T Nation


Some of you guys know about the girl that I was “dating” although it wasn’t official or anything like that. Well, school started again and that means that shes back in North America (shes Korean, was home in Korea for the summer).

When she got back we started hanging out and it was all good. Took her out to eat and whatnot, y’know just to get reacquainted since we hadn’t seen each other for a while. So like the 3 day that we’re back and hanging out I call her up after school. Heres the conversation,

Me: Hey, wanna go do something?
Her: No.
Me: …Uhh, why not?
Her: I’m watching movies with my friends.
Me: Oh, well, do you wanna do something later?
Her: No.
Me: Ummm, okay. Well I guess I’ll talk to you later then.

That was on Thursday afternoon and I saw her a couple times around campus later on that day and she ignored me both times. WTF?!?! So over the weekend I decided that I wanna find out whats going on and if she actually wants something to happen between us. So on Monday evening I call her up and tell her that I need to get together and talk with her later on that night.

So we get together later that night and I basically told her “Nothings changed for me over the summer, I still like you, I still want something to happen between us. I’m curious if you want something to happen between us as well.”

So she thinks about it for a while then comes out and tells me, “I just like you as a friend. I’m comfortable around you, I feel that I can tell you things.” At this point, she had just finished ripping out my heart, throwing it on the ground, and beating the hell out of it with a meat tenderizer. So we’re talking and stuff after she gets my response and she says to me, “Are you sad?” Heres my response, “What?! You’re asking if I’m sad?! Of course I’m fucking sad you bitch! Look what you just fucking did to me!!” …Well, at least thats what I wanted to say. However, I just said “No.”

So then after this and finding out when she decided that she just wants to be friends and all that, I asked her if she’d ever go back to liking me as a boyfriend. Her response in a happy, “not a care in the world,” jovial voice … “Nope!”


I’m sure a lot of guys here have heard the “Friendship Speech.” Anybody get it and was able to rebound back to relationship status? Any suggestions on ways to rebound back to relationship status? Or am I just fucked in the friendship zone? One friend of mine told me just to avoid her for about 2-3 weeks or so and she’ll possibly start wanting me again, but the problem is, she told me that she decided that she liked me as a friend sometime during the summer so I have a bad feeling her mind is somewhat made up.

I was so pissed off all week long (it was this past Monday) and if I had a big bottle of Jack Daniels, I would’ve drank it…all of it.

Is she the only chick on your campus?

I didn’t think so.

You can’t make someone want a relationship that they aren’t interested in.

Keep looking, a better one is out there.

It means she doesn’t want anything to do with you. Start the chase with someone else.
Go to www.askmen.com and read the dating articles by Doc Love. When it’s over it’s over. You need a girl that wants to be with you, you can’t “win” one over.


That’s garbage.

Don’t let it get you down for too long. There are many Asian women out there that you now have to opportunity to meet and date.

You just need to get off your computer to find them! (trust me, lonliness stems from staring at this computer screen too much)


Bummer man.

But seriously, you got to let it go.

Do not for even one minute entertain any “maybes” about a future with this woman. All you’ll do is cause yourself grief.

Once you are in the ‘friend’ column with a woman you are there either for eternity or until you drop off her radar altogether.

Dude this girl thinks you are too safe,you better let her see you with some other chicks,and honestly start being some what of a dick.Whatever you dont be all nice and Mr.friend or you are totally doomed.

Definitely don’t try to get her back. I learned that shit the hard way… it won’t work. Just play it cool and start hanging around with some other girls… you’ll probably find someone better… But even if you don’t – she’ll see you not giving a shit, and if she wants it, she will come to you. Whatever you do… do not act like a pussy. Or beg. Don’t write lame-ass letters or emails… I know you feel like shit, but trust me.

You’re at school man. Don’t let one chick get you down.

Seems you had the Kiss of Death…maybe the Ladder Theory (see the Guaranteed to get Karma fuming thread for details)could help to keep things in perspective.

once you’re in the “Friend” category you’re pretty much stuck there.

If you’re her “friend”, you will never ever get any from her again. She just wants to be “comfortable” with the situation and doesn’t want you to stalk her and shit. Go hit something else.

Kick her to the curb. Cross her off the list and enjoy being a young stallion in your prime on the hunt for bigger and better. Now go out there and chase the girls! You’re in school for god sakes, there is enough wool around to knit a sweater. Have fun with it.

You should never start the “are we going to be just friends or JUST FRIENDS” conversation. It makes it that much easier for her to brush you off. You just gave her an easy way to get out of the relationship that you had.

Heres what you do,

Go to the bar

Drink enought to relax yourself without losing all verbal control

Talk to every girl you see.

Keep talking to the ones who smile and talk back.

Then just find one you like

Then never again have the “are we more then friends” talk


Sorry dude. Drama over women sucks. I sort of disagree with Mud Dog – I give you props for confronting her and making her give you a straight answer. Someone who isn’t gonna be forthright and give you a straight answer (and then gives that “comfortable. . .friends” line. . .if she was a friend she’d at least be forthright and not blow you off or ignore you) doesn’t deserve your time, either in a relationship or probably even in a friendship.

Find a more worthy chick. Or if you can’t, just keep busy doing fun stuff and enjoy singlehood for a while.

Oh, and get to know the chick in the room adjacent to hers. Have loud sex in there, frequently, so she knows exactly what she’s missing.

If you really want to forget her, think about what Ive once been told when I had artificial hopes for a girl:<b>Congratulations! Youve just become her best girlfriend! I`d have puched that sucker, but I respected too much his on target advice, bit the bullet, and resumed life. His comment really helped to keep tentation away.

Or you could do the Sean Penn thing, when you see her around and youre with a hot chick (the hotter the better), just ignore yourfriend` and enjoy yourself the best.

Better yet, if the hot chick has a bitch side, she could even fake (slow dance at a bar, etc) real girlfriend status just to rub it in (should friend still have whatever matchsize flame for you). Of course, expect the bitch to double-time you with the same maneuver if you eventually get on her ex list…

Here’s the thing. When you ask a woman “hey, are we ever gonna be more than friends?” you are being a wuss. Sorry, but it’s the truth. You’re simply seeking approval from this chick… and that’s about the best way to get rid of her.

When you act like you have (and do have) other options, when you don’t act like she’s already ‘won your heart,’ and when you make her work a little to get you, you’ll be in much better shape. Otherwise, you look just like every other spineless shmuck supplicating in the hopes of oneday getting a pitydate.

But I could be completely wrong, here.

Yeah, she was gone before you asked the “friends” question. The only mistake in asking the question is that you were pretty much holding out your nutsack and handing her a pair of scissors.

Like everybody said, find some other girl. And don’t try to stay friends with this one…at least not right now…unless you want to get neutered again every time you talk to her.

Chris, my Mom gave me some advice a long time ago that I’m going to now give you. Next time you see her and she says she still just wants to be friends, tell her you’ve got lots of friends, and if she needs a friend, to buy a fucking dog. Then get out, get pissed, and get some ass. Harsh, but she’s not coming back so you may as well restore some dignity in the situation and go caveman for a while. Good luck brother.

Dude, you got slammed. But some of it was your own fault. Here’s how your initial phone conversation could have gone:

Me: Hey, wanna go do something?
Her: No.
Me: …Uhh, why not?
Her: I’m watching movies with my friends.
Me: Oh, well, do you wanna do something later?
Her: No.

Now, instead of saying “Ummm, okay. Well I guess I’ll talk to you later then”, which does absolutely nothing for you, you should say something like: “All right. Give me a call sometime if you want to get together.” Put a shrug in your voice if possible. Then hang up and forget about her. Seriously. Call someone else and get yourself a date.

If she wants to get together with you, she’ll call. And if she doesn’t (getting a flat “no” twice in a conversation should tell you something), then you’ve minimized (eliminated, really) the time that you’re going to spend worrying about it and you’re moving on.

There are other women out there, and some of them will want to date you. That’s the thing you’ve got to get through your head.

Oh, and I like BWS’s advice. Spot-on.

Wow, the decision is pretty overwhelming.

Definitely time to move on.

BWS, I would love to do exactly what you told me. I’d be able to save my balls and dignity. However, the neverending flood of Korean guys beating the shit out of me wouldn’t be very condusive to saving face considering how mangled up it would be.

first read Doc Love
second, you have to understand you must be a challenge. You were not with this girl. The minute she said she didn’t want to do anything, you had to be out the door. At any rate, let her be. Do not contact her, do not be her friend. Be cordial if you pass her at school, but otherwise, shut off all contact. She may rebound.