T Nation

GF Sex Drive is Significantly Lower than Mine


#1

Some background information--We're both mid to late 20's, been seriously together for around 9 months, friends for much longer than that. We have our ups and downs just like anyone else, but we're very much in love, treat each other right, and generally maintain a very healthy relationship.

When we first started dating, sex was very frequent--just about every time we saw each other. It was OK at first, then it got good, and then as we really got to know each other and figured out all the little kinks it became great, the best I've ever had. It was right about that time also that our "honeymoon" period started to fade and we really began to settle into the relationship.

Lately sex has been more like once a week, twice a week rarely--keep in mind that we're still seeing each other every single day and def spend ~5 nights a week sleeping next to each other. I've gotten to the point where I hate to even initiate it anymore because more often than not I get shut down and then there's this unspoken tension in the room as we lie next to each other. A lot of it has to do with her insecurities about her body. She doesn't have the most positive self image when it comes to that. She doesn't like being on top because it makes her uncomfortable and she feels "ugly", ect. ect. Which is not the case at all. She's a pretty fit girl. Goes to the gym and lifts--squats, deadlifts, all that good stuff. Goes to yoga multiple times/week. And this is not to take away anything from when we DO have sex, because it still is absolutely amazing for both of us, no doubt in my mind.

I just find myself wanting it more than once a week. Wanting her to initiate it and come on to me. It just seems like it has become this big production that takes an hour, two hours even to completely warm her up, do it, and then shut it back down and get back to reality. And as I said up there ^^ I love it and that is absolutely the greatest sex I've had in my life, but sometimes it's like shit, can we not just get a quickie in, ya know?

Dunno, It's been forever since I've been in a relationship of this level. For years it's just been a string of 1 month, 2 month, more casual type stuff. I mean it's expected for things to level out a bit, but what do you guys think? Am I crazy for wanting to keep that fire going?


#2

TLDR:


#3

Look up the term “Bait & Switch”


#4

Dude at least u get it once a week. Once u get married say bye bye to the pussy train. No more dirty shit untill u get her wasted.
Yur 20…tell her u need more and find out if theres something u havent done that excites her. She may be bored and want a facial, or tied up. At that age women are very experimental. These other prudes will ask u a bunch of foo foo stuff about her feelings. She just wants u to pound her differently. #trust


#5

Did you sneeze at the wrong time or hand her the wrong cup to drink out of?

Once or twice a week is normal after about a year… Welcome to the real world (or find someone with a high sex drive - who might cheat on you).


#6

If she’s really into training, she might not have her nutrition dialed in… instead, going the typical girl route of low cal, low pro, low fat, which could obviously effect things.

Though, a lot of it may be mental and you have to decide if a 9 month relationship is worth trying to unload all that baggage… any change is not going to be easy or quick.


#7

[quote]tsantos wrote:
Once or twice a week is normal after about a year… Welcome to the real world

[/quote]

wait… what?


#8

[quote]1 Man Island wrote:

[quote]tsantos wrote:
Once or twice a week is normal after about a year… Welcome to the real world

[/quote]

wait… what?[/quote]

x2

It wasn’t until 3+ years that coitus between my spouse and I slowed to 2/3 times a week.


#9

[quote]tsantos wrote:
Did you sneeze at the wrong time or hand her the wrong cup to drink out of?

Once or twice a week is normal after about a year… Welcome to the real world (or find someone with a high sex drive - who might cheat on you).

[/quote]

She will be lucky if she can walk, let alone cheat.


#10

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#11

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#12

[quote]thehebrewhero wrote:
Dude at least u get it once a week. Once u get married say bye bye to the pussy train. No more dirty shit untill u get her wasted.
Yur 20…tell her u need more and find out if theres something u havent done that excites her. She may be bored and want a facial, or tied up. At that age women are very experimental. These other prudes will ask u a bunch of foo foo stuff about her feelings. She just wants u to pound her differently. #trust[/quote]

I dont think you should reply to threads about realtionships Some people might not know you are a lying cheater who spreads stds


#13

[quote]RATTLEHEAD wrote:

[quote]1 Man Island wrote:

[quote]tsantos wrote:
Once or twice a week is normal after about a year… Welcome to the real world

[/quote]

wait… what?[/quote]

x2

It wasn’t until 3+ years that coitus between my spouse and I slowed to 2/3 times a week.[/quote]

LOl x3


#14

[quote]oakwood-jones wrote:
Some background information–We’re both mid to late 20’s, been seriously together for around 9 months, friends for much longer than that. We have our ups and downs just like anyone else, but we’re very much in love, treat each other right, and generally maintain a very healthy relationship.

When we first started dating, sex was very frequent–just about every time we saw each other. It was OK at first, then it got good, and then as we really got to know each other and figured out all the little kinks it became great, the best I’ve ever had. It was right about that time also that our “honeymoon” period started to fade and we really began to settle into the relationship.

Lately sex has been more like once a week, twice a week rarely–keep in mind that we’re still seeing each other every single day and def spend ~5 nights a week sleeping next to each other. I’ve gotten to the point where I hate to even initiate it anymore because more often than not I get shut down and then there’s this unspoken tension in the room as we lie next to each other. A lot of it has to do with her insecurities about her body. She doesn’t have the most positive self image when it comes to that. She doesn’t like being on top because it makes her uncomfortable and she feels “ugly”, ect. ect. Which is not the case at all. She’s a pretty fit girl. Goes to the gym and lifts–squats, deadlifts, all that good stuff. Goes to yoga multiple times/week. And this is not to take away anything from when we DO have sex, because it still is absolutely amazing for both of us, no doubt in my mind.

I just find myself wanting it more than once a week. Wanting her to initiate it and come on to me. It just seems like it has become this big production that takes an hour, two hours even to completely warm her up, do it, and then shut it back down and get back to reality. And as I said up there ^^ I love it and that is absolutely the greatest sex I’ve had in my life, but sometimes it’s like shit, can we not just get a quickie in, ya know?

Dunno, It’s been forever since I’ve been in a relationship of this level. For years it’s just been a string of 1 month, 2 month, more casual type stuff. I mean it’s expected for things to level out a bit, but what do you guys think? Am I crazy for wanting to keep that fire going? [/quote]

1st thing talk to her about it. Voice you opinion. Voice that you find her crazy attractive and make sure she feels it and knows how attracted you are. It will boost her esteem way up. But after 9 months you better be able to talk about your sex life


#15

[quote]pushharder wrote:

[quote]tsantos wrote:
Did you sneeze at the wrong time or hand her the wrong cup to drink out of?

Once or twice a week is normal after about a year… Welcome to the real world (or find someone with a high sex drive - who might cheat on you).

[/quote]

I don’t think so. If you’re right that’s sad.

I feel like this because even after 27 years of marriage my ex and I had sex 7 - 10 times a week on average. 14 times a week was not uncommon.[/quote]

I believe the statistic is 2-3 times a week for married people. Obviously you’re skewing the numbers one way and the onceaweekers (or abstinent) the other, but there it is.

Editing for clarity: Sex averages 2-3 times a week for married couples.


#16

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]pushharder wrote:

[quote]tsantos wrote:
Did you sneeze at the wrong time or hand her the wrong cup to drink out of?

Once or twice a week is normal after about a year… Welcome to the real world (or find someone with a high sex drive - who might cheat on you).

[/quote]

I don’t think so. If you’re right that’s sad.

I feel like this because even after 27 years of marriage my ex and I had sex 7 - 10 times a week on average. 14 times a week was not uncommon.[/quote]

I believe the statistic is 2-3 times a week for married people. Obviously you’re skewing the numbers one way and the onceaweekers (or abstinent) the other, but there it is.

[/quote]

And she also wants my savings?

If I had PMs you would get my login info for Captain 69.

For strictly educational purposes of course.


#17

[quote]thehebrewhero wrote:
Dude at least u get it once a week. Once u get married say bye bye to the pussy train. No more dirty shit untill u get her wasted.
[/quote]

Uh, no.

Speak for yourself and only yourself.


#18

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]pushharder wrote:

[quote]tsantos wrote:
Did you sneeze at the wrong time or hand her the wrong cup to drink out of?

Once or twice a week is normal after about a year… Welcome to the real world (or find someone with a high sex drive - who might cheat on you).

[/quote]

I don’t think so. If you’re right that’s sad.

I feel like this because even after 27 years of marriage my ex and I had sex 7 - 10 times a week on average. 14 times a week was not uncommon.[/quote]

I believe the statistic is 2-3 times a week for married people. Obviously you’re skewing the numbers one way and the onceaweekers (or abstinent) the other, but there it is.

[/quote]
My wife and I have different schedules and days off, but we still manage to have sex 2 to 7 times a week, depending.

Been married almost 5 years, fwiw.


#19

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#20

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