T Nation


Ladder Theory.

Dont cut her off completely, if she actually could be a good friend. But do give yourself lots of distance from her until you’re (completely)over her. Date, meet new people. Its possible she met someone back in korea that she’s now hung all over some guy(like you are on her) and she’s not telling you.

Being in the friend cart doesnt mean you’re there forever always… but more than likely you are, unless you somehow are able to show her that you arent what she thought you were. My best guy friend, who pined & chased me for many months got my time as a friend, but nothing more(the chemistry just wasnt there for me) - until he made a change in himself. the main changes he did, while he was still there for me as a best bud, he pretended to no longer cared so much, that he no longer wanted to date me, and showed interest in other people. He also got alot happier in general & more outgoing. one morning I woke up & realized I did want to be with him & i loved him(i know im young but…) Anyways, when I told him how i felt, he acted like he didnt care & didnt want a relationship, that REALLY set the hook in me(and he knew it). He later(afew days) accepted my “proposal” to date. we’ve been together 3 years strong now(this has alot to do with that we have an awesome friendship base).
Basically the worst thing you can do is give her to much control over the friendship/relationship line it sounds. For some reason in most people once the submission is there the chase is over & they can move on. Gain back control!!

So while a small possibility is there. Definitely get over this chick,or at the very least - pretend to :wink:
There are alot of fishies in the sea ~Beware of sharks.


Sorry, speaking as someone who has been in this situation before (who hasn’t though?) I couldn’t disagree more with Neya. Chris, look around you… you’ve got lots of friends (I would think, since you seem to be a pretty social fella). The last thing you need is some chick screwing with your mind, which is already on a roller coaster I gather. Get together, say what you need to, and cut your losses. Don’t even give her the slightest bit of an idea that you’d like to see her again. If she says she still wants to see you as a friend, tell her she shoulda thought about that before, then refer to the afore recommended “dog” comment. It’ll be way too tough for you to do that right now and that’s totally unfair for her to even suggest that.

I seriously doubt you will have a bunch of Korean guys after you. Man, I never see Korean guys fight here. Drink, yes. A lot? yes. Puke? All the fucking time. Fight? RARELY. The only times I’ve ever seen Korean guys fight here is when they are very drunk and even then it’s always the middle age guys. Come to think of it, I’ve only seen 2 fights since I’ve been here involving young guys. Don’t worry about that. Just get rid of her (gf, friend, whatever capacity) and move on. Good luck.

“Man, I never see Korean guys fight here. Drink, yes. A lot? yes. Puke? All the fucking time. Fight? RARELY.”

Hahaha. Oh man, thats hilarious. Hearing some friends’ stories of drinking soju every day during the summer and having you post that just gives me a really funny mental image.


The thing that pisses me off is that I feel like I was being held down by a girl that wasn’t being held down by me at all. I was giving 100% effort, she was giving like .02%.

I’ll stop now before I start sounding like a whiny little bitch.

Reading that Ladder Theory article really opened my eyes.

Well, just gotta get on with my life.

Cut her off. Period. Don’t make yourself available, don’t return calls promptly, and don’t leave any messages. Either she’ll come back or she won’t – but she definitely won’t if you make yourself available and give her what she seems to want, without getting what you need.

I agree with most of the advice here, but I don’t think you should over-react and do things you wouldn’t ordinarily do, just because you are on the rebound (go out and get drunk, try to make her jealous with someone else, etc).

Just do your thing, move on, and look forward not backward.

I agree with Lumpy. Just act like friends, as you are already doing, and be yourself. I’m engaged and I have the “look don’t touch” theory that every taken man/woman knows about. You can now release yourself from this theory.

I got some advice for you “Run”.

I was in a similar situation as you, but the girl actually lied to me about not having a boyfriend. I went to school with her and thought I was friends with her. I asked her out and she said"I think it would be cool if we did something together, but I’m busy with school this weekend". Then 2 weeks later while I was helping her study for finance, she asked me to call her because she wanted to go some kind of fair at our college. I called her twice that day and she never called back. I e-mailed her a few days later and I never got a response. Then 4 days after I e-mailed her, she e-mailed me about finance grades(the test I helped her study for). She never mentioned the phone calls or the e-mail she avoided. I e-mailed her back asking if this was some kind of hint and she said no. She said she ended up going out with her “friends” that night and that she got real busy at work. Then she invited me to a graduation party she was having at this bar(something we talked about). I actually found out about her boyfriend at the graduation party that she invited me too. Then I found out from her boyfriend. She left the bar to bring her parents home and he introduced himself as her boyfriend. I don’t know if he introduced hisself on purpose but it was pretty fucked up. I talked to her after and she asked if we could be friends for now. I said in a aggrivating tone I would rather be friends than nothing and she told me that her and this guy are still new and to just stick with her. It’s been 4 months and I never heard anything from her. Believe me all the bullshit and aggrivation I went through wasn’t worth it.

Oh I also accused her of playing games and she got mad and told me that she doesn’t play games and that a guy will know if she likes them. This was before she told me to stick with her. And this is after me, two of my friends, and one of their girlfriends were out with her and all 3 of my friends told me that she definitely looks like she likes me. Looks like “games” to me.

BostonB - well said my man.

Lumpy - dunno if you were refering to my advice when you said upi don’t recommmend going out, getting drunk and finding a chick to make her jealous with but I didn’t mean exactly that. Go out? Yes. Get pissed? and then some. Make her jealous? Hey if that’s something that happens then so be it. The point is to go out and meet some new chicks thereby making my man Chris realize that there are a ton of chicks out there with more to offer (and less head games to play) than the ‘X’. If she gets jealous in the meantime, that’s just an added bonus (hell of a great one at that), but not the intention. Time to go Caveman!!! But leave the club at home. And stay away from leopard print. That’s just nasty.

Chris, soju stories are great. Man, walking through town on any morning in the summer here is like walking through a cow pasture trying to avoind patties. Puke piles everywhere. When I first got here I left a bar at about 4 am. There was this guy in a suit, in a pile on the sidewalk. Looked like the Beetle Baily cartoons after Sarge beats the tar out of him. Good times, good times!

Chris, there are plenty of other broads out there. Dont get hung up over one little fish when there are plenty more in the sea.


Cut her off completely…

Man, Asian women, (no offence Pat) can act so un-attached and it drives people crazy!

If she’s not into you, she’s not into you. Forget about it. Forget about her.

There are plenty more where she came from. Spending energy on payback is meaningless as well, no sence in fucking with her, just let it be.

Payback will be her seeing you with another hot chick on your arm.


Oh man,
The “friend” speech. Sorry my man. I remember you at the beginning of summer talking about her, and how excited you were. Jeez, that sucks. I know exactly how you feel Chris! And I know it is frustrating as hell when it seems the girl could care less. WTF??!!

Anyways, Iron Maiden said it best. Is she the only female on your campus? Nope, didn’t think so. Go get em’ Tiger…;o)

“Women weaken legs!!!”

Don’t fall for that friend crap! Women do that to try and not feel guilty. I would tell her how you feel and then find someone else. Hopefully she will feel guilty for a long time.



Chris, I agree with everything that has been said, but if you handle the situation properly it could work out for you in the long run. I’ve been in a very similar situation. The first thing you need to do is tell her that you’re not interested in being friends. Tell her you have plenty of friends and that you don’t consider people who play games to be friendship material. She’ll most likely try to act like she played you or led you on, but you know this is bullshit. She put the signals out there and you responded.

She’s testing you to see if you have balls. Seriously. If you were to just say “ok, let’s be friends” she would get the satisfaction of knowing that 1) she doesn’t have to worry about commitment because you have accepted your new role as a girl and she can’t marry girls and 2) she would get an ego boost from beating you into submission and adding your testicles to her collection. Don’t give in dude, she’ll respect you for it in the end. If it means not talking to her for months or years, so be it.

In my situation, the girl was just getting out of a 4 yr relationship and the guy ripped her heart out. She was on the rebound and as soon as she realized that I wasn’t rebound material, she found a younger guy who was a safe bet. 3 years later, she started calling me again. We’ve both grown up a little bit more, but whether or not she will pull the same shit is yet to be seen. If she does, I’m out the door again. My point is Chris, by nipping this kind of thing in the bud, you don’t waste anymore time with her, and you’ll make her think twice about trying to fuck with your head again. If you let her get away with it, she’ll keep doing it and you’ll just go crazy.

Something good could come out of this bro. If you think you could end up with this chick, look at this as your opportunity to play the field as much as possible. Number one, getting laid is good. But more importantly, you’ll get an even better idea of what you’re looking for in a person, and that will either solidify your feelings for her, or you’ll find someone better.

I can’t add anything to this thread. ‘Kiss of Death’, ‘Women weaken legs’… it has it all.

Damn, I didn’t know this happened this much till it happened to me. I guess I didn’t pay attention. Even though I wasn’t expecting it from this girl,I’m glad I didn’t fall for her BS.

Women weaken legs…wasnt that Oscar De La Hoyas recent comments regarding sex before big fights?

Oscar has always said that, but I think he stole it from Rocky. He got robbed BTW, that fight was fixed. I now group boxing in with Olympic figure skating. What a joke.