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Girlfriend is nervous...

Here’s the deal: Shes 17, I’m 16. Were both virgins (shes given oral sex once…ive enjoyed a few more BJ’s then shes given)We’ve been going out for 2-3 months. In both our cases the first “real” relationship w/ true feelings. Although I’ve never pressured her to do anything she told me shes afraid of the penis. She would like oral sex but the “nervousness always overcomes her”. So what should I do?? I told her if she’s scared we can wait, but she told me she wanted to. Should I pursue it and try and make her comfortable and if so, how?? Thanks so much for all your help.

While I discourage any breaking of the law in the strongest tone, obviously you guys need liquor.

thats obviously what all my friends say, besides for dump her ass…
But the thing is I care about her…(dont u hate when that happens)

I was hoping for something a little more sensitive and less “assholish” then getting her drunk

Firstly, do you mean to say she’s afraid of you giving her oral sex or of giving you oral sex? It’s unclear given how you stated it above.


Secondly, if you’re both virgins and you’re as young as you are, you can afford to wait and just let things progress naturally – you’ve only been dating for 2-3 months after all. If and when you do get down to actual sex, just make sure to go really slowly – go as slowly as you think you should, and then slow that down to twice as slow again.


To be blunt, it’s going to hurt her the first few times, but the more relaxed you can make her and the more turned on you get her (give her oral first) the better it will be. If you’re not sure how to give her good oral, check out the sex articles on Askmen.com – they have some good tutorials.


Good luck and Merry Christmas.

Ah, I think I may have misunderstood your question before. If she’s scared of giving you oral sex, just talk about it and get her to trust you – she’s probably scared you’ll shoot in her mouth. Assure her you’ll let her know first, and that she can go as slowly as she wants. She may also be scared that she doesn’t know how to do it properly – no good advice on that one other than having her watch a porn movie, but that might not be something you want to do at this stage. You could try telling her what you like if it’s not too awkward though.

Not just her dude, you too. Obviously you could loosen up a little yourself, she is probably waiting on you…truthfully it is not that complex an issue… and if the two of you get past it it will diminish in retrospect…just a suggestion.

You need to get her comfortable with her body and with your body before you proceed to intercourse. Try touching at first, proceed to massaging and stimulating, then kissing her all over her body. Lastly, try giving her oral sex. Then try the same in reverse. Once she is completely comfortable both ways she will be ready for intercourse.

You’re too young to be having sex anyway. At 16 yrs old you cannot possibly be mature enough or financially secure enough to risk the possibility of pregnancy and/or kids.

Ok. The most important thing is just to wait until you are ready. And when you are BOTH ready, it will happen and she wont be afraid. Although if you can talk her into trying, I agree just to take it slow and start simple.

pda: You must be a parent, and being in my early 20’s I can remember my parents giving me the “15 minutes can ruin your life lecture”, and although when I look back yes 16 is young, I have a hard time hearing the advice that they are too young and not financially stable enough in case of her getting pregnant. Although yes that is a MAJOR concern and must be talked about in case something were to happen prior to sexual relations starting, teenagers will be teenagers, and when you are 16, you think you are old enough to do a lot of things you should not be doing.


So yes, coming from an older view, I agree with you…but telling them that will only make them not listen to you. You never never never want to hear the words “you are too young” when you are growing up, especially when you are a teenager and even more so when you are a teenager and the topic pertains to sex!

Wow, I never knew you could get pregnant from a blowjob! Lol.

I think MTL has hit the nail on the head. You have to get her to trust you with her body. I have just started a relationship with a 28 year old, and I had the same problem with her. She had only ever orgasmed by herself before me. It took me a couple of weeks of petting before I could bring her out of her shell, and I've done this a lot before. Just be patient, understanding, but also manly. Assert yourself, and make her want to be a woman for you.

You really need to check the statutory rape laws in your state. You’re in delicate years where the law might not like you. In SC, you can’t be more than two years apart (say, 18 nd 16) until both parties are 18 years old. But, it differs from state to state.


Not that I’m a pervert. I used to counsel kids.

I never uderstand why girls are scared of me? They keep me in the dark all the time and then when I finally get out I’m either staring at a urinal or a screaming girl running away. Life sucks, I hope 2003 is better for me or I might be of to Sweden for some plastic surgery. I hear from my vagina friends they don’t have to deal with this kind of things. Happy New Year all.

A lot of time girls are afraid of intimate contact because they’re trained to believe it’s “dirty” down there, or they are afraid they might smell bad when you go down on them. Try taking a shower together. That’s pretty erotic and it solves any worries about odor. If it finally comes to actual first intercourse, be sure to use some lubricant, especially if its her first time. It might seem strange to have KY all over her and in her, but it’s well worth the time. Also, put a tiny bit of KY inside the tip of the condom. That’s a trick they don’t tell guys very often. Also, empower her to do her own contraception. Get her some contraceptive jelly or contraceptive inserts so she gets used to being in charge of her body. But still use a condom. Finally, guys tend to immediately think of themselves when having any kind of sexual contact. You should be careful that anything you do, you do TOGETHER, and it’s not something you do TO her.

Actually I am 21 yrs old. I am not a parent. I am apalled by the fact that no one else in this thread has seen the situation in the same light that I have.

Are you focusing more on the emotional aspect or risk of children? Are you also opposed to sex between non-married adults? What is the source of your opinions? You don’t seem to be influenced by religion.

I’m with PDA on this one. J, as the father of a 17-year-old girl, I would advise you that not only are you risking pregnancy, you are also risking getting your nuts cut off by her father. You may think that’s some kind of joke, but I can guarantee you it’s not. Keep your pants zipped until you are old enough to deal with ALL of the consequences of your actions. You and she can live without having sex until then.

Sorry, I have to side with some of the guys here. You’re too young for sex, and the consequences and responsibilities of sex. I’m not just talking physical here. Sex is also very ‘mental’ especially for women. There are LOTS of things to do besides sex… Kissing and petting can be quite an adventure all by itself. If she is nervous the best thing you can do for both of you is to discuss and decide on boundries - like no matter what you are NOT having sex - and then just spend time getting comfortable with yourselves and each other. Regardless of what one post said - ‘teenagers will be teenagers’ is an EXTREMELY immature attitude to have. Sex makes babies (and VERY angry fathers) so until you are sure you are ready, don’t do it.

On another note, I spent over 2 years in a relationship before we had sex. And this was in college, so we were sleeping in the same bed every night. We had plenty of fun, and sex was just out of the question. Trust me, you can wait on the sex and still have a good time.

I am whit Michelle on this one… Have lots of petting and discover each other’s body but don’t have sex for a while.Anyway, how about you? How many times you have gone done on her :wink: You MUST aim to please. About her nervousness… Just ask Nate Dogg and he will tell you that, if there is any complication… just eat more Pussy :slight_smile: Very important!

Totally. You guys are kind of young. Most of us in here that are saying that are probably hypocrites, but we say it for good reason. I have two kids (both boys). But if I found my sixteen year old daughter face-down in some guys lap, he’d be leaving my house in an ambulance. And that goes for my sons too. They better not be doing anything with anybody until they can bear the emotional and financial burdens (like a baby) of an intimate sexual relationship.
So wait on it. The sex doesn’t get REALLY good until you’re in your mid-twenties anyway.

How do you feel about this girl? If it’s mutual love, I think it’s difficult to tell you to wait. You should, of course, take things slowly. Make sure you can satisfy each other orally first. That should take awhile. Just remember that there won’t be anyone like her “first”. If you’re thinking about dumping her any time soon, don’t even consider doing this. But if you plan on staying with her, take it slow and enjoy.

And Stew, is it really fair to blame the guy (the whole him leaving in an ambulance thing) for your daughter's supposed transgression? I think we all sometimes try to find moral reasons to prevent those we love from doing things that we don't want them to do.