T Nation

girl advice

Hey All,
I need some “girl” advice. Alright, my girlfriend and I broke up about 3 months ago. I have talked about my situation in the past…so if you need to catch up, check out “Death Threats Part II” and you will get a basic gist of what has happened in the past. Well, she moved on and got a new boyfriend relatively quickly (3 weeks after we broke up she was dating someone else) and I have yet to even think about dating someone new. Anyways, lately I have been going into the local Applebee’s and ordering my food to go. I generally go in on a late Saturday afternoon, order my food and walk next door to the Hollywood Video while I wait for my order to be prepared. Weeellllll, every week when I go into Applebee’s there is this one waitress who is just a really pretty girl and I would love to just walk up to her and ask her out…but I dont want to come across as some lame jerk who is hitting on the waitress…know what I mean? I tend to be on the shy side and have never been the type of guy who just appoaches women and asks them out. What would be the best way to see if she would be interested in “hanging out?” I have never spoken a word to her, but we have exchanged smiles. What I was thinking I would do is something like this…I figured the next time I walk in there and if it isnt too busy, I could walk up to her and say, “you know I walk in here all the time and I have always wanted to know what your name is.” After I tell her my name, I can say something like, “I know you are busy and I know that this might be odd…but here in my phone number. Maybe you and I can go out for dinner sometime?” And then I would just leave with my food. How does that sound? Any t-vixens out there have any input…haha. I figured if I approach her and say a friendly hello and intoduce myself and give her my number, it won’t come across has “cocky” or “cheesy”. That way the ball is in her court so to speak. If she is interested, she can call me. If she isn’t or if she has a boyfriend, than she won
't. Either way, I think I would atleast make her feel flattered…right? Suggestions, advice, opinions??? I am all talk and no walk…I say I will do this, but I know I will wimp out…;o)

Sounds good; if she’s taken, it’ll work on the next cute girl you run into.

Good luck!

I don’t think you should give her your number. Ask for her number, then you have the ball in your court, and can’t leave the excuses strictly to her. You won’t sound lame, you’ll sound aggressive and confident.

Little advice from someone who was just like you (shy and all). Do not wait to long cause if she is not taken she will be. Don’t wait to build up the curage just do it. All she can do is say no and taht should not crush ya. Don’t seem desperate have confidence and be upbeat.

Dude and tells us what happens.

Don’t think just do.

Giving her your number…BAD! Like Harvey Mackay said…create the demand first! If you haven’t built enough pressure in her to get her to open a door in her world, take noting for granted and keep pitching (or just doing your own thing). In short, let her wonder and let the demand for you build inside her…don’t snuff it out by giving in first (hey, if she has your number on the first talk, she has nothing more to prove to get you…what good is that worth?). As for the other options, it all depends if you want to go ‘quick and ballsy’ about it or more strategically…for the ballsy approach, what was mentionned by previous posters seems cool and effective. As for the strategic approach, in short, look at it like fishing, chess and hunting combined - take your time and don’t pull two moves in a row (ping-pong approach - don’t give a shit until that ball comes back after a serve). In the meanwhile, find out what’s behind that smile of yours and hers? A quick lay or something more? Obviously, depends on what type of market you are…

El Tigre, my man! Another issue that the Rock and the Tiger share in common: shyness with the ladies.

Recently, though, buddy, I’ve just tried to step my game up a bit.

Anyway, what you need to do is approach with confidence and act gentlemanly. Here’s the deal. Next time, when you walk in to order your grub, you see your lady, you walk by, crack real nice Tigre smile and maybe wink (that’s a T-Rock special side dish).

After you order–since you’d be going to the video store to look at pornos anyway–it’s time to make your move. If you just so happen to walk past her again, this time you talk.

Remember, act as a gentleman and with confidence. Just say, “Hey. How are you? My name is El Tigre (obviously, you’d say Tony or she’d be like [quote]Huh?[/quote]).” At this point, you’ll probably shake hands (think that’s weird? I don’t and that’s how I often introduce myself). Then she’ll say her name. After the conversation flows a little bit, you’ll break out the question, “Hey, I was wondering if you’d like to go out with me sometime.” That’s it, brutha.

One additional tip, Tigre. Unstoppable Confidence. I want eye contact the whole time…as soon as you walk into the place. She’ll just melt, bro, just melt. However, don’t crack your smile until she cracks hers first. You da man then!

Go get 'er, Tigre!

You only live life once!

Don’t look back and have regrets.

Be the man and step up!

Confidence~Masculinity~T-man~ Put all of your assets to work for you!

Let us know how it turns out and good luck to you.

"Hello, my name is Tony, like the tiger, grrrrr… "

just make her laugh.

Tell her you know how to perform a one handed snatch with 75lbs.

That allways works

Here’s my (minimal) advice to you: getting a phone number means nothing. So view it as such. It’s nothing to get stressed out over… most women will give you their phone numbers. As a (female) friend of mine put it, “all that proves is that she doesn’t think you’re a threat. Women will give their phone numbers to anyone they don’t think will hurt them.”

Obviously this isn’t true for every case, but remember: the real work comes after you get the phone number. This comes from a guy that’s picked up quite a few this semester alone, yet hasn’t gotten a date from any of 'em.

Keep in there!

Fact1: Do not be supprised if a girl leaves you and then hooks up with anouther guy. 9 out of 10 girls have something lined up before they leave you in the first place.

Fact2: Always ask for her#. If you dont she will think that you are just a player looking to reel in the easy lays. PS wait a few days to call her but not more than 2 days, any less will seem desperate and any more will show a lack of caring. I know it is a stuped rule but it seems to work.

Fact3: Get to know her first. The best way is watch her and find out which other girls are her friends. Then introduce yourself to them and that will lay the foundation for you being a nice guy. Do not hit on the other chicks! Just getting to know them first will give you an inside track which cant hurt.

Even though the last fact is not a fact it just looked better that way. These methods have worked for me and I am a fat powerlifter/strongman.

Hope this helps you. Just remember the hunt can be fun if you just remember it is a game until somone gets hurt, dont let that person be you. Accept the fact she may want somone els before she even looks at you. This way there is nothing to loose.

WOW,
Great advice guys! Now all I need to do is grow a sac and walk up to her…haha. Even before I met my previous girlfriend, I was horrible with the ladies. We were together for over a year and a half and now it just seems like it has been so long since I have had to ask a girl out…I feel lost! I’m just apprehensive cause you know waitresses get hit on ALL the time by some lame jack-asses and the town where this Applebee’s is has 2 major colleges/universities there (Cornell and Ithaca College)…so it is safe to bet that she has had a few one-liners come her way…;o) Regardless, everyone is right…you only live once and if my ex can move on after only 3 weeks, I guess it is about time for me to do the same.

T-Diddy…I like your approach. Seems more like something I would do, rather than approach her all “Rico Suave” like…haha. Jeez…too bad we couldn’t hit the town together and find ourselves some t-vixens…haha.

So, here’s the deal. The next time I walk in…I will order and if I happen to walk past her I will smack her ass and yell, “yeah baby, that’s what I’m talkin about!!” KIDDING. I will just give a simple wave and say hi and hopefully she will smile. I will go to Hollywood to get a movie (sorry no pornos at Hollywood) and when I come back I will try and introduce myself and shake her hand. From there…I guess I will have to go on a week to week basis and gradually build-up a “friendship” with her and then ask her out. The bartender there seems to flirt with me everytime I go in there and order (I know its her job to flirt)…so maybe I will try to get some info from her about this waitress??? Any hoot…thanks guys. I really do appreciate the input. If you have any more advice, by all means…give em to me! TOny G

Finally a woman’s perspective!!! HAHA…thanks bigprljamfan! Great advice, classic! Keep em coming everyone…the more ammo I have, the better…;o)

I was in a similar situation regarding trying to stay “friends” with my ex,so good luck fella and just go for it,glad to see one of us is ready to get back in the saddle.

Zippy,
In all honesty, I am still very much in love with my ex…so it is still very hard for me to imagine myself with someone else. But I know that I need to eventually get out there and experience life. I would LOVE it if my ex and I got back together…but for now, I know that that isn’t what she wants and I have to live with that.

O.K Tiger…

I do not usually give advice, as you may have noticed I think I’m funny and as such, I conduct myself accordingly but this opportunity to play Dr. Phil and help out a fellow T-Man could not be passed up. Clear your mind because I am about to answer all your concerns.

Successful salesmen do not EVER think about “closing the deal” when they make their first approach, they concentrate on building some sort of relationship first, then if things go well, a sale will follow. Keeping this in mind do NOT allow yourself to think about “WHY” you are introducing yourself to her, keep all thoughts of sex, dating, even seeing her again out of your mind as it is THESE thoughts that make a man nervous, we can’t really help it as we are “inside” our heads and find it hard to believe that our intentions are not spelled out on our foreheads for all to see. How many people do you meet everyday? How many of them make you nervous? Probably none, right? Know why? Because you are not placing ANY kind of expectations on the moment. Now of course this is easy when you are sitting at work firing off yet another dynamic and thrilling memo regarding the proper use of widget “A” and it’s reliance on the proper maintenance of widget “B” and your pointy headed boss brings someone by to introduce them to you, because you haven’t had time to think about nipple clamps, hot wax and sex in the back of your '74 Ford Pinto while parked in front of Tim Patterson’s house beside garbage cans that are full of empty boxes that declare in bold print "Life-Like!"and extol the virtues of being “Ready when you are”.

But just start to think these thoughts and see what happens…see, total collapse of all coherent thought and ability to converse with any sort of clever or attractive repartee.

So what do you do now that you have already had time to think these thoughts and even if you didn’t already think them before, you have now read this far and it’s too late?

One word.

Mantra.

To help concentrate on meeting and ONLY meeting her you need a mantra, a word of phrase that will keep you focused only on the task at hand and let the all natural Tiger T-Man free.

I suggest:

“At least there are no Weasels in my pants”

Repeat after me…

“At least there are no Weasels in my pants”

Again

“At least there are no Weasels in my pants”

And again

“At least there are no Weasels in my pants”

So just say " Hi" today, that’s it, no pressure, tomorrow you can work on “How ya doin?” and the next “Hi, my name is Tiger”…pretty soon you and Hot Pants server chick are in front of Tim’s house and all is good…

Easy.

“At least there are no Weasels in my pants”

“Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch”

~ W. C. Fields

Confidence is key my man. Act cool, relaxed and try to be funny. If you get her to smile, then you know you are on the right track. ALWAYS ask for her number, not give her your number.

Making a girl laugh is always a good start. Whoever said “Hi, I’m Tony, like the Tiger, grrrr!”, is right. That would be some funny shit, but don’t do it. Ask the bartender about her, and if you can, try to sit in her section maybe once or twice. Get to know her, then ask.

Just make sure you smell good. haha :slight_smile:

Tony G - Central NY… I feel your pain.

On to the girls, I have absoloutley no Idea why but I have always been very good with girls. I think it’s because I never really gave a shit about getting laid or not. Actually I treat all people exactly the same as friends. When I meet an executive of a large insurance company or a prospect I am trying to sell to I always treat them like I would like to be treated. Most people can read through alterior motives also, so if she is a worthwile chick you will probably strike out if you are concealing you true feelings. It sounds like your heart is in the right place (that is in your chest not your pants) so just be your self and have no fear, you know yourself better than anyone else, don’t you think you are cool? I’m sure she will too. besides looks only go so far hotties with no brains is like a ferrari with a 4 banger.

Peace, and again sorry to hear you live up here in CNY :wink:

Hey All,
You have no idea how much all this advice helps! ;o)

Cupcake…“atleast there are no weasels in my pants”…believe it or not I will definetely use this the next time I see her. But can I substitute giraffes rather than weasles??..KIDDING! IT makes perfect sense to not go in with any preconceived notions. If I approach her with the mindset that I want to ask her out, I will be all sorts of nervous! I will quote Rod Tidwell from the movie Jerry Maguire…“you are my ambassador of quan.” teach me the ways of the Cupcake…haha. Thanks my man

Bigprljamfan…to quote you, “DO NOT hook up with this girl because your ex hooked up with someone”. To be honest, that has never entered my mind. If you know the story behind me and my ex, than you know that it is a VERY complicated story (again, search for Death Threats Part II here in the off topic forum for details). I have never gone through a “busy time” and I dont plan on doing so in the near future. I have yet to even say hi to this girl, let alone start to think about having sex with her…haha. You are right in that I am still very much emotionally attached to my ex and it sucks major donkey balls to think about her with someone else. She moved on after only 3 weeks of us breaking up and here it has been over 3 months since we broke up and I have yet to even TALK to another girl. But, I am starting to get in the mindset that I need to start thinking about ME. I am not seeking a quick lay nor am I seeking a one night stand. It would just be really really nice just to have someone to hang out with on a semi regular basis. And if it leads to sex…GREAT!!! It’s just my shyness that I need to conquer. I have always been shy when it comes to putting my “balls out there” and asking a girl out. Shoot…it took me 6 months to gather up the courage to ask my ex out. I am by no means an ugly guy nor am I a social misfit…just a little timid when it comes to asking girls out. It’s frustrating in many ways. Not to mention being heartbroken kind of puts a damper on your self-confidence. In any case, this waitress just caught my eye and I am just apprehensive on how to approach her without A. coming across as some lame guy just hitting on her. and B. looking like a jack ass…haha. Know what I mean? I have gotten some great advice thus far. And it appears that I SHOULD NOT give her my number, but rather gradually work up to asking for hers. CONFIDENCE is the key. I just have to get some of that confidence. I’m a T-Man for crying out loud!!! Whats wrong with me? ;o) Regardless, I am trying and this thread is helping tremendously. Thanks…Tony G