T Nation

Girlfriend issues

I’m 23 dating an older woman in her 30’s. Shes absolutely beautiful, looks like she’s 20 and gets hit on by men and women of every age, no joke. She swears she loves me and thinks I’m the greatest guy she ever met, and wants to go out w/ me. Even being older she goes out all the time. She goes to tons of clubs and bars, and its starting to get to me. She also has a perfect body, she’s around 5’10", 110 lbs, no fat and big breasts. Its starting to be a problem though b/c the way she dresses. Shes wearing practically NOTHING when she goes out, half tops w/ her stomach alway showing, cleavage showing, sleveless, backless shirts. She wont change how she dresses and says she just loves summer and wants to look cute out. Swearing it has nothing to do with attracting guys, and I think BULLSHIT. One thing is she does usually want me to go out w/ her, but it still bothers me making me think she just wants the attention from other guys. She gets hit on more than I can deal with, everywhere she goes, its sometimes too stressful. Is it possible she dresses so revealing just to look cute, and not to attract guys??? I dont trust anyone so I don’t buy it, but she is convincing how she always wants me there, and how she talks me up, and even calls me several times when she is out saying she misses me. Help a jealous (immature) guy out.

So what if other guys look at her?! They’re not having sex with her are they? you need to chill out.

Stop being a freak. You don’t own her and if you start telling what to wear and what to do she will grow tired of you and find someone else. Jealousy is an ugly trait that will destroy your relationship.

Count your blessings. It sounds like she really likes you… if she didn’t, she wouldn’t keep calling, and she definitely wouldn’t put up with this nonsense. I don’t know how hot it is where you live, but if it’s scorching out, then it is legitimate for her to wear less. If she ain’t cheating on you, just go to a therapist and work out your insecurities.

i know that its easier said than done,but,what you need to do is calm down and then evaluate your relationship.how are things elsewhere between you guys,that will give you the ultimate answer to your question.butreally, any good relationship has got to have trust otherwise your gonna keep going through what your feeling now,forever.either you trust her or you don’t.if you don’t,you need to decide if everything else is worth it.;other than her way of dressing,does she give you any other reason to mistrust her?if not,be happy!half the guys in the world would give there eye teeth to see their significant other get in shape and dress like a hotty.hope it works out,man

Don’t worry, I’ll clear up the situation once and for all…post her picture and let us know where she lives and what club she goes to…:slight_smile:

To inject a politically incorrect point of view here… just stop seeing her. You’re gonna be miserable having to put up with all of her admirers anyway. Just find yourself a nice girl who has a little more respect for the way you feel. Trust me… it’s just not worth the aggravation. However, if you could somehow miraculously get over other guys hitting on her and staring at her all the time, then maybe you could just stay with her… until of course you eventually catch her cheating on you at which point you’ll probably end up dumping her anyway. Good luck :slight_smile:

as long as she’s not hooking up with other guys, be happy she takes pride in her appearance. However, the fact she’s alot older than you means she’s more experienced with relationships and probably knows every trick in the book (mind games too play in relationships) so be careful with your feelings for her…

The fact that she’s female means that she knows every headgame in the book.

I think I’m the only one here that is in the same situation as you. The ages are reversed, though. I’m 33, and my girlfriend is 22. In a typical night out, I have to count on fingers and toes how many times she gets hit on. (men and women both)
Your major problem is your self-esteem. Find a way to think more of yourself. I’m assuming that you don’t find yourself that attractive, because that’s the way I feel. Perhaps she values other traits that you possess. Next time you go out, try to count how many hot women you see with ugly or average looking guys. I think it will surprise you. Remember, women don’t value physical appearance as highly as men do. I’ve been with my girl for 2 1/2 years now, and I know how frustrating it can be. Sometimes you just want to scream. Good luck.

Steve, I couldn’t agree with you more. It’s not politically incorrect, it’s the truth (as is often the case). Anyway, Flex, I want to second some of my friend’s points. If you are in this relationship for a long-term commitment, then you may need to look elsewhere. To the rest of the posters who say that you can just get over it, I say bullshit. I’ve dated this type. She is overly concerned about her appearance. That doesn’t leave much room for the man. Either she cuts down on the clubbing until you reach 21 so you can accompany her, or give her the boot. You know the answer to your question about why she dresses this way. If you are in this for something that is more than casual, then ask her to do things with you. What’s wrong with a little private dancing? Do not let an older woman play mind games with you. If you want her to respect you, don’t play the lapdog. When she calls from the club, don’t pick up the phone. Go out with girlfriends and say repeatedly that you are just friends. Play the game to win. Hope I have helped. Good luck and keep us informed.

I agree. There’s nothing for you to get over or be more secure about. Sounds like she can’t get enough attention from men and has chosen a younger guy in part because she knows younger guys know fewer tricks of the game…

Obviously this is an issue for you. If you have explained your concerns to her and she continues to show complete disregard for your feelings then ultimately you have a choice to make. You shouldn’t control what she wears, but she should meet you half way and consider your feelings too. I’m sure there is a middle ground somewhere. If you can’t come to some sort of mutually acceptable agreement then you might have to consider the long term effects this will have on your relationship and if you should be in a relationship with someone who does not consider your feelings on a subject that could be detrimental to your future with that person.

I appreciate everyones input, and I do realize it is immature of me. I’ve really been thinking about it myself and from what everyone is saying, and I say screw it, I only live once and probably aren’t marrying someone 13 years older, so why worry so much. I’m not happy about it but she does try to show me in every other way she cares and will compromise. Even with this issue she agreed that when we go out together she will tone it down, but w/ her friends she’ll wear what she wants. Not exactly ideal, but at least there is a little middle ground.

Dude, you’re in trouble. If she’s dressing so hot, it means she’s ready to jump ship as soon as things get even a little bit bad. Trust me, I know from personal experience. Have fun, get laid, but don’t expect it to last because it probably won’t.

Maybe she’s insecure and craves constant attention, so she dresses like that to attract attention and admiration. If she’s really 110 lbs. at 5’10", she must be anorexic.

Grow a set of testicles.

Work on your appearance as much as possible. Building your on self esteem up will make you feel less threatened by those hitting on her, and when people start trying to pick you up in front of her she’ll realize what she has and could lose. Plus if she’s really hot, that’ll make more women hit on you. It’s been my experience that another woman only poses some sort of competition. I tend to get hit on the most when I am with my girl. Also, if you carry yourself well, most guys won’t hit on your girl in front of you (unless there’s a group of them.) In summary, stand tall, know that you can always get ass, and walk like you can whip ass.

well, i’m not gonna hammer you like everybody else, but,if you’re going out with her to all these clubs and bars then i think you’re worrying too much and just need to chill a bit. although, if i had a girlfriend frequently going to clubs by herself or with friends, but not me, then i would absolutely be concerned. if this starts to happen then you have a problem…(on a side note,as much as i like dancing, i’ve got to admit clubs are full of scumbags and sluts, so thats something to keep in mind)by the way i’m 24 and dating a 32 year old, its going pretty well, good luck, brian