Girlfriend Doesn't Understand My Lifestyle

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

[quote]MikeMezz wrote:
But that’s my main question: is that what a relationship is supposed to be? Am I the one who has a warped perception of it all? [/quote]

No, it’s not you. If you give in now, you are screwed. You will resent the hell out of her and she will see this as a win and try to further control you. And if you break up a while down the road you will be pissed you gave up all that training time.
[/quote]

This.

Plus its a shittest.

Also, insecurity and controling behavior go hand in hand.

[quote]MikeMezz wrote:
I have tried to get her to come with me, but she just doesn’t have any interest whatsoever. And the hardest thing about this is that she has no hobbies at all. Nothing. When I ask her what makes her happy the only thing she says is me. That’s not healthy, is it? [/quote]

Not only does that sound unhealthy, but I’d recommend having her see a mental health professional.

[quote]CroatianRage wrote:

[quote]StevenF wrote:

[quote]MikeMezz wrote:
And the hardest thing about this is that she has no hobbies at all. Nothing. When I ask her what makes her happy the only thing she says is me. That’s not healthy, is it?
[/quote]

no its not. [/quote]

It is her responsibility to be happy, not yours.[/quote]
What an excellent statement. I learned this the hard way. When someone puts all the pressure of their own happiness on you, they will blame you for everything.

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]CroatianRage wrote:

[quote]StevenF wrote:

[quote]MikeMezz wrote:
And the hardest thing about this is that she has no hobbies at all. Nothing. When I ask her what makes her happy the only thing she says is me. That’s not healthy, is it?
[/quote]

no its not. [/quote]

It is her responsibility to be happy, not yours.[/quote]
What an excellent statement. I learned this the hard way. When someone puts all the pressure of their own happiness on you, they will blame you for everything.[/quote]

Yes! Everything that goes wrong is always my fault in her eyes. She can’t see that she’s pushing me away with her incessant, controlling behavior. . .

Might she have a serious problem, like someone else here has suggested?

[quote]MikeMezz wrote:

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:
I’m similar in that I really like (need) some alone time during the week. For me it is usually the gym also. The difference is my wife support me.

It’s a tough situation. You need to find a way to get her to see why you like/need this time. Otherwise it’s going to be a relationship of fighting.

Are you making enough time for her? Could you re-prioritize so both of you are happy? Is she a hypocrite (what I mean is, does she have something similiar she likes/needs to do that takes time away from the two of you)?

You need to communicate with her at a time when the two of you aren’t fighting about this. Sit down on Sunday morning with a cup of coffee and talk it out. You need to set boudaries and get a better understanding of expecations (on both sides) as far as your relationship is concerned. [/quote]

Getting her to see why I need this time is a good point to bring up. She needs to understand that the “space” I need is not because I don’t like her or don’t want to be around her, or anything like that. I want (need) this space because I want the relationship to work! And I didn’t realize that until just now. Too much of this constant contact will make me want more distance. I want her in my life, and thus I need the space to let this thing grow. I don’t need constant contact to feel loved by a person; I’m more like a cat. I get it, but I don’t need the constant affirmation to know it’s going well, or to feel comfortable.
[/quote]

You may want to consider offering her something in return. Not in the “I’ll do this if you do that” sense (you really don’t want to start down that path, especially with something that’s this critical to who you are), but more as a token of appreciation.

Right now it seems she equates quantity of time with quality of time. Maybe even sees it as more important.

Spend some time every week doing something she considers high quality time (even if you don’t), and maybe even schedule it so that she can look forward to it every week. Basically use a short period of very high quality time together to counteract the quantity of time you’re spending away from her. Sleep in and make her breakfast in bed once a week, or a weekly “date night”, or something of the sort… whatever works really well for her. (It’s not like you’re really sacrificing anything here, it works out for both of you.)

As far as the whole school thing and hobbies and such, I kinda get that. My girlfriend just finished her pediatric residency and took her board exam, so for the first time in her life she’s not spending all of her time studying or training. She finally has time to actually find some hobbies.

Even so, we found that shorter periods of high quality time seem to be better for the relationship than just “spending all our time together when we’re not working”.

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]MikeMezz wrote:

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:
I’m similar in that I really like (need) some alone time during the week. For me it is usually the gym also. The difference is my wife support me.

It’s a tough situation. You need to find a way to get her to see why you like/need this time. Otherwise it’s going to be a relationship of fighting.

Are you making enough time for her? Could you re-prioritize so both of you are happy? Is she a hypocrite (what I mean is, does she have something similiar she likes/needs to do that takes time away from the two of you)?

You need to communicate with her at a time when the two of you aren’t fighting about this. Sit down on Sunday morning with a cup of coffee and talk it out. You need to set boudaries and get a better understanding of expecations (on both sides) as far as your relationship is concerned. [/quote]

Getting her to see why I need this time is a good point to bring up. She needs to understand that the “space” I need is not because I don’t like her or don’t want to be around her, or anything like that. I want (need) this space because I want the relationship to work! And I didn’t realize that until just now. Too much of this constant contact will make me want more distance. I want her in my life, and thus I need the space to let this thing grow. I don’t need constant contact to feel loved by a person; I’m more like a cat. I get it, but I don’t need the constant affirmation to know it’s going well, or to feel comfortable.
[/quote]

You may want to consider offering her something in return. Not in the “I’ll do this if you do that” sense (you really don’t want to start down that path, especially with something that’s this critical to who you are), but more as a token of appreciation.

Right now it seems she equates quantity of time with quality of time. Maybe even sees it as more important.

Spend some time every week doing something she considers high quality time (even if you don’t), and maybe even schedule it so that she can look forward to it every week. Basically use a short period of very high quality time together to counteract the quantity of time you’re spending away from her. Sleep in and make her breakfast in bed once a week, or a weekly “date night”, or something of the sort… whatever works really well for her. (It’s not like you’re really sacrificing anything here, it works out for both of you.)

As far as the whole school thing and hobbies and such, I kinda get that. My girlfriend just finished her pediatric residency and took her board exam, so for the first time in her life she’s not spending all of her time studying or training. She finally has time to actually find some hobbies.

Even so, we found that shorter periods of high quality time seem to be better for the relationship than just “spending all our time together when we’re not working”.[/quote]

Good post Lorez

[quote]MikeMezz wrote:

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]CroatianRage wrote:

[quote]StevenF wrote:

[quote]MikeMezz wrote:
And the hardest thing about this is that she has no hobbies at all. Nothing. When I ask her what makes her happy the only thing she says is me. That’s not healthy, is it?
[/quote]

no its not. [/quote]

It is her responsibility to be happy, not yours.[/quote]
What an excellent statement. I learned this the hard way. When someone puts all the pressure of their own happiness on you, they will blame you for everything.[/quote]

Yes! Everything that goes wrong is always my fault in her eyes. She can’t see that she’s pushing me away with her incessant, controlling behavior. . .

Might she have a serious problem, like someone else here has suggested?[/quote]

It might not be a serious problem, but it’s a problem. You could always try looking for free social worker programs. I would imagine most colleges have one of sorts, if not look at some not for profits in the area. Maybe after talking to someone she’ll realize how her behavior can influence her surroundings. Hopefully it will be empowering.

[quote]Spock81 wrote:
UHGGG why are all these gym obsessed dudes already in relationships?!!
You people are a wonderful breed, don’t ever change. [/quote]

I’m still single Spock :slight_smile:

P.S. Your avatar is perfect for this post

I’m a very independent person and enjoy not being held down by a girlfriend. My ex was really clingy and would freak out if I didn’t tell her goodnight during a fight. I ended up hating dating her, because I didn’t have my space and freedom. If you are anything like me, dump this this girl. It’s just not worth it, especially if you are serious about getting stronger and are willing to commit to the gym.

Where the hell is DB?

AC?

Push?

Jesus, we need pictures.

Pee in her butt comments by DB

Worst thread ever.

I was about to add hit double bi poses while pumping it. She’ll get it then.

Some body needs to grow a pair and take the butt plug, his gf gave him, out.

Bro get your T checked, and start takin da Creatinz.

[quote]dmaddox wrote:
Bro get your T checked, and start takin da Creatinz.[/quote]

creatine makes you bulky and bloaty bruh

[quote]Claudan wrote:

[quote]dmaddox wrote:
Bro get your T checked, and start takin da Creatinz.[/quote]

creatine makes you bulky and bloaty bruh[/quote]

da creatinz is steroids on steroids.

Mike,

I feel for you man. I have been there before, and I know I can never go back to that.

I was with a girl years back, who gave me so much shit about going to the gym, that I no longer enjoyed working out. Not because I didn’t like working out, but because of the shit-storm that awaited me. I actually contemplated whether or not I should go workout, was the future argument about it going to be worth it ? I debated within myself, as you are now, was I doing something wrong by going to the gym ?

Dude, you should be able to go lift without having your balls broken. I know how I am, and I just won’t put up with it (for long). I made it clear that this was a part of my life, even before I met her, and she never seemed to understand that. Soon after it ended, I would go lift and actually enjoy it, rather than come home and be conflicted about the whole thing.

This is who you are, she can love it or leave it.

No offense, dude, but if you’re what makes her happy she’s a disaster. There are SO many red flags. The sex better be great. Run from this situation. “It’s not me, it’s you.”

If being in social situations is so draining why are you going into teaching? For the crazy chicks?

How long are you spending in the gym every night, and how much time are you spending with her? If you only see each other a couple of nights a week, but go to the gym for three hours every night, her position becomes more tenable.

Also, sometimes women complain about a hobby because you’ve been slacking off in other areas. If you’ve been making excuses, then she sees that you have plenty of time and interest to pursue a hobby, but not enough of either to take care of whatever it is she thinks you should. That’s part of the problem with these discussions. Men tend to want to discuss isolated problems, whereas women will often see a problem as a symptom or component of a larger set of issues.

damn there are so many good posts since I last signed in that I don’t know where to start. You’re all making great points. Though, to Nephorm, I would say that if I’m “slacking” in any area it’s because the constant attention is grating on me. Even still, I continue to put my work and my training aside to do weekend family events with her. And I have been since the beginning of this. Tons of school work plus prepping for possible classes? It’s gotta wait cause her niece is having a birthday party and she’s taking me a day earlier to Massachusetts to stay the night. No wifi. No chance of getting work done. No time to read cause I have to be included in everything.

Tp put this in perspective–I go to the gym for one hour at MOST a day, though I have to take rest days here and there cause of late classes and school work.

This sort of thing is a frequent occurrence. Man, I’ve put in the time, both quantity and quality, but it’s never enough it seems. . . If I “slip up” once, it’s as if I never sacrificed my work to do these things with her. . . as if I might as well have not gone at all. It’s never what I do “right” it’s what I’m doing “wrong.” I just keep providing reasons why this thing just won’t work anymore. . . My posts are becoming clear even to me, I think I get it now.

I’ll give it one more chance, cause it’s hard to just let go of good memories, yes, there are a few, haha.

[quote]xboxwarrior wrote:
No offense, dude, but if you’re what makes her happy she’s a disaster. There are SO many red flags. The sex better be great. Run from this situation. “It’s not me, it’s you.”

If being in social situations is so draining why are you going into teaching? For the crazy chicks?[/quote]

LOL! Yes, being “on” even throughout the teaching day is draining, but I see my intellect finally have a place to express itself, and that’s a kind of feeling that’s actually somewhat similar to training, at least for me. Introverts also have much potential for great leadership qualities, which is apparently becoming a more important quality for teachers to have these days, what with all the changes currently happening. My true dream is to become an English professor, though. Time will tell!

[quote]MikeMezz wrote:
Tp put this in perspective–I go to the gym for one hour at MOST a day, though I have to take rest days here and there cause of late classes and school work.

This sort of thing is a frequent occurrence. Man, I’ve put in the time, both quantity and quality, but it’s never enough it seems. . . If I “slip up” once, it’s as if I never sacrificed my work to do these things with her. . . as if I might as well have not gone at all. It’s never what I do “right” it’s what I’m doing “wrong.” I just keep providing reasons why this thing just won’t work anymore. . . My posts are becoming clear even to me, I think I get it now.
[/quote]

There is such a thing as people who are too clingy and demanding of others’ time and attention, just as there are people who are inconsiderate about allocating time for others.

If you’ve looked at your situation as objectively as you can, and you’ve talked to your girlfriend to try to uncover any deeper issues she might have, then you two may just not be compatible in this way. That doesn’t necessarily make her clingy, or you stingy with time. It just means that you want incompatible things.

It does sound like you already resent her.