that I can see us being married in the near future, within the next year. She wants more of a solid answer than that. I can’t be more sure than that. [/quote]

If you’re being truly honest with her and yourself, then she needs to decide if she can wait until next year. Or, you start looking at rings now.

If not, then she moves on.

[quote]harrypotter wrote:

[quote]jewishthunder wrote:
Hey so my girlfriend of 5 years whom I love very much is really pushing to get married. Yesterday. That kind of pressure. Keep in mind we are both 24. Have had some ups and downs in our relationship. We share a dog, apartment and a lot of other random shit. Not that that really matters in this.

To those who have been in the situation of not wanting to get married, what’s the play here. It has gotten to the point of an ultimatum almost of marry her or be single.

I just don’t want to get married right now. It’s not her, it’s just the activity. I don’t wanna.

TL:DR GF of 5 years wants to get married ASAP, I don’t. Thoughts?[/quote]

A woman who you supposedly love and cherish demands marriage?

Sounds like a typical “I want to be a princess” for one day and not really understand that marriage is a life long institution.

Oh and I laughed at the “we share a dog and apartment” part. There is a saying where you keep your best friend the dog and let the bitch have the house.

Quite suitable to your situation as I believe it will end in divorce come your late 20s. Will Fido be alive then?
[/quote]

Fido aka Tozza will probably still be alive then, she’s just a pup now. I would fight to the end for that little bugger.

[quote]imhungry wrote:

[quote]jewishthunder wrote:

[quote]imhungry wrote:

Did you tell her this?[/quote]

I’ve told her yes that I can see us being married in the near future, within the next year. She wants more of a solid answer than that. I can’t be more sure than that. [/quote]

If you’re being truly honest with her and yourself, then she needs to decide if she can wait until next year. Or, you start looking at rings now.

If not, then she moves on.[/quote]

This more or less sums up what my options are right now. I really don’t know if she would hold on for a year, which really makes me question her resolve and dedication to our relationship. In the scheme of a lifetime together, what’s a year?
I have already been looking at rings, I understand you were using that metaphorically but it’s not like I am just running her around with saying “oh next year, next year, next year”. I am serious. I just don’t want it now. Simple as that.

[quote]jewishthunder wrote:

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:

[quote]jewishthunder wrote:
Hey so my girlfriend of 5 years whom I love very much is really pushing to get married. Yesterday. That kind of pressure. Keep in mind we are both 24. Have had some ups and downs in our relationship. We share a dog, apartment and a lot of other random shit. Not that that really matters in this.

To those who have been in the situation of not wanting to get married, what’s the play here. It has gotten to the point of an ultimatum almost of marry her or be single.

I just don’t want to get married right now. It’s not her, it’s just the activity. I don’t wanna.

TL:DR GF of 5 years wants to get married ASAP, I don’t. Thoughts?[/quote]

Be a real man and let her go.

Or be a real man and marry her.

But stringing her along is not honorable. 24 is old enough to be married.[/quote]

I don’t think it comes down to an age thing, I mentioned that to give perspective. We spent three of our years together through college. I don’t see it as stringing along, because I haven’t told her “maybe, or yea someday” I am giving her pretty detailed terms. Maybe I just don’t see it that way but she does.[/quote]

That’s plenty of time to know if you want her to bear your children and take care of you in your dottage.

Go read the last chapter of Proverbs. If she meets about 80% of this (converted to modern terms), marry her, if you are worthy.

If not, run away.