[quote]LoRez wrote:
[quote]MikeMezz wrote:
[quote]usmccds423 wrote:
I’m similar in that I really like (need) some alone time during the week. For me it is usually the gym also. The difference is my wife support me.
It’s a tough situation. You need to find a way to get her to see why you like/need this time. Otherwise it’s going to be a relationship of fighting.
Are you making enough time for her? Could you re-prioritize so both of you are happy? Is she a hypocrite (what I mean is, does she have something similiar she likes/needs to do that takes time away from the two of you)?
You need to communicate with her at a time when the two of you aren’t fighting about this. Sit down on Sunday morning with a cup of coffee and talk it out. You need to set boudaries and get a better understanding of expecations (on both sides) as far as your relationship is concerned. [/quote]
Getting her to see why I need this time is a good point to bring up. She needs to understand that the “space” I need is not because I don’t like her or don’t want to be around her, or anything like that. I want (need) this space because I want the relationship to work! And I didn’t realize that until just now. Too much of this constant contact will make me want more distance. I want her in my life, and thus I need the space to let this thing grow. I don’t need constant contact to feel loved by a person; I’m more like a cat. I get it, but I don’t need the constant affirmation to know it’s going well, or to feel comfortable.
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You may want to consider offering her something in return. Not in the “I’ll do this if you do that” sense (you really don’t want to start down that path, especially with something that’s this critical to who you are), but more as a token of appreciation.
Right now it seems she equates quantity of time with quality of time. Maybe even sees it as more important.
Spend some time every week doing something she considers high quality time (even if you don’t), and maybe even schedule it so that she can look forward to it every week. Basically use a short period of very high quality time together to counteract the quantity of time you’re spending away from her. Sleep in and make her breakfast in bed once a week, or a weekly “date night”, or something of the sort… whatever works really well for her. (It’s not like you’re really sacrificing anything here, it works out for both of you.)
As far as the whole school thing and hobbies and such, I kinda get that. My girlfriend just finished her pediatric residency and took her board exam, so for the first time in her life she’s not spending all of her time studying or training. She finally has time to actually find some hobbies.
Even so, we found that shorter periods of high quality time seem to be better for the relationship than just “spending all our time together when we’re not working”.[/quote]
Good post Lorez