T Nation

Girlfriend Moving, Advice Needed

Hello guys and girl

I moved down south from up north (England)2 years ago as the girl I met at university wanted to move back home. I have barely adjusted to it but made the sacrifice as we both love each other alot and talk about marriage etc and all the usual things. We are currently living with her parents whilst we save for a deposit to buy (which seems to be neverending.

She has managed to get herself on a 2 year grad scheme. One of the best around which is great and I am happy for her. However it is two 6 month placements and one 12 month placement all around the country so she will have to keep moving around. Her first placement starts in september in Birmingham so she will be moving there.

She wants me to go but this will be extremely tricky to change jobs/find new one plus I will have to do it all again in 6 months! I dont however want to stay down her eon my own with her parents!? The only option is looking for a houseshare/flat back up north which feels like the most backwards self defeating step ever and will inevitably put great pressure on our relationship as it will feel like a backward step. she is sad at the thought of me not going and has suggested she should not do the job. but it is a great oportunity and she should do it.

Does anyone have any advice or in a similar situation>?

Many thanks,

If you really love her and are in it for the long haul then you make it work. Would it suck to move a few times? Yeah, but who cares? Would it suck to move back up north and do the long distance thing for two years? Yeah, but who cares?

If you guys are going to get married and be together forever then what is 2 years? That’s nothing if you’re going to be together for the next 40-50 years.

If she isn’t “the one” then cut your losses now and move on.

It sounds like a tuff situation and I don’t have any advise but it would be hilarious if you broke up with her but still stayed at her parents.

does she have any sisters?

see if they’d be down for some action while the GF relo’s~

your island is not exactly big, just visit on weekends…

Greg is right, if she is truly “the one”, find a way to make it work, but also keep time in perspective. Long distance relationships suck and mostly fail, but 6 months is not unreasonable if you have to be apart for one of her placements. It would be over before you know it, and if the relationship is strong enough, 6 months shouldn’t be a deal breaker.

Even if you do have to go long distance, isn’t England only a couple hundred miles from tip to tip at the most? Do you have a car? That would barely be long distance at all (compared to “long distance” in the U.S.) and you could manage by seeing each other on weekends.

altho Britain is an island, I don’t think many of the residents drive.

they take the metro or something like that.

Lol it’s at least 400 miles from tip to tip.

OP, like gregron said, if you want to be with her, you’ll make sacrifices for her happiness. But be wary you don’t give everything you have and get nothing in return. Long distance relationships are tough as hell, and both of you need to be fully committed to each other for it to work.

[quote]Consul wrote:
Lol it’s at least 400 miles from tip to tip.

OP, like gregron said, if you want to be with her, you’ll make sacrifices for her happiness. But be wary you don’t give everything you have and get nothing in return. Long distance relationships are tough as hell, and both of you need to be fully committed to each other for it to work.[/quote]

Wow really 400 miles. That is nothing.

Texas is 850 across

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]Consul wrote:
Lol it’s at least 400 miles from tip to tip.

OP, like gregron said, if you want to be with her, you’ll make sacrifices for her happiness. But be wary you don’t give everything you have and get nothing in return. Long distance relationships are tough as hell, and both of you need to be fully committed to each other for it to work.[/quote]

Wow really 400 miles. That is nothing.

Texas is 850 across[/quote]

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]Consul wrote:
Lol it’s at least 400 miles from tip to tip.

OP, like gregron said, if you want to be with her, you’ll make sacrifices for her happiness. But be wary you don’t give everything you have and get nothing in return. Long distance relationships are tough as hell, and both of you need to be fully committed to each other for it to work.[/quote]

Wow really 400 miles. That is nothing.

Texas is 850 across[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]Consul wrote:
Lol it’s at least 400 miles from tip to tip.

OP, like gregron said, if you want to be with her, you’ll make sacrifices for her happiness. But be wary you don’t give everything you have and get nothing in return. Long distance relationships are tough as hell, and both of you need to be fully committed to each other for it to work.[/quote]

Wow really 400 miles. That is nothing.

Texas is 850 across[/quote]
[/quote]
[/quote]

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]Consul wrote:
Lol it’s at least 400 miles from tip to tip.

OP, like gregron said, if you want to be with her, you’ll make sacrifices for her happiness. But be wary you don’t give everything you have and get nothing in return. Long distance relationships are tough as hell, and both of you need to be fully committed to each other for it to work.[/quote]

Wow really 400 miles. That is nothing.

Texas is 850 across[/quote]
[/quote]
[/quote]
[/quote]

Arent your from Cali?

Can you afford with your present income your own flat/share where you are now and still put a little savings away for your future plans?

If yes, then move out of her parents place and keep your job and your own future open. 2 years is a long time to be apart and she has to prove her love to you as well as you yours to her.

Believe me, if you both love each other you’ll both find a way to see each other every couple of weeks and do passionate stuff together. At the same time you both will be cementing the foundation of your future lifes together. Good luck and protect yourself just in case everything goes bad.

Your’s truely,

Ann Landers

If you to love eachother and are willing to make it work it will. I was in a long distance relationship i lived in washington state and my girlfriend lived in mass and this was almost 2 years. We are now married so just use skype alot and porn.

Wow thanks for the reponses guys-both the serious ones and the not so serious ones for lightening the mood. I guess the general concensus is that I should probs keep it together with her although were I go is slightly unclear. As with nearly everyone my age (23) in this country the level of real income is p*ss poor compared to other generations so I would be lookign to go into a house share. I have no intention of staying at her parent even though I have it good.

I think alot of you have put it into perspective though so thanks. driving wise would be 3 or 4 hours but I guess america is pretty big and if people over there can do it then I have nothin major to moan about.

Just sucks as we are best mates more than anything and our spare time is spent usually with each other.

distance sucks, but a 3-4 hour commute on the weekends for some lovin isnt that bad. Plus im sure your public transit system is actually usuable.

[quote]Mancman23 wrote:
Hello guys and girl

I moved down south from up north (England)2 years ago as the girl I met at university wanted to move back home. I have barely adjusted to it but made the sacrifice as we both love each other alot and talk about marriage etc and all the usual things. We are currently living with her parents whilst we save for a deposit to buy (which seems to be neverending.

She has managed to get herself on a 2 year grad scheme. One of the best around which is great and I am happy for her. However it is two 6 month placements and one 12 month placement all around the country so she will have to keep moving around. Her first placement starts in september in Birmingham so she will be moving there.

She wants me to go but this will be extremely tricky to change jobs/find new one plus I will have to do it all again in 6 months! I dont however want to stay down her eon my own with her parents!? The only option is looking for a houseshare/flat back up north which feels like the most backwards self defeating step ever and will inevitably put great pressure on our relationship as it will feel like a backward step. she is sad at the thought of me not going and has suggested she should not do the job. but it is a great oportunity and she should do it.

Does anyone have any advice or in a similar situation>?

Many thanks,[/quote]

Dave Ramsey says stay with her parents and save the money up.

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]Consul wrote:
Lol it’s at least 400 miles from tip to tip.

OP, like gregron said, if you want to be with her, you’ll make sacrifices for her happiness. But be wary you don’t give everything you have and get nothing in return. Long distance relationships are tough as hell, and both of you need to be fully committed to each other for it to work.[/quote]

Wow really 400 miles. That is nothing.

Texas is 850 across[/quote]
[/quote]
[/quote]
[/quote]

That picture is clearly from Austin, which is not part of Texas. Someone dropped a piece of California there, just like they did Sante Fe, NM.

[quote]Cuso wrote:
Can you afford with your present income your own flat/share where you are now and still put a little savings away for your future plans?

If yes, then move out of her parents place and keep your job and your own future open. 2 years is a long time to be apart and she has to prove her love to you as well as you yours to her.

Believe me, if you both love each other you’ll both find a way to see each other every couple of weeks and do passionate stuff together. At the same time you both will be cementing the foundation of your future lifes together. Good luck and protect yourself just in case everything goes bad.

Your’s truely,

Ann Landers[/quote]

I don’t find anything wrong with your post but you and some others seem to think love conquers all. The truth is life is more complex than that and sometimes the wrong decisions get made.