T Nation

Gf has a problem with my progress

This will sound weird but…but my girlfriend has really started to resent my recent progress. We are both into the ‘fitness’ lifestyle and actually thats how we met and were attracted to each other in the 1st place. Problem is that I’m a nut and can do things like Fat Fast, low carb, VLCD, and other diets no problem and after a year of bulking I cut my bodyfat down to about 10% and my waist down to 30". This has happened at about the same time she hit an alltime high bodyweight of 130# (@5’4"). She’s a beautiful girl and really muscular (real T-vixen) but she’s feeling uncomfortable about herself and she’s admittedly jealous about my progress. She ‘really’ likes how I look but at the same time she’s agree with me. She actually told me that if my waist gets any smaller she’d leave me! Since I still don’t have good abs at 10% I’m going to have to drop lower. Knowing this I’m kinda fucked. I’ve started hiding my dieting patterns from her and not discussing my results (I’ve been pretty quiet about it anyway). I’ve tried to talk her into going on FF with me but she won’t do it. She thinks its too extreme and that she can’t handle it. I only suggest it cause I know she’ll drop scale weight really fast and feel better about herself and I’ll get an opportunity to cut more fat too. Anybody delt with this kinda thing before?

Sounds like she’s got self-esteem issues. Get the books “The Art of Understanding Your Mate” by Cecil Osbourne, and “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. Read them. Apply them. She NEEDS to know the she’s the most important thing in the world to you, and she needs to hear it 10,000 times a second. Build her up big time.

I’ve lost about 80 lbs while retaingin muscle over the last year with the help of T-mag, a good diet, weight training, and a strong mind. When people see me they speak to me as though they wish I would stop improving myself. I believe it’s their own insecurity in themselves. Nothing should stop you from improving yourself but you.

Yeah. She’s got self-esteem issues but so do I. Thing is she absolutely won’t tolerate it when I say something negative about myself. Now, I’ve got BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder) and she knows it but the whole time I’ve known her (1year+) she’s had a really strong ego. Now she’s walking around calling herself fat and no amount of reassurance from me makes a difference. It sucks.

Dump her. Do you really want a head-case like her to one day take care of your kids? (Regardless whether you plan on having any or not) Its just a question you should ask yourself. A lot of times we tolerate BS because we think we can handle it. I personally cant stand the thought of someone not supporting me (as I do them). It says much about a person. Not to mention I cant imagine someone so emotionally weak making it through “tough times”. Cut your loss, dump her.

Sounds like there’s more at work here than just your progress. She has a strong ego? Sounds like she derives a lot of self-worth from being better than her man (physically). Now that she isn’t, she’s playing the sympathy card (calling herself fat to get your reaction). Of course this is all from an outside “observer” with less than the whole story.

Bein’ a T-Vixen ain’t all about how you look - but how you are in the INSIDE. There was a time, like early '99 when I got (what I thought for me) fat and out of shape. But I didn’t look to my boyfriend at my problem, nor did I fixate at OUTSIDE things (him getting in shape or being in better shape than I). Nope, I looked at myself and got my fat-ass in gear.

If your girlfriend does not change herself for herself. She won't. And she'll keep blaming you. No "self-help" book or your li'l pep talks will change that. She needs to do this for herself. Period. It sounds like you both need time alone to work things out by yourselves.

This is all from the fact that I don't know either of you......

Sewerhooker. A little harsh there bro. She’s not a nutcase shes a women. And I think I’m more of a nutcase than she is.

What the heck is BDD? Just the name sounds like it was invented by some screwball shrink to try and sucker some business his way. Forget all this malady crap and get on with life. If you GF leaves you because your waist goes below 30 inches, send her to the BDD shrink. They should be very happy obsessing together.

Which explains why you are still with her. I’m not being harsh Lipo. The fact is you have an emotional attachement to her(understandably). And because of this you cant see the situation you are in for what it is. If she is serious about dumping you for something so insanely petty, then you have a real problem. Only you know if she’s serious about doing so. If she wasnt and was just playfully 'messin" with you, what are you posting for?

Put the responsibility where it belongs. They are her feelings therefor her problem. Plain and simply you can only be responsible for your actions and your shit. Not peoples reactions to them. As long as you are not saying “I am getting in shape and you are nottt naa naa anaa anaaana” Then hell it is her problem. If she getss pissy just tell her your body is not designed to maintain two beings. Biology is her enemy not you.

Avoid - BDD is real. Sewer - I doubt she is serious about leaving me but she’s stressed enough to say it. Just need to meet my own goals without antagonizing her.

I question the vlidity of her suppossed affection for you. I can’t imagine my sig other doing anything but cheering me on when I do well. Why would someone that cares for you try to get you to fail?

If you’ve been around women you should know that they get insecure from time-to-time. And since I’m in a relationship with one I am responsible for trying to make her feel better regardless. I’m not changing what I’m doing cuz of how she feels. I know that part of it is her female logic that says “He’s getting more attractive. He must be planning to cheat on me.”. No that doesn’t make sense out-of-context but I actually did that exact thing with my last wife when I left that one for my current girlfriend. She’s trying to read my change in body as some kind of preparation to find yet another girl beyond her. If her self confidence was up she wouldn’t feel threatened but its not, so she is.

Tell her she’s fat and tell her to get the fuck out…Who needs that controlling shit. It will only get worse.

Man, everyone here sounds so harsh! Sometimes just a little diplomacy goes a long way. Tell her you want to be big and strong so that if something happens you can be there to protect her. It makes you look like a good guy, and that should silence her insecurites

Yeah M&M. I think some of these guys have a secret hatred of women. Sad really.

On the contrary, I love women. So much so that I dont get online to whine about all my gf’s minor faults.

Thank you for your time bro. Your insight was very helpful. I’m going to kick that bitch to the curb!

You know, if you just met the girl and she was like that, I would tell you to kick her to the curb, but you said that for over a year she’s been like a rock. Maybe other parts of her life are causing her problems, and it’s kinda manifested into what it is now. Has she been having any type of work or relationion problems? Another suggestion, flirt with her a little more often (but not too much to where it’s ovious to what you’re doing) Maybe take her out, give her a little more attention, and don’t bring up the weight issue at all. Talk about all her other qualities you might like about her. After her being like a rock for so long, don’t just let that go until you have at least tried to work on it some and give the situation some time. Just my opinion.